Faster than a Max Verstappen, more potentially expendable than a Jack Doohan, with more swearing than the FIA would like, and harder to get out of than a Brazilian gravel trap, it’s the F1 Donkey with his unique view on F1 and more. Before each race The F1 Donkey puts the ass in sass and unloads his alternative, slightly unhinged thoughts on F1 including this week’s Bold 2025 Chinese Grand Prix Predictions and opinion.
The F1 Donkey’s Pre Chinese Grand Prix Thoughts
What a weekend the Australian Grand Prix was, it had everything you could ask for.
Well, except if you’re Australian, or a New Zealander. In fact the southern hemisphere had a pretty shitty Australian Grand Prix weekend. Although, you could argue that Gabriel Bortoleto had a pretty good weekend despite binning his car during the race. And I guess it was a good weekend too for Argentian Franco Colapinto. He’s rumoured to be taking Jack Doohan’s seat sometime this season and Doohan crashing early in the Australian Grand Prix was quite timely. And Flavio can be such a jerk, it’ll probably happen before they get back to Europe. At least that will save Jack Doohan some air fares.
But as big a jerk as Flavio can be, he’s not the Jerk of the Week from the Australian Grand Prix, that title goes to Red Bull adviser and general sh!tstirrer Helmut Marko. Emboldened perhaps by Racing Bulls actually fielding a Red Bull junior in the Racing Bull aka RB aka vCarb aka Toro Ross this season, Marko then decided to call Isack Hadjar’s tears after sliding into the wall on the formation lap “Embarrassing”. Lovely.
I mean it was pretty hopeless, but let’s not forget that he was a rookie, and he will be one that will entertain throughout 2025, be it via the team radio or sparkling performances on track. So Marko should have been a bit kinder, not just for Hadjar, but all the rookies he probably wants to come through the ranks at Racing Bulls.
And in the grand scale of driver stuff ups it wasn’t even that bad. Hadjar simply lost control trying to warm up his tyres in pouring rain. A definitive rookie error. A much more experienced, but worse driver, also failed to complete a Formation lap last season. Although that driver’s efforts seemed almost intentional it was so hopeless. Maybe it was on purpose. Only Lance Stroll will know.
But for old time’s sake, here it is one more time. Glorious.
Crowd chanting Drugovich’s name while Stroll beachs the car at Brazilian GP – YouTube
Talking of Aston Martin drivers, it wasn’t a great weekend for Spain either, with Carlos Sainz finding out that crashing a Williams in a Grand Prix is much less fun than having a Ferrari drive. And given Lewis Hamilton’s form during the race, Ferrari may well ask for a swap. Alonso binned it too.
Back to Helmut Marko, a penny for his thoughts on Liam Lawson’s debut. Lawson taking the poisoned chalice that is the second Red Bull car, and immediately performing to Sergio Perez’s level. Which isn’t a compliment. Maybe Red Bull will save some coin and just run one car. The last few seasons have proved it probably wouldn’t affect the points tally, much.
As least Kimi Antonelli drove well enough to fly the flag for rookies. In fact, it was one of the better debuts. Mercedes don’t look to stupid, yet.
Maybe the Rookies will pull their heads in for the Chinese Grand Prix. Or maybe their mix of enthusiasm, speed and amateur hour mistakes will make the Sprint Race interesting. The Sprint Race surely needs it.
Sprint Races are OK if it rains, but outside of that they are usually dull. With no driver wanting to ruin their car for the rest of the weekend for a smaller share of points. It’s dumb. The races are too long, there are too many of them, and should be dropped. They are a bigger waste of time than a PR team at Aston Martin.
F1 has Netflix, with their Drive to Survive documentary, so there’s no need to spice up the racing to get yanks involved in F1. Most will continue to ignore F1 because of it’s European heritage and opt for the left turning success of NASCAR. That’s all about turning left. It’s easy.
Although not for Isack Hadjar.
But what can you do with the Sprint Races? Except for firing them out of a cannon.
We say Sprint Races are ten laps long, and the last two cars are eliminating at the end of each lap. If there isn’t two cars already in the wall I guess.
Talking of walls, I’ve hit one with writing this, so will quickly move onto the bold predictions before I fall asleep.
The NRL Donkey’s Bold 2025 Chinese Grand Prix Predictions
And here they are, in a convenient team by team format, so you can ignore them all at your convenience or peril. Depending on the outcome of our prediction.
McLAREN
Lando pole. Lando win. Lando Championship. Maybe Oscar Piastri Sprint Win?
RED BULL
One driver to be significantly better than the other. Just checking, yes, it is 2025.
FERRARI
To confuse themselves on strategy at some time and cost themselves a podium.
MERCEDES
Another anonymous podium for George Russell, who may stealth his way to third in the Championship. Kimi Antonelli to get knocked out in Q1 again and charge through the pack again, but grab a Sprint Race podium.
WILLIAMS
Double Q3, double points.
RACING BULLS
Isack Hadjar to complete more than 500 metres of a Grand Prix. Yuki Tsunoda to qualify in Q3 and finish 10th. Another Tsunoda top six grid slot in Sprint.
ALPINE
Flavio threatens to sack Jack Doohan after Sprint Race. Doohan outqualifies Pierre Gasly.
ASTON MARTIN
Lance Stroll behave himself well in Melbourne on a difficult day. He’s due for something stupid.
HAAS
Last.
KICK SAUBER
More heroics from both The Hulk and The Bort. Sauber to manufacture more Bort license plates.
F1 2025 Season Stuff
We’ve worked hard getting ready for the 2025 F1 Season, and this is our best work below.
2025 AUSTRALIAN GRAND PRIX-VIEW
2025 F1 SEASON PREVIEW – DRIVERS
2025 F1 SEASON PREVIEW – TEAMS
2025 F1 SEASON – THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR AND AVOID
AI DOES F1 – TURNING CARS INTO ANIMALS
F1 2024 Season Stats
Want to remember what happened last season? Here’s a bunch of our best work to sum up the 2024 F1 Season.
F1 2024 FULL RACE REVIEWS ALL 24 RACES
