US politics and Donald Trump are dominating much of the news around the world, especially recently with the Donald Trump Cabinet Picks which are causing worried looks, furrowed brows and minor panic all over America and the world. But what is to come? There’s still posts that need to be filled, and if the ones already selected are a form guide, it could be just about anyone. Even you.
No matter how unqualified, how many legal threats they have, how inappropriate the selection, the Donald Trump Cabinet Picks appear to be here to stay. And why complain. It’s either not your country, or more than half of your country voted for the guy in charge, and like big bosses can do whatever they want.
So as an exclusive, our Wooden Spooners team have been taken off their usual remit of making up sporting stories and selling them to Fox Sports to use for clickbait, to use their sources to get an exclusive that no other website can get.
Of course, the Wooden Spooners team can’t reveal their inside source/s into the potential next Donald Trump Cabinet Picks, as they have either spoken to the Wooden Spooners team under the promise of anonymity, or they forgot to write down the name of the person/s they were talking to, or they simply don’t exist. One of the people they were talking to at a Baltimore bus stop claimed to be part of the Trump transition team, but his sandwich board reading “Repeat You’re Sin Now” said differently and also showed they weren’t very good at English.
Despite all the things going on, for your reading pleasure is the Wooden Spooners team Donald Trump Cabinet Picks exclusive.
Potential Remaining Donald Trump Cabinet Picks
Agriculture – Joe Exotic
Don’t let a jail term stop you getting excited about the Tiger King. How can you go past someone with that name, and with such love for his animals. Neither a potential jail term or interactions with animals slowed Donald Trump down for votes, so why not Joe Exotic.
So if a pardon is forthcoming then there’s no one better than Joe Exotic to look after the welfare of all agriculture.
Treasury – Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson
Our source was overhead in the Trump war room overhearing someone saying, “surely with a name like 50 Cent, they would know about money”.
Of course he knows and is perfect for the role.
Our sources also hint that he promised to get MTV Cribs back up and running and Trump would be the first guest host.
Transportation – Danica Patrick
Trump supporter and former motor racing participant Danica Patrick would be the perfect choice for Transportation Secretary. Not because she’d be qualified, so few on this list are, but because it would mean she would no longer ruin Formula 1 coverage by her presence.
And we’re sure she’s caught a plane, she may have caught a train somewhere, and we can confirm she knows about the automobile. So who better to look after Planes, Trains and Automobile now that John Candy is dead.
Education – Hulk Hogan
There was barely anyone more excited to be at the Republican Congress than the shirt ripping Wrestling star Hulk Hogan.
And few others can speak to kids like the Hulk. With the possible exception of Jesse “The Body” Ventura. And Junkyard Dog, if he were alive. Which he isn’t.
Who else can you trust the education of our best and brightest student than Hulk Hogan.
Labor – Sylvester Stallone
Very few, if any and not many could tell you who the current Secretary of Labor is under Joe Biden. That’s because the current person probably isn’t famous for punching people in Movies, or the better half of Tango and Cash, nor were they un-frozen after 70 years in frozen jail to save San Angeles from another de-frozen prisoner in Demolition Man.
Sylvester Stallone is that and so much more.
Stallone can channel his Rocky character to quell any potential union trouble. Who is going to argue with Sly.
Supreme Court – Judge Judy
No one hands out justice for the most minor of things like TV’s Judge Judy.
With her stern look and love for justice, no one would be a better servant on the Supreme Court.
National Flim Registry – Alan Smithee
Our sources overheard that “Alan Smithee has done so many great, great films, so he should be part of the National Film Registry. Or whatever that is”.
Other People Yet to Be Confirmed but will/should
The Wooden Spooners sources tell us that there’s a few more Donald Trump Cabinet Picks to come for those that haven’t been reward for their loyalty yet. There’s no portfolio decided for this group but you know it’s coming.
Dr Phil – if Dr Oz can get a post within the Trump administration, then why is Dr Phil still waiting? Combine Dr Oz with RFK Jnr into a Health mega portfolio and the potential to save the world from everything is close.
Tucker Carlson – Whilst we’re sure there’s loads more Fox News people to come, surely Tucker will be next.
Vladimir Putin – in a surprising move, Donald Trump will appoint Putin to US Ambassador to Russia.
Inauguration Concert
Inauguration will be hosted by Mac Tonight, the moon face piano player with Grimmace using his recently found milkshake fame to provide backing vocals.
Kanye West, Lil Wayne, and other friends will be there belting out their best hits. It will probably be the last time you’ll see as many African Americans on stage with Trump.
Billy Ray Cyrus will threaten to play one off his new album until he is advised that the Secret Service snipers will be ready to shoot if he dares walk off stage without Achy Breaky Heart. Twice.
Billy Ray will be followed by three and a half hours of Country Music.
