Faster than a Max Verstappen, more expendable than a Williams driver, with less point than a pair of Saubers, and harder to get out of than a Brazilian gravel trap, it’s the F1 Donkey with his unique view on F1 and more. Before each race The F1 Donkey puts the ass in sass and unloads his alternative, slightly unhinged thoughts on F1 including this week’s Bold 2024 Qatar Grand Prix Predictions and more.
The F1 Donkey’s Pre Qatar Grand Prix Thoughts
After the glitz, glamour, the celebrity-ignoring Martin Brundle of Las Vegas, where you know the shadows of Robert de Niro and Joe Pesci’s characters from Casino were looming ominously above the Grand Prix, we head to… <checks F1 website>….Qatar. Well, at least there’s still a drivers title to decide…..oh, that’s done too. All that’s left is the constructor’s title. Meh.
F1 can talk about the constructor’s title all it likes, about the importance to the team, how much money it’s worth, but at the end of the day they give out the number one for the Driver’s title, not team’s and only shirt wearing superfans and media types care.
Much like the people that talk up the third v fourth playoff game at any major tournament. Sure, it’s usually better than the final, and yeah there’s the prize of appearing before another country in the Wikipedia official results, but ultimately, who cares aside from the few times in F1 history where the Champion driver doesn’t come from the Champion team. Like this year where the driver champions comes from the third best team. But that’s more someone else’s fault.
Which brings me to the one driver who doesn’t appear to care about the constructor’s title is Sergio Perez. Or maybe it just appears that way. His consistent run of super-mediocrity continued in Las Vegas, and you wonder how a person in a team that is famous for sacking drivers is still in that car. But that’s enough Perez-bashing for now. Lord knows this website does its share, to the point where I’m even bored of myself. By the way #PerezOut.
Bigger team news than a title I’m trying not to care about is the addition of a new F1 team being announced, which highlighted two things.
1 – How bitter F1 really is. 2 – How bad the driver market is.
On the first point, F1 spent the last few years stuffing Michael Andretti’s potential new F1 team around, eventually saying a team based in the US offer no value. No value huh? Then why do you have three races in the country where you’re charging sky-high prices to sit in the grandstand. Although, sitting in the grandstand means you’re not watching on TV, and that means because it’s in the US that you’d be squirming through more painful Danica Patrick and her dross-filled “insights”.
But then F1 says yes to Cadillac/GM, despite the only major change being it’s no longer called Andretti.
Perhaps the name Andretti was too big for F1 and current F1 team bosses to handle. Maybe it is. Mario Andretti does happen to be one of the coolest people in motorsport history, an F1 Fonz if you like, who is still worth a listen every time he talks. And Michael Andretti seemed to know what he was doing with the team and has done well in Indycar for decades. Sure he wasn’t very good for McLaren in 1993, but neither was Sergio Perez when he drove for McLaren for a similarly disappointing season, and F1 haven’t stopped him from owning an F1 team. That I know of. Or care to look into.
Petty, petty people in F1. Much like me. But without the millions of dollars, the plethora of social media followers and only half the death threats.
Then there’s the driver situation. So websites, newspapers and lane hogging cyclists all around the world are working out who to drive for Cadillac/GM in 2026, and it is a rather sad bunch of names. Mainly all the F1 drivers who lost their seats in 2024. Some are Australian, some want to be Australian, and others have surnames to match their general pace. None are inspiring, nor were fast enough in mediocre cars in 2024, so how on earth will they be excellent choices in 2026? Although Ricciardo would be fun. But overall how dull. Where’s the excitement. I have the solution.
Cadillac/GM can announce sometime over the F1 break that the winner of the 2025 Indycar Championship and the American with the highest Super License points at the end of 2025 will get the two drives in 2026. Or for one seat, a day-long test session between all the F2 Champions who can’t get a drive. Either way, make it a competition with rules related to current or previous performance. Perhaps there should be a crashed car minimum standard which will probably rule out Logan Sargeant. And it should.
Now you have some decent carrots dangling in front of many F1 wannabes all around the world. With fans requiring industrial sized and strength tissues to wipe away the drool at the prospect.
And with all the hype, you can get Netflix onboard for a spin off as they follow the potential chasers of those seats across the various series all over the world. Talk about rolling the new F1 team and drivers into value-adding box office. Isn’t that what the F1 bosses wanted?
Na, they just wanted 100% less Andretti. Jerks.
But finally back to Qatar, who paid less for this race than the Football World Cup, we should be just thankful that it is probably too far away for the Sky F1 team to fly Danica Patrick in. The race has few lures as it is.
The NRL Donkey’s Bold 2024 Las Vegas Grand Prix Predictions
And here they are, in a convenient team by team format, so you can ignore Kick/Stake/Sauber at your convenience. The F1 TV Cameras do.
RED BULL
Max Verstappen to win the sprint race but ends up a distant sixth on real race day. Sergio Perez will not do that well. And when we say not that well, we mean missing Q3 and underwhelming in both races.
McLAREN
Lando Norris qualifies first for both the Sprint race and real one and wins neither. Oscar Piastri wins the main race.
MERCEDES
Lewis Hamilton to suffer DNF in the main race, not after George Russell dominates him in qualifying again.
FERRARI
Intra team scuffle to settle the score one more time officially before Carlos Sainz leaves for Williams.
ASTON MARTIN
Alonso to steal a podium in the sprint race. Double DNF for Lance Stroll. Only one will be his fault.
RB VISA CASH APP
Both drivers to miss Q3 and points. Providing no clearer feedback on who is going to replace Sergio Perez.
ALPINE
Gasly to qualify in top six again and get points this time.
WILLIAMS
Franco Colapinto spins off in qualifying. Williams desperately hope he doesn’t hit something.
HAAS
An upturn in performance on both raceday and qualifying given the new team announcement.
SAUBER
To make little to no difference.
F1 2024 Season Stats
And some proper stats to ensure this is more of an F1 article.
