A new season of rugby league is almost upon us, and a lot of good websites will be making bold predictions (including ours) but not our regular grump – The Sporting Cynic. Instead of trying to pick a winner or the top eight, The Sporting Cynic is looking at the glass quarter full offering up one reason why each NRL team can’t win the 2022 NRL Premiership.
It’s easy being negative and finding fault, which is why The Sporting Cynic has assembled his 2022 NRL Premiership Preview of Doom and Gloom.
Of course The Sporting Cynic will be wrong on one occasion, but will take the 94% success and claim every reason being the correct one for why each NRL team doesn’t win the title this season.
So get ready for the darker side of your team’s chances with the One Reason Your Team Can’t Win the 2022 Premiership. Some clubs are lucky enough to have more than one.
PENRITH PANTHERS
NRL won’t let them win another one for a while
After dropping the NRL Trophy, and a few specials on social media, the NRL are reportedly quietly hoping Penrith don’t win the title for a little while.
SOUTH SYDNEY RABBITOHS
The Ghost of Wayne Bennett
Not that Wayne Bennett is looking more like a ghost every day, but the impact on a club after he leaves is profound.
Since Bennett left the Dragons in 2011, only one of his former sides have made the finals in the next three seasons after Bennett’s departure.
The average finishing position for the teams in the three post Bennett years is 13.3.
MANLY SEA EAGLES
Covid Restrictions Easing
No one can argue that Manly are stuffed without Tom Trbojevic. He was the best player in the competition last season despite missing out on a chunk of it due to injury.
And there’s the big risk to Manly’s season. An injury to Tom Trbojevic.
With just about everyone in NSW now having gotten Covid, no doubt local dictator Dom Parrotface will ensure all Covid restrictions are lifted as soon as possible.
This means places like pubs will be open without restrictions and the Manly mall will be as dangerous as ever for rugby league players looking for a late night workout.
ROOSTERS
The NRL finally uncovers the elaborate Sombrero scheme
With no real reason why the Roosters can’t win the 2022 NRL Premiership except for another team will be better, we decided to go for the cheap shot for entertainment purposes.
We can picture the Roosters bye weekend bring their Salary Cap sombrero scheme down, as a group of players stage a Greg Inglis signature boat race across Sydney harbour.
When pulled over by Water Police, not Water Rats, the investigation finds out that all the boats involved are owned by the respective Roosters players and none are declared in the salary cap.
MELBOURNE STORM
Redcliffe bound players saving themselves for 2023
The Redcliffe Dolphins aka The Dolphins are coming for 2023 and they certainly appear to have a recruitment strategy – honest, older, and current Storm players if you please.
With Redcliffe Dolphins aka The Dolphins still about 25 players short of a squad, they well come knocking on the Storm’s door a few more times in 2022.
One can imagine the scenario where Redcliffe Dolphins aka The Dolphins will have six to nine current Melbourne players on their books, and those players will have Suttons beach and a handsome future salary in the back of their mind. This could lead to lower than expected performances on the field as they save themselves for a big 2023.
PARRAMATTA EELS
Parramatta Eels
One can sometimes think that as long as Parramatta Eels are the Parramatta Eels that they will do something to stop themselves winning a premiership.
NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS
Luke Brooks
If the Knights were thinking Luke Brooks was the answer to Mitchell Pearce then they’re in more 2022 NRL Premiership trouble than we first thought.
GOLD COAST
It’s the Gold Coast
Not since the Daikyo Dolphins won the 1991-92 Australian Baseball League title in 1991-92 has there been any success for sporting teams on the Gold Coast.
Sure the Titans are more professional than the Captain Charger era of the glitter strip’s rugby league life, and more likely to win something than the Gold Coast Rollers basketball team or Gold Coast Suns AFL side, but still…
It’s the Gold Coast.
CRONULLA SHARKS
Scomo
In an election year will probably be seen more than ever at the Sharkies home games to try and prove he is the average Aussie dad who loves his league and is not the complete psycho that others think.
Rumours he is at the ground as a backup for the floodlights are unconfirmed. The club have been accused of using his glaring smirk to light up the ground in the case the floodlights fail.
Either way, Scomo will be a big distraction, taking away from the great rebuilding project going on in The Shire.
Although, we wonder where the “stars” of that reality TV show are these days. Probably applied for MAFS.
CANBERRA RAIDERS
Ricky Stuart
Ricky Stuart aka The Angry Ant aka Carlos Smearson is one of the main reasons for Canberra’s recent success. But he’s also volatile and could be the one reason the Canberra Raiders won’t win the 2022 NRL Premiership.
Ricky has been a little too quiet recently, so we picture a simmering Stuart exploding at some stage when results, performances and refereeing decisions don’t go as expected.
ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA DRAGONS
A coaching combo of Griffin and Elliott doesn’t inspire
Just because Penrith won the 2021 NRL title doesn’t mean two ex Penrith coaches are going to bring the Dragons success.
Sure part time chef Paul Vaughan has been shuffled off, but the recruiting has a real Moneyball feel about it. Maybe it will end as a genius move, probably not though.
WESTS TIGERS
Luke Brooks
Our resident Wests Tigers fan channels the Frozen musical with Let Him Go.
The much maligned Brooks is an easy target, hence why he’s included in this list. But, to be fair, the Tigers don’t look like winning anything with Brooks running the show.
Which makes their refusal to sell him onto the Newcastle Knights the more puzzling.
BRISBANE BRONCOS
The Courier Mail
The low grade bum wiping rag is the only newspaper in town, and as such heaps ridiculous amount of pressure and coverage on the Broncos.
With Covid hopefully dying out in 2022, the Courier Mail entire staff will have to do something other than bash Annastacia Palaszczuk.
Endless exclusive interviews with Kevin Walters, and full back page Harvey Norman advertisements will eventually weigh down the Broncos and see them miss the finals for a third season.
One could say that no other sporting club has been more affected by Covid.
Which the Courier Mail will then blame Annastacia Palaszczuk and use as a tool for the opposition for the next election.
NEW ZEALAND WARRIORS
Another season away from New Zealand
As nice as Redcliffe is with the Hornibrook Bridge, Bee Gees alley walk and the Trotting track it isn’t Auckland.
Everyone has admired the Warriors for their continued involvement in the NRL away from home, but playing away each week just makes it too hard for the Sporting Cynic to see a 2022 NRL Premiership.
Better to wait for a full 2023 in NZ and win the first comp in style.
NORTH QUEENSLAND COWBOYS
Just because
The Cowboys were really terrible at times last season, and there is absolutely no proof that anything will change in 2022.
Todd Payten, for all his coaching nous and menacing Heisenberg stare offs won’t have a great deal to smile about in 2022 either.
BULLDOGS
It is only Year One of Gus Gould’s reign
Gus Gould was a great acquisition for the Bulldogs, but he can’t work miracles that quickly.
He has an X year plan waiting to happen, and not a second before. Unless it happens.
