February 4, 2025, 8:08 am

2022 WORLD CUP | Qatar 2022 Football World Cup Headlines

Going beyond the results, here are the 2022 Football World Cup Headlines bringing you the news that the mainstream media may be too scared to air for fear of having equipment smashed or can’t be bothered due to hidden payments. Either that or some of these stories are complete fakes.

Our 2022 Football World Cup Headlines will give the slightly different angle on the big tournament in Qatar, with exclusives from our wide range of reporters on the ground in Doha and beyond.

The 2022 World Cup Headlines will be updated daily, so come back for more.

2022 Football World Cup Headlines

AS of Tuesday 22nd November

Gianni Infantino channels his Inner Shania Twain

2022 football world cup headlines - gianni shania

FIFA boss Gianni Infantino has been under immense pressure about the World Cup in Qatar, which has ramped up since landing in Qatar itself.

Which might explain his bizarre and absurd press conference on the Saturday before the first kick off.

Among many things said at the press conference by the FIFA ranging for bizarre to straight offensive was ‘I feel gay, disabled … like a woman too!’….

We have it on good authority that Infantino does indeed fell like a woman sometimes as he fronts a Shania Twain tribute act for pubs around London.

 

BBC refuse to show World Cup Opening Ceremony due to Qatar’s appalling human rights. Nearly everyone doesn’t watch the World Cup Opening Ceremony because like other major sporting events Opening Ceremonies they are overrated and shit.

The BBC made headlines on Sunday after not showing the Opening Ceremony for the World Cup, showing another program that doesn’t paint this World Cup in the best light. Good on the BBC for their conscious, but they weren’t the only ones turned off.

A quick online poll on The Gurgler website showed that 95% of our readers didn’t watch the Opening Ceremony. 55% of those admitted they didn’t realise that there was one.

But most admitted that if they knew they still wouldn’t watch it. One fans explained via email.

“Opening ceremonies are the biggest buckets of wank in sporting history. Made for mainstream TV news to show three seconds of in the news breaks. It’s worse than Grand Design for going over budget and going for way too late.”

 

Budweiser and Qatar Football Team have something in common

The Qatar football team, and one of FIFA’s biggest sponsors had more in common than you thought after their first game.

Both had a big, fat zero product on offer at the ground, both were weak as piss, and finally both made the audience leave early.

 

FIFA Looking to Add New Features That Put the Fun in World Cup Fan Zone

2022 world cup headlines - fan zone

FIFA were proud of their fan zones for the 2022 Football World Cup, giving fans of all nations a place to come together.

But sadly these fan zones being panned in several articles before and after the World Cup, and with FIA too scared to piss off the local government, they have announced some unique changes to the FIFA Fan Zones.

We approached a FIFA executive for comment, originally pretending to be holding one of those suitcases you see in movies that looks like it’s chockers full of $100 notes, and they advised that “the changes were for the safety and comfort of all World Cup fans in Qatar” before scurrying away when they realised the suitcase only had a half eaten sandwich inside.

 

UK Home Office Raise Alert Status for World Cup win

2022 football world cup headlines - england

Poor attempt at photoshopping Australian bushfire awareness.

After the 6-2 drubbing of long time rivals and footballing powerhouse Iran, England’s football fans are even more excited about the prospect of the trophy “coming home”.

To ensure that the safety of all British public is considered, they have raised the World Cup “WC” status to extreme.

This goes out as a warning for the general public who don’t follow or like football that there will be unlimited football talk on the streets, in pubs, and in all forms of media. Whether you like it or not.

It also means there is an above average chance of being sprayed with random beer during English football games.

UPDATED: UK Home Office are looking to upgrade the status ahead of the Round of 16 match v Senegal.

 

FIFA and Qatari Football Tournament Bosses Explain How Stated Crowd Numbers are Higher than Ground Capacity

According to this article from Fox Sports Australia, the 2022 World Cup bosses have overstated crowd numbers for figures larger than what the stadiums can actually hold.

From Fox Sports

At the opening match of the tournament – hosts Qatar against Ecuador – the official attendance was declared at 67,372. But the Al Bayt Stadium in Al Khor only holds 60,000, according to the official media guide for the tournament.

Then the Netherlands played Senegal at the Al Thumama stadium, with a capacity of 40,000 – only for officials to announce an attendance of 41,721.

When The Gurgler’s 2022 Football World Cup Headlines team approached tournament bosses for an explanation, we were simply told “Clowns Are Funny” and ushered out of the building and carpark and nearby suburb.

2022 world cup headlines - crowd figures

Clowns are indeed funny.

