Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has announced a new date for Australia Day.
From 2023, Australia Day will be held on March 11.
Though, in a complete coincidence, it’s also Rupert Murdoch’s birthday.
ScoMo was genuinely surprised when told that by the Everyday News reporter.
“Well, what are the odds of that?” said ScoMo. “What a nice way to celebrate the life of our esteemed and compassionate leader. Rupert’s as fair dinkum an Aussie bloke as you can get, so it makes sense. At least it’ll finally stop people bloody complaining about changing the bloody date!”
He explained the reason for the change was that it hit the nice sweet spot between the end of Christmas/New Year festivities and Easter, and just happened to fall on the media giant’s special day. Though, as March 11, 2023 is a Saturday, the Australia Day public holiday will be the following Monday (March 13), with Australia Day festivities taking place on the Saturday.
The current date (January 26) will still be a public holiday in 2023, with a team of marketing experts working hard to rename it.
“‘Settlement Day’ and ‘First Fleet Day’ are the frontrunners so far,” said ScoMo. “That should keep the bloody lefty-snowflake whingers happy!”
Meanwhile, Uncle Rupert’s army of NewsCorp papers have started preparing copy-and-paste articles praising ScoMo for his brave leadership in changing the date, while Andrew Bolt is halfway through a 10,000 word Editorial about why Scott Morrison is Australia’s greatest ever prime minister.
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of ‘The Betoota Advocate’. We swear.
