Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower than a Bunker decision, more volatile than the Dow Jones, and less efficient than DOGE would approve of, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 3 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 3 Weekly Rant
What a weekend Round 2 of the NRL was. Well apart from the opening game where my beloved Dolphins were awful. Some Dolphins fans singled out the halves as the main emperors of disappointment, but in reality the whole team stunk. But not Ray Stone. And even if he did this column would never suggest that. Ray Stone scares us. And most others.
But then came the upsets. A lot of people’s second side the Wahs beating a lot of people’s second most disliked side, Manly. Who is the most disliked, well that’s coming. But a hearty congrats to the Warriors. Warriors winning is good for rugby league. And the world. And with the events in politics and financial markets worldwide adding more gloom each week, doesn’t everyone deserve a little Warriors happiness? Perhaps not folk in the Trump administration, but then again they probably don’t know who the Warriors are. Maybe not until New Zealand becomes the 65th state of USA. After Canada, Greenland, Panama Canal, Easter Island, all McDonald’s restaurants, St Vincent and the Grenadines (which I think is the greatest name for an RSL cover band ever), Trinidad but not Tobago, Gibraltar, and others.
Back across the ditch to Penrith, I mean Parramatta, for rugby league’s second biggest ever upset as the $11 Roosters beat the $1.nothing Penrith Panthers. How can it happen one asks, but then you think about the canny business men in charge. Or supporters. Whilst not suggesting anything untoward, we would think that the wise and successful businessman that is Mark Bouris would have invested in his Roosters at $11. Potentially making more out of rugby league than the stock market. Which last week wouldn’t have been hard to beat the ASX for returns. Even going to Tomra for ten cents a can was a better investment. Even if it meant going through bins.
But then it makes you think whether there’s enough rugby league investment in the Australian Stock Market. Or indeed the German Dax. Let’s be truthful, is there a better match than rugby league investments being announced on the nightly news in connection with Germany’s Dax going down…..Rugby League is all about Dax going down. Just ask Joe Ofahenguae who dacked Zac Lomax on TV during the pre season. For all we know, he may have just been alerting fellow canny investors to invest in a unhedged high growth Parramatta Eels. Or maybe it was a Todd Carney unhinged option. But then a dacking live on TV for potential investors could be insider trading? Depends what’s written on the buttocks I guess.
Some blue sky thinking though. Why not let rugby league players list themselves on the stock market. Imagine Nicho Hynes could be one of those players up for investing, and like Pumpkins in The Simpsons you just have to sell him before the Origin period. Before. Only Homer Simpson would hold onto Nicho Hynes shares come June.
Of course there’d be some volatile investment options like the Reece Walsh Unbalanced option, which would require some real nerve and investment prowess to get right over a season. But like the man himself it might be more trouble than it’s worth.
I could insert a joke here about a stock market crash caused by Ezra Mam, but that would be in poor taste.
Then there’s the solid, steady investment of Mark Nicholls, who gives you lower returns than a Reece Walsh, but provides a steady income for the more conservative rugby league investor.
The Payne Hass investment would no doubt win at least three Canstar awards would be popular with all types of investors. Such solid returns, every week.
Unfortunately there is no Ray Stone investment option. We presume he hates the stock market. Or more truthful, are too afraid to ask. Ditto for Craig Bellamy. Although, I quickly wonder who would win a staring contest between those two.
Maybe with buying a house becoming more impossible than ever, the Federal Government could get involved and make rugby league player investing a reality. Imagine if the solution to that housing crisis was rugby league.
There’s an election coming, so here’s me suggesting to those wanting to be elected to add rugby league to their campaign workings and make the federal election interesting for the one last time of Election super-guru Antony Green’s ABC Election coverage. Imagine the Green supercomputer blowing up in smoke as rugby league destroys decades of polling booth preferences.
It would be great TV. Even better than Super Saturday. Eden Monaro, Milton Dick and rugby league together at last.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 3 Expert Tips
MELBOURNE v PENRITH
Melbourne have never lost a Thursday home game to anyone. At any ground. So this is a true test of a great stat. I’m too afraid to tip against such a good stat or against Craig Bellamy in general without having a substantial document justifying my position.
Melbourne by 6.
WAHS v ROOSTERS
Here’s to the feel-good Warriors factor continuing as they dismantle any team lots of people don’t like.
Warriors by 4
BRISBANE v NORTH QLD
It does seem harsh that Todd Payten, who took the Cowboys to the finals series last season is under the most pressure already. But that’s rugby league, and they’ll probably lose and he’ll get the arse this weekend.
Brisbane by 12
CRONULLA v SOUTH SYDNEY
Can Wayne Bennett engineer another win from the jaws of defeat? Probably.
Souths by 10
DOLPHINS v WESTS TIGERS
Dolphins need a win badly, but at least they are going back to their roots at Dolphin Oval, where they have a decent record. The last time the Tigers played at Redcliffe they lost 38-0 to then busted-arse Bulldogs. As a Dolphins fan I’ll be hoping for another serving of that. Although the Tigers thrashing of Parramatta is a worry for Dolphins fans.
Dolphins by 2
GOLD COAST v NEWCASTLE
You’d think that this is an easy Newcastle win, but then looking at the stats the Gold Coast have won seven straight at CBUS Stadium v Newcastle. Amazing. Their next best streak v all other NRL opposition is two wins. But it’s another one of those stats vs form decisions I got wrong last weekend when tipping a nose burning 1/8. Gold Coast beating the Bulldogs included. Since I’m out of the running in most tipping comps already, I may as well go with the Gold Coast.
Gold Coast by 8.
PARRAMATTA v BULLDOGS
This is the perfect Channel Nein game. Sunday afternoon. Traditional rivals. Both from Sydney. You can hear the historic echos of Rabs and Gus arguing about nothing. All you get these days is the echo from their studio commentary box. Or as far as I know, it’s not origin time, so I don’t have to watch them. And won’t.
Bulldogs by 20
MANLY v CANBERRA
Canberra have a perfect record this season against teams that wear maroon. That’s enough for me by this stage of the article.
Canberra by 6
READ MORE FROM ROUND 2 and 3:
2025 NRL Season Preview Stuff
We’ve done a lot of stuff ahead of the new NRL season, and here it all is.
READ MORE: THE GURGLER’S 2025 NRL SEASON SPECIALS
NRL DONKEY’S 2025 NRL SEASON PREVIEW
NRL 2025 SEASON LADDER PREDICTIONS
WOODEN SPOONERS 2025 NRL HEADLINES
WHY YOUR TEAM CAN’T WIN THE NRL 2025 PREMIERSHIP
