It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners continue to cast their eye over the biggest weekend of rugby league this season with the 2023 NRL Round 7 Results & Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the 2023 NRL Round 7 Results & Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can, and exlcusive stories you won’t hear anywhere else.
All reports are unconfirmed and most are completely made up, but we’ll let you decide which ones are. Any issues please contact our Legal team, and for any coaching vacancies or Luke Brooks keyboard bashing please contact the Fox League team.
2023 NRL ROUND 7 RESULTS
| Thu | Dolphins | 14 | South Sydney | 36 |
| Fri | Cronulla | 22 | Roosters | 12 |
| Fri | Manly Warringah | 18 | Melbourne | 8 |
| Sat | Warriors | 22 | North Queensland | 14 |
| Sat | Newcastle | 15 | Penrith | 16 |
| Sat | Gold Coast | 26 | Brisbane | 43 |
| Sun | Canberra | 20 | St George Illawarra | 14 |
| Sun | Parramatta | 30 | Bulldogs | 4 |
2023 NRL ROUND 7 RESULTS HEADLINES
WAYNE BENNETT FORGETS WHICH TEAM HE’S ADDRESSING IN HALF TIME SPEECH
Wayne Bennett sings Mustang Sally at the Dally M Awards (year unknown)
Newcomers Dolphins were looking very good on Thursday night in their clash against the South Sydney Rabbitohs at Suncorp Stadium.
Heading into the break the Dolphins were in front of Souths, who had torn up the Bulldogs the week before, and the fairytale looked set to continue. Then the came the half time break.
The Wooden Spooners spy in Brisbane eventually made it to the ground, thanks to the Western Freeway, and was just outside the rooms when Bennett addressed his players slipping in references to Redfern, and Glory, Glory.
Apparently the former Rabbitohs coach was confused which team he was coaching, and stirred up the Dolphins into letting Souths put on 30 unanswered points.
Dolphins forward Ray Stone was seen staring angrily into space, hating half time.
JACK WIGHTON TO USE THE DIAL-A-DOLPHIN HOTLINE
Jack Wighton recently announced that he was going to test his value on the open market, and The Wooden Spooners know what that means…..
He’s getting ready to Dial-A-Dolphin.
The Wooden Spooners exclusively revelaed the Dial-A-Dolphin Hotline – a service for NRL players to get the contract and money they want, with the NRL club of their choice, all by referring to interest from the Dolphins.
Of course most big name players turn down the opportunity to join the NRL newbies, who might we add are doing just fine without them.
Cynics suggest eventually Wighton will probably land at the Roosters with enough money left for player and club to buy new houses under the Roosters NRL Salary Cap Verandah scheme.
NRL TO CONSIDER HAIRCUT REGULATIONS TO EVEN OUT PLAYING FIELD FOR ALL TEAMS
Fresh from yet another ridiculous game-turning penalty where a player was penalised was hair pulling, the NRL are considering something very left field.
Instead of addressing a rule that may need tweaking, the NRL are considering asking all players to adopt a standard haircut, according to our Wooden Spooners spies in the NRL posing as cleaners.
The benefit may be two fold, as the penalties for hair pulling would reduce, and give the referees one less thing to get wrong, and would also encourage new, fresh sponsors aligned with the more clean cut wholesome look, rather than the many Ipswich revhead style currently in vogue.
Not that vogue, the Wooden Spooner have no proof Madonna likes NRL or rugby league.
JUSTIN OLAM – HAUMOLE OLAKAU’ATU TACKLE FROM FRIDAY NIGHT REGISTERS 8.6 ON THE RICHTER SCALE AND COULD BE FELT IN PORT MORESBY AND ANTARCTICA
One of the biggest collision seen in the NRL in recent seasons happened in the Manly v Melbourne game on Friday night when PNG Human Wrecking Ball Justin Olam smashed (legally) by Haumole Olakau’atu.
Somehow the Manly forward had managed to stop Olam in his tracks, which is some effort considering his running style closely resembles a full speed semi trailer.
Whilst the crowd at the ground cheered and wiped the sweat droplets from their faces, some also complained of a weird sonic wave that went around the ground.
Woode Spooers scientists, posing as raffle sellers at the ground, confirmed that the hit actually scored higher than most earthquakes and that their colleagues in PNG also felt the impact.
FOX LEAGUE WRITERS GIVEN THE WEEK OFF WITH WESTS TIGERS BYE
Given the relentless schedule of Fox League bashing the Wests Tigers, it should be of no surprise that the Fox League writing are exhausted.
So looking after the Fox League writers welfare, if not the Wests Tigers, the Team Leader of the NRL Clickbait department of Fox Sports ordered all their staff to have the whole weekend off. Instructing them to stay of Twitter and spoil themselves.
“JUST SACK THE POOR BUGGER (DRAGONS COACH ANTHONY GRIFFIN) ALREADY” SAYS SHANE FLANAGAN AND HIS MATES AT FOX LEAGUE
After the Dragons loss in Canberra on Sunday – their seventh from seven in Canberra on a Sunday – Dragons coach Anthony Griffin came under even more pressure.
Not the the poor bugger needed more pressure, as he has effectively already been told he won’t be coaching there next season.
Wooden Spooners spies in the Fox League studios posing as TV Cameras, can confirm that Shane Flanagan mentioned the soon-to-be-vacant Dragons job off air many times.
According to our spies, the former Sharks coach who led the club to their maiden title amid off field controversy was reassured by his fellow Fox League colleagues that they would continue to talk up Flanagan during broadcasts, and trash talk Griffin as much as possible.
2023 NRL ROUND 7 SHORT, SHARP HEADLINES
FULL HOUSE AT GOLD COAST v BRONCOS GAME SHOWS MOST INTEREST IN GOLD COAST SPORT SINCE DAIKYO DOLPHINS WON THE AUSTRALIAN BASEBALL TITLE IN THE EARLY 90’S
AFL GATHER ROUND IS NOT AS GOOD OR BETTER THAN MAGIC ROUND DESPITE AFL AND CHANNEL SEVEN’S REPEATED ATTEMPTS TO SAY SO. GATHER ROUND IS ALSO A STUPID NAME
