It’s time for weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s angry man Buzz equivalent known only as the NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Round 16 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 16 Expert Tips and Weekly Rant
This could easily be the biggest waste of time round for the NRL this season, and a tremendous argument for having standalone Origin and no NRL.
But of course, because Channel Nein think they run the games, and they probably do, we’ll have Wednesday Origin forever and the NRL tanks for two months as a result. Thanks Channel Nein, good to see they are as good at bullying rugby league as they are their own staff. And reporters at airports. And contestants on “social experiment” MAFS. And while I’m on that, putting someone in a white coat and jamming in the odd comment in a reality show is not a social experiment, it is dross, bottom-of-the-barrel TV. Much like convincing people that Mr Ed actually did talk. Or that A Current Affair is anything like its title.
And, much like this week’s NRL, we’re not convinced by Channel Nein or the NRL.
Think I’m being dramatic?
Take a look at the dross, paltry offering for Round 16…..
Five games, featuring a lot of teams that will be Origin affected. Well, except the Wests Tigers.
A game in Gosford is pretty good evidence that it is Origin time. Much like a Warriors game on Channel Nein. Nothing against the Central Coast, it’s a great stadium and the area probably deserves a football team that isn’t named the Northern Eagles and reeking of Manly, plus we have a lot of time for the Woy Woy Roosters for so many reasons. And we do enjoy the giant sauce bottles down the end with no grandstand. Maybe the Titans could install those, it might make their home games more interesting and possibly increase the crowd numbers. And perhaps those sauce bottles could squirt out sauce like the flame machines when something happens. Tomato for a try, BBQ for a goal, and mustard for a penalty, because no one likes mustard. But not sure how I’ve got here, but Central Coast is great. The Leagues club is an outstanding social attraction where members and visitors can go on a winning streak.
Talking of winning streaks and bring it back to the original point of this weekend sucks, is not only the five games but some of the scheduling within that. The Gold Coast have lost a million in a row on a Saturday, so better play their game at home on a Saturday. The Wests Tigers have lost a million in a row at Campbelltown, so better play them at Campbelltown. Throw in that the Tigers have lost a million in a row v Canberra and you have some real misery for Tigers fans. The two other games on paper have key players missing, and they were always likely to have key players missing, but to ensure Round 16 stinks better put them on. It all boils down to why bother. Just take the whole week off, play the Origin on Sunday so the petty media back and forths for Origin can have their own time to shine and the NRL can offer up something better than the NRL’s equivalent of harness racing or A Current Affair. Not even Mr Smiles Daniel Ricciardo could save this weekend.
So a final up yours in the direction of Channel Nein before we move to this week’s game by game summary and expert tips.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 16 Expert Tips
DOLPHINS v MELBOURNE
Melbourne are some kind of machine as they sit on top of the ladder, perhaps Craig Bellamy is some kind of NRL Terminator, eliminating the dreams of their competition. I know I would feel more comfortable hanging out with the evil Terminators than being in his coaches box when on one of those specials sprays. No wonder Victoria have had more earthquakes than usual in recent years. Dolphins then must be the good Arnie for T2 this weekend as they try and stop the team with best record at Suncorp Stadium outside of Paul McCartney and U2. Hopefully they won’t be the screaming pain-in-the-arse Edward Furlong from Terminator 2. More like Linda Hamilton. Ray Stone is the Linda Hamilton of the Dolphins.
Dolphins by 4
GOLD COAST v WARRIORS
Last week we received favourable feedback on our comparison of Gold Coast and Seventh Day Adventists, hinting that the Titans basically have a rugby league sabbath on Saturdays. It’s 13 losses in a row now, and their home record is not much better. Although, this being a Warriors game, it probably won’t be a home game for them either. So better check the away form on a Saturday…..<checks computer – hits the Any key>…..it’s only four losses in a row. And the Titans have won four of the last five v Warriors. And the Warriors are paying $1.53 and favourites paying over $1.40 have won only four of the last 19 games. We’re going to throw in an upset here to make Round 16 interesting.
Gold Coast by 2
ROOSTERS v BULLDOGS
Normally being a Roosters game, we don’t care. But this game is in Gosford and they have those sauce bottles. Bulldogs have a pretty poor record away but are now the NRL’s best defensive team. They’ll need it, the Roosters are the best attacking team. Maybe this will be the game of the weekend and month and season. Or it will be a dull, error filled arm wrestle that will have casual fans flipping over to Police Ten Seven at half time and not returning.
Bulldogs by 4
SOUTHS v MANLY
Well we called an origin performance for Souths last weekend and they duly saluted, although only one of the two musketeers made it to the Blues. Will the forgotten Cody Walker show them who’s the boss, or will he sulk and be the Tony Danza of the NRL. That is probably the key to this game without Latrell Mitchell and Daly Cherry-Evans. At least Souths aren’t last anymore and a bold finals campaign is still possible. It’ll be the most unlikely success since Gladiator.
Souths by 8
WESTS TIGERS v CANBERRA
So the Tigers play at Campbelltown where they have lost their last ten games. On a Sunday where the Tigers have lost 21 of their last 22. Against Canberra where they have lost 13 of the last 14. Only a complete Balloonhead would pick the Tigers.
Wests Tigers by 6
