It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have returned for the new NRL season to cast their eye over the first weekend of rugby league that was with the 2023 NRL Round 3 Results & Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the 2023 NRL Round 3 Results & Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can, and exclusive stories you won’t hear anywhere else.
All reports are unconfirmed and most are completely made up, but we’ll let you decide which ones are. Any issues please contact our Legal team, and for any coaching vacancies or Luke Brooks keyboard bashing please contact the Fox League team.
2023 NRL ROUND 3 RESULTS
| Thu | Manly Warringah | 34 | Parramatta | 30 |
| Fri | Newcastle | 20 | Dolphins | 36 |
| Fri | Roosters | 20 | South Sydney | 18 |
| Sat | Gold Coast | 38 | Melbourne | 34 |
| Sat | North Queensland | 12 | Warriors | 26 |
| Sat | Brisbane | 40 | St George Illawarra | 18 |
| Sun | Bulldogs | 26 | Wests Tigers | 22 |
| Sun | Canberra | 24 | Cronulla | 20 |
2023 NRL ROUND 3 RESULTS HEADLINES
START OF AFL SEASON SEES 95% OF VICTORIANS FORGET ABOUT THE STORM AGAIN
For those in rugby league land, or those who don’t watch Sunrise on a weekend, or most people in Brisbane if the Lions aren’t in the finals, they may be blissfully unaware that the AFL season started this weekend.
Not in Melbourne though, where the AFL takes over daily life.
The only loser? Rugby.
No, not the 15 man game that virtually all states agree on is a private school, collars up, alcohol labels out, penalty heavy, snore fest, the “rugby” that the Melbourne Storm play in.
For the record Melbourne Storm lost on the weekend to the Gold Coast Titans, upon which 90% of that 5% who still recall the Storm didn’t know the Gold Coast had a team.
Note: we are paying out Victorian based casual bandwagon Melbourne Storm fans, not the good loyal fans in other areas, who are particularly prickly when it comes to criticism.
NRL TO INVESTIGATE THE ROOSTERS AFTER THEY ARROGANTLY CHANGE THEIR SALARY CAP SOMBRERO JOKE TO SALARY CAP VERANDAH
After Brandon Smith’s manager made claims about Salary Cap, that definitely weren’t aimed at his client’s current club, our sources say the NRL is looking into the Roosters.
The NRL are allegedly fed up of the constant taunts of Roosters fans about their Salary Cap Sombrero, which has become more of a Salary Cap veranda in recent months.
NRL auditors are looking at all local boat dealers to start with, and will go from there, ensuring there’s no token jobs with any of the big name backers of the clubs. So we will see whether there will be a few Roosters on the next series of the Celebrity Apprentice.
The Roosters meanwhile are looking into a variation of a popular US reality show, as a gaslight to the NRL.
NRL TO ADJUST 2024 DRAW TO INCLUDE SIX ROOSTERS v RABBITOHS CLASHES
The NRL have been so encouraged by the recent Roosters-Rabbitohs clashes that they are considering allowing
Much like how the Roosters are currently allowed to do whatever they are with the salary cap, and get a free state of the art stadium that no one else can use, the NRL are looking to ensure the Roosters continue to get some help by scheduling at least four home games at Allianz Stadium against the Rabbitohs.
And given that Souths have lost all eight games at the ground against the Roosters on a Friday since 1998, you can be sure that all those games will be on a Friday.
NEWCASTLE KNIGHT CONSIDERING A SEEK OR LINKED IN AD FOR NEW PLAYERS AS INJURY CRISIS CONTINUES
Pic: Trainer fails test to pat head and rub tummy at same time.
Newcastle Knights have been very unlucky with injuries and suspensions thus far in 2023, with their player count already in the mid 20’s after three rounds, and more injuries to come.
With their star and late-night toilet enthusiast Kalyn Ponga out for a while, and Tyson Gamble likely to piss everyone off in rugby league in the next two weeks, the Knights have reportedly been left with no choice but to advertise on Seek and Linked In.
Of course, advertising on Linked In will come with many, many ladder climbing businspiration posts, but they have no other option.
Their absence list is so bad at the moment, they aren’t even considering sacking the coach. For now.
SMUG LEAGUE JOURNALISTS BEMOAN GAME CHANGING LATE TRIES RUINING THEIR SUMMARIES
There were no fewer than 14 tries scored in the 70th minute or later in round Three of the NRL, and some of those tries were game changing.
While this is exciting for the fans, there was one group who didn’t appreciate it – grumpy NRL journalists.
Many journalists, including our own grump Bazz Wrathfield had their match summaries and unrelenting player shaming written and had to heavily rework the match summaries.
WESTS TIGERS TO OPEN LUKE BROOKS HOTLINE TO SEND THEIR ABUSE TO BEAT FOX LEAGUE WRITERS TO THE BEST MATERIAL. BROOKS SEEKS ALTERNATIVES
No matter what the Wests Tigers do, one thing is guaranteed, Luke Brooks will be a focal point.
Sadly for Brooks he has become the scapegoat for the Wests Tigers, and usually wears the brunt of the post match abuse.
Whilst some of the abuse is unfair, Brooks’ achievement to salary ratio is disproportionate, and is nearing Social Media influencer.
The Wooden Spooners have the inside word that the Wests Tigers social media team has had enough of trawling through the comments on their Twitter and Facebook, so applied a Luke Brooks filter and have some kind of bot to delete any post mentioning Luke Brooks.
But knowing that the fans still want to vent, and they feel somewhat responsible for not selling him to the knights a few times, the Tigers media team have opened up a dedicated 1800 Hotline where you can record your thoughts.
And with people able to vent personally, there was no need for them to read any of the several Tiger bashing articles from the Fox League writers group.
Luke Brooks meanwhile is rumoured, according to our sources, of quitting rugby league to set up an Only Fans site.
CHANNEL NEIN BOSSES PERPLEXED ABOUT SUNDAY FOOTY RATING DESPITE CONTINUALLY PUTTING ON A TEAM THAT IS BOTTOM FOUR AT BEST AND LOSE ALL THE TIME
http://gty.im/1474521882
The once all-important Sunday afternoon game on Channel Nein has lost some of its appeal. Well, with the TV viewing public that is.
Recent viewing figures puts the NRL behind ABC powerhouse Death In Paradise and only just in front of the Channel Ten news, proving just how weak the figures are.
But is it any wonder, when Sunday’s continue to feature the Wests Tigers?
Not only are the Tigers the current Wooden Spooners, and play uninspiring rugby league, but they also have a terrible record on a Sunday.
QUICK HEADLINES
RAIDERS FANS HAVE BITTERSWEET FLASHBACKS TO 2019 AFTER HODGSON SCORES SOLO TRY FOR PARRAMATTA
SOME BRISBANE RUGBY LEAGUE FANS DON’T THINK FOX LEAGUE HAVE HYPED THE BATTLE OF BRISBANE ENOUGH YET
WOODEN SPOONERS UNFAIR QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Q: Who will the Wests Tigers beat first in 2023?
A: A team playing poorly having a bad day.
SOCIALS OF THE WEEK
One of our NRL Social of the Week is from a Simpsons Related NRL Memes Facebook Page like it always is these days which is a must for those who love NRL, Simpsons and a laugh.
The other is from a Twitter account worth following for NRL fans.
