In a shock announcement, Australia will have a new prime minister.
Effective immediately, Andrew Bolt will replace Scott Morrison as the country’s leader.
Staff Writers at Everyday (Election News) can reveal that Rupert Murdoch has grown tired of ScoMo’s increasingly cynical – and embarrassing – public photo ops and demanded change before the impeding election.
According to one of Murdoch’s anonymous servants, Bolt was chosen “because he’ll obey everything Rupert tells him to do, his conservative views make Morrison look like a snowflake hippie, and he has enough rusted-on support from his Sky News work and News Corp opinion pieces to ensure he’ll stay in power for at least the next decade. And Bolt is smart and experienced enough not to embarrass himself in public.”
As for Morrison, his consolation prizes are a plush spot on the coal-loving board of his choice, a weekly opinion piece in The Australian, and hosting a new Foxtel-backed Cronulla-Sutherland Sharks podcast called How Good are the Sharkies?
Bolt was excited to lead Australia. “I’m honoured to take on this role and will strive to transport this wonderful country back to the 1950s, just like Uncle Rupert always wanted.”
Everyday (Election) News is political-themed sub-genre of Everyday News, the brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of ‘The Betoota Advocate’. We swear.
