The football was thrown into chaos just under a week with the announcement that some of the biggest clubs in the world were forming their own European Super League. Just a few days later, after the rest of the football world including their own fans tore them a new arsehole, most of the clubs had withdrawn and it was all over, for now. But where one group left off, others have picked up and we have an exclusive set of media statements to release on behalf of the European Super League Alternatives.
So the return of the Gurgler Six Pack has six different media statements from six different European Super League Alternatives, all looking to get started in the near future.
FORMER FORGOTTEN PREMIER LEAGUE CLUBS ANNOUNCE
NEW SUPER LEAGUE COMPETITION
Some of England’s best known and loved, yet underappreciated football clubs have today come together to announce they have agreed to establish a new midweek competition the Remember Us? We Used to be in the Premier League Super League, governed by it’s founding clubs.
Sunderland, Portsmouth, Ipswich Town, Derby County, Birmingham City, QPR, Sheffield Wednesday, Coventry City, Charlton Athletic, Bradford, Hull City, Bolton Wanderers, Huddersfield, Wigan have all joined as Founding Clubs. It is anticipated that more clubs will want to join ahead of the inaugural season, which is intended to commence as soon as practicable.
Some of these teams are even worldwide stars due to their hit shows on Netflix, or are famous for being terrible in the Premier League.
Either way this group of teams are becoming less likely to return to the Premier League anytime soon due to poor form, management incompetence, or that there’s quite a few divisions in the way of some of these teams, so why not create an exclusive Super League rather than wait for Premier League riches.
YO-YO PREMIER LEAGUE CLUBS ANNOUNCE
NEW SUPER LEAGUE COMPETITION
Some of England’s well known football clubs have today come together to announce they have agreed to establish a new midweek competition the Yo-Yo Premier League Super League, governed by it’s founding clubs.
West Bromwich Albion, Norwich City, Watford, Bournemouth, Fulham, QPR, Bournemouth, Cardiff, Swansea,, Reading and Sheffield Utd have all joined as Founding Clubs. It is anticipated that more clubs will want to join ahead of the inaugural season, which is intended to commence as soon as practicable.
Given these teams have been or are most likely to be in a consistent Yo-Yo between the Championship and the Premier League because of the big, fat wad O cash they get in parachute payments against other clubs in an era of no crowds for revenue, and that the Premier League would like to reduce the teams down to 18, this new Yo-Yo Super League has been created to give these teams exclusive rights to a rich league, without any of the necessary rebuilding phases required in the Championship.
Without the worry of promotion and/or relegation, these teams promise to deliver the best on-field product to show why they almost make or survive in the Premier League..
FORMER EUROPEAN GLORIES CLUBS ANNOUNCE
NEW SUPER LEAGUE COMPETITION
Some of European Football’s more forgotten achievers have today come together to announce they have agreed to establish a new midweek competition the Former European Glories Super League, governed by it’s founding clubs.
Aston Villa, Everton, Ipswich Town, Nottingham Forest, Schalke, Espanyol, Dnipro, Malmo, Hamburg, Partizan, Reims, Steaua Bucharest, Red Star, Feyenoord, Parma, Anderlecht, AZ Alkmaar, Dundee Utd, Middlesbrough, Werder Bremen and Fulham have all joined as Founding Clubs. It is anticipated that more clubs will want to join ahead of the inaugural season, which is intended to commence as soon as practicable.
All of these teams have legacy European credentials, all having made a final in either the Europa League or the Champions League (or previous incarnations) but all are increasingly less likely to feature in any of those tournaments given the greed of the Super League and/or UEFA’s expansion to accommodate preferred teams.
Either way this group of teams are becoming less likely to return to the Premier League anytime soon due to poor form, management incompetence, or that there’s quite a few divisions in the way of some of these teams, so why not create an exclusive Super League rather than wait for Premier League riches.
FOOTBALL HIPSTER CLUBS ANNOUNCE
NEW SUPER LEAGUE COMPETITION
Some of European Football’s most popular or thought provoking teams have today come together to announce they have agreed to establish a new midweek competition the Football Hipsters Super League, governed by it’s founding clubs.
Leeds Utd, Forest Green Rovers, Dulwich Hamlet, Brentford, Eibar, St Pauli, Borussia Dortmund, Ajax, Athletic Bilbao, Rayo Vallecano, Livorno, Real Oviedo and Portland Timbers have all joined as Founding Clubs. It is anticipated that more clubs will want to join ahead of the inaugural season, which is intended to commence as soon as practicable.
All of these teams have widespread appeal and support among the football hipsters, and all will fighting for justice of various injustices within football and outside of football. It will be a Super League to be proud of and feel better about. Or they are just football teams that have a certain hipster appeal.
The Football Hipsters Super League promises to schedule games in the best interest of the environment, as the goal of the competition is to be carbon neutral by the end of the first season.
Each team will have a head coach, but Marcelo Bielsa will act as a Technical Director for all teams involved in the Football Hipsters Super League.
FOOTBALL’S MOST HATED OWNERS ANNOUNCE
NEW SUPER LEAGUE COMPETITION
Some of European Football’s most hated owners outside of the original Super League clubs have today come together to announce they have agreed to establish a new midweek competition the Football’s Most Hated Owners Super League, governed by it’s founding clubs.
Newcastle Utd, RB Leipzig, Red Bull Salzburg, Birmingham City, MK Dons, Charlton, Hull City, Palermo, West Ham, Coventry and Man Utd have all joined as Founding Clubs. It is anticipated that more clubs will want to join ahead of the inaugural season, which is intended to commence as soon as practicable.
All of these teams have owners who have been so unpopular, incompetent or just plain evil and a general lack of care about anything the football does or how it affects fans makes it perfect to create their own league.
The clubs have agreed that after the fan uprising for the original European Super League, and given their own lack of care for fans, the entire Football’s Most Hated Owners Super League will be played with no fans and at neutral venues in as many countries as possible.
This guaranteed new Super League will allow themselves to give the middle finger to the rest of the common clubs. And to the financial regulations. If the clubs haven’t already sold off their grounds and training facilities, these will be held as collateral for the minimum 5 years of this competition.
THE WARNOCK-MCCARTHY ALLIANCE ANNOUNCE
NEW SUPER LEAGUE COMPETITION
The English Football League clubs that have previously been managed by EFL coaching stalwarts Mick McCarthy and Neil Warnock have today come together to announce they have agreed to establish a new midweek competition the McCarthy-Warnock Super League, governed by it’s founding clubs.
Millwall, Sunderland, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Ipswich Town, APOEL, Cardiff City, Gainsborough Trinity, Burton Albion, Scarborough, Notts County, Torquay United, Huddersfield Town, Plymouth Argyle, Oldham Athletic, Bury, Sheffield United, Leeds United, Crystal Palace, QPR, Rotherham United, Middlesbroughhave all joined as Founding Clubs. It is anticipated that more clubs will want to join ahead of the inaugural season, which is intended to commence as soon as practicable.
All of these teams have been managed by either/both Mick McCarthy and Neil Warnock in their history, and all teams will play a style of football befitting of the competition naming rights.
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