 

FIFA Deny New Watch Partnership Reasons Behind Nearly 30 Minutes of Added Time in England v Iran.

2022 football world cup headlines - watches

England v Iran on Monday evening saw nearly 30 minutes of Added time plonked at the end of both halves combined.

And while popular thought at the ground was that the doctors were allegedly waiting for the goalkeeper to die from the concussion before allowing him to leave the field, the 2022 Football World Cup Headlines team know different.

After scanning through the myriad of FIFA endorsements while being detained for using a rainbow coloured toothpaste in our hotel, we noticed that FIFA had signed a new wrist watch sponsorship with upcoming company SlapWrist Sports Watches.

We then did the math and the homework and worked out that the two were linked, as the deal was only signed in the hours before the England v Iran match, and most missed the new watch product on the wrists of the fourth official holding the Added Time board.

We didn’t, so as we were being thrown out of the World Cup HQ for the previous headline, we asked about the watches. The security guy who had us in a decent pretzel arrangement refused to comment except for “and stay out” as he threw us the remaining five metres from wherever we weren’t meant to be.

 

POPULAR FROG ARRESTED AT WORLD CUP FOR PRE MATCH ENTERTAINMENT

2022 World Cup Kermit

Popular entertainer and huge football fan Kermit the Frog has been arrested in Qatar for attempting a soulful rendition of his most popular song.

Kermit was at the Netherlands-Qatar game, as there were plenty of spare seats, and with the crowd a little bored waiting for kick off, some of the Dutch fans noticed the oversized green frog with floppy arms sitting in the row beside.

After a few minutes of encouragement, not fueled by beer of course, Kermit agreed to sing his big song Rainbow Connection.

The stadiums ultra high tech AI security system picked up the word Rainbow within two seconds of Kermit’s first line and security was alerted.

Upon seeing the 1050 ground security heading his way Kermit tried to escape via the field, but that didn’t stop him being pretzled and sent to a back room for “questioining”. We have not heard from Kermit since.

Kermit the Frog was flying solo due to his worries that his long time companion Miss Piggy would be arrested on entry to Qatar for being a pig in a public place.

 

FIFA TO RELEASE UPDATED SOUNDTRACK FOR QATAR 2022 WORLD CUP ALBUM

2022 World Cup Music

If you weren’t aware, FIFA released some music to accompany the 2022 World Cup. Although it was likely conjured as a way of taking more money from patrons and artists alike, it has been semi popular.

Popular enough for a follow up updated version to be rushed through.

These new songs were chosen to better reflect FIFA and the 2022 World Cup rather than the previous songs.

The updated remixed songs are below.

Money = Pink Floyd

Money, Money, Money – ABBA

Money (That’s What I Want) – Beatles

Money for Nothing – Dire Straits

Money Changes Everything – Cyndi Lauper

Moneytalks – ACDC

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap – ACDC

Pub With No Beer – Slim Dusty featuring Russell Crowe’s TOFOG

I Was In The House When The House Burned Down – Warren Zevon

You Make Me Feel Like Dancing – Leo Sayers with The Wiggles

YMCA – Village People (not to play live)

 

 

LOCAL MELBOURNE FLARE SHOP SELLING OUT AFTER SOCCEROOS MAKE KNOCKOUT STAGE

Embed from Getty Images

Note above: from another Socceroos game.

The Australian Football community is not the only ones cheering the Socceroos progress into the Knockout round of the 2022 World Cup, local businesses are kicking goals too.

Take Stan Jeffries from Flare If You Dare in Melbourne, his customised sporting flares business is selling out of product as the Socceroos continue their winning ways.

“It’s been a rough few years with Covid lockdowns here in Victoria, no one wanted to light flares in their own homes during lockdown, so we were this close to going under in 2021” says who we presume was Stan Jeffries as we were unable to tell from the smoke inside his store.

After coughing for 30 seconds from the smoke we tried to ask another question but an alarm was going off by then.

“She’ll be right mate” said Stan. “That’s just my nephew Jeff working on a spicy Argentina v Socceroos special. Menion it on your website if you can mate”.

We refused the offer and left his store as the local fire engine approached, for the sixth time that week according to locals.

 

Kaaps Lochehttps://www.thegurgler.com
Kaaps doesn’t sleep much, and has a 60inch full HD TV and Foxtel, therefore watches more television than most. is also very strange and has a slightly different outlook on life, so comes up with a lot of rubbish that he thinks is funny and usually isn’t. Out of sympathy, we publish his stuff from time to time. So prepare your sympathy laughs and put that lovely drawing on the fridge for Kaaps.

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