Celebrate National Pretend to Know Something About Melbourne Cup Tipping Week

Spring Carnival is well underway, and the four-day Flemington Carnival is ready to kick off, so what better time to Celebrate National Pretend to Know Something About Melbourne Cup Tipping Week.

It’s that time of the year when many a person tunes into Horse Racing and try to convince their friends and family they know something about Melbourne Cup Tipping.

Similar to the time where people pretend to care/know about the Sydney to Hobart yacht race, or politics on Election night with Antony Green, some become unbearable around this time of year.

Someone knows a person, who knows this, who listened to that and so on.

It’s that level of detail we are celebrating with National Pretend to Know Something About Melbourne Cup Tipping Week.

The Pretend to Know Something About Melbourne Cup Week Types to be Wary Of

Here we list the type of individual you will come across this week, and avoid, before the Melbourne Cup

THE EVERY SATURDAY MELBOURNE CUP CYNIC

This is the person who frequents the TAB or nearest pub every Saturdays, riding the weekly wins and losses and has no time for once a year blow ins. They will probably give you  lecture about how the Melbourne Cup betting is the hardest race of the year, and a complete waste of time. This is before going  into a diatribe about how they clog up the TAB on Tuesday when they are trying to get a bet on for regional Victoria.

Eventually when the ranting stops, they will give you a tip like they don’t really care, but they secretly do.

THE SKY CHANNEL DEVOTEE

This is similar to the person above, but much more positive. Unfortunately they will go into the minute detail about overseas form comparison, track bias, trial times, and jockey strike rates at track and distance. Five minutes later they will be telling you how great Tony Brassall is, and weighing up the best horse race callers in the land.

If you have the time to listen then help yourself, if not avoid.

THE BLACK BOOKER

Following on from the Sky Channel Devotee, this type of Melbourne Cup betting expert is still more pleasant than the Every Saturday Cynic, but is not to be trusted like the Sky Channel Devotee.

The Black Booker will watch about 15 minutes of Sky Channel, catch a little of TAB radio in the drive to work, and glance through the sweeps guide in the local paper. That collective 30 minutes of listening to other opinions leads him to pick the most convincing of the recommendations and give them to everyone who will listen.

How do you them apart from the Sky Channel Devotee? Ask about track bias, or name all three previous runs of the horse they tip.

THE LUCKY OMEN TIPSTER

These tips should be taken with a grain of salt, however they are the most entertaining of all the Melbourne Cup betting “experts”.

While they may not have any science behind the tip, the story or omen is usually entertaining, and worth a listen.

If you like them.

And it is worth throwing their tip into a trifecta too. Just in case.

THE HORSE RACING IS EVIL AND SHOULD BE BANNED (IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG)

This is a person to avoid, as they have no interest in the Melbourne Cup and Melbourne Cup betting, usually.

It probably won’t stop them going to the races, getting shitfaced, and putting a bet on anyway, and telling you excitedly about their $1 each way on the favourite.

But.

If something should go wrong, which happens in horse racing from time to time, they will be on the socials spouting about the evils of horse racing, and how it should be banned, and they’ll never get interested in the Melbourne Cup betting again.

Until next November.

THE WEDNESDAY EXPERT

You only have to avoid this jerk after the race.  They will be the one who said you should have bet on that horse. Despite not investing anything themselves.

Jerks.

A CRAPPY WEBSITE TRYING TO BE CLEVER

In that spirit of course, and displaying complete hypocrisy, we will also pretend we know something about horse racing, as we present a few accompanying articles.

First of all we offer up our Select-O-Matic Melbourne Cup Random Horse Selector.

This is where you can take the guesswork out of the Melbourne Cup, and let our personality quiz select your horse for you.

The Gurgler Melbourne Cup Token Bet Select-O-Matic.

Then there’s our absurd attempt to pick the entire Melboutne Cup in order.

The Gurgler Melbourne Cup 2018 Super Mega Pie-Fecta

All of this proves we are worthy of participating in National Pretend to Know Something About Melbourne Cup Week.

Enjoy your Tuesday. The glorious half day off around the country.