Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower than a Bunker decision, less predictable than Cyclone Alfred, and less efficient than DOGE would approve of, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 2 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 2 Proper Weekly Rant
Can I say first of all that cyclones can go and f— themselves. And almost as bad as the cyclones themselves was the relentless news coverage telling us how bad it was going to be, scaring us sh!tless in the meantime.
Thankfully the silver lining in between the live crosses was that the cyclone’s tardiness meant that we got to see the Dolphins game before the power went out and the trampoline blew over the fence. I hope whichever yard it landed in has kids or needs something to bounce on. Although watching the Dolphins lose to Wayne Bennett’s Rabbitohs, giving Wayne a large dose of smug. He’s earned it though, if any coach in NRL history has earned more smug I’ll presume they were a commentator on Fox League. Certainly Paul Langmack aka Supercoach hasn’t earned any smug from his stint as Souths coach.
But after going off course, much like Alfred himself, it’s time to go back to talking about the cyclone. And here’s a few thoughts….
1 – Even a cyclone didn’t want to visit Bribie Island.
2 – Moreton Island is the most superior island in South East Queensland, saving SEQ from a worse fate. According to our reports, it combined with Greg Norman to save the South East coast from a worse fate.
It’s all recorded in this Greg Norman Vs Cyclone Alfred.
3 – Max Futcher looks like NRL Referee Adam Gee. You know the good one.
4 – No one from Channel Seven looks like NRL referee Ashley Klein, as no one on a live cross was wearing a clown hat.
5 – Facebook weather pros are worse than TV news for hype, but aren’t worse than Channel Nein is for rugby league.
6 – Finally Paul Burt returns to our TV Screens.
Paul Burt could have told Channel Seven to go and stick it when they obviously got in touch for him to be their “Coastal Expert”, after dumped for 2025 news reports for whoever it was that replaced him. We don’t know or care, but know they would be worse in most ways.
But Paul Burt is a man of the people. A man of honour. As so the only thing Paul Burt could was roll up the sleeves and get out there on the Gold Coast to report on Cyclone Alfred for the people in their hour of need.
And of course as ever he did it with style and attitude, and expertise. More than the Coast. So much more. His crosses remind us of what we all have missed in 2025. I say 2025 has been all the poorer without his sunny disposition and knowledge,
So Channel Seven bosses, if you are reading this, but I’m honest enough with myself to say that only half of the Seven bosses probably will at best, then it is all too clear. We know you’ll claim to be too busy to read this small amount of text, we know you’ll probably complain and tell me to write less words because you are so busy. We say bring Paul Burt back permanently.
And not just for the next cyclone. Whenever that is. Given the rapidly declining gaps between Brisbane floods, probably sometime in May. Paul Burt needs to be back on TV with more shows. Maybe not 24 hours a day so we get sick of him, but more on the weekends, providing that reassurance that the beach is great, no rain, there’s plenty of Wrasse to be caught and no more cyclones.
Maybe Channel Seven could re-launch a weekend show like Ken Brown used to do. And the rumours that Channel Seven are going to launch a rugby league chat show to rival Channel Nein, and then steal the TV rights when they come available, is great news. You can’t tell me Paul Burt wouldn’t be as great for rugby league as he is for weather reporting.
Maybe even a cooking show. The options are endless. All it needs is a good 1/2 cup more of Paul Burt into any recipe. Something delicious then.
In honour of Paul Burt being Paul Burt, I’m tipping the Gold Coast Titans to beat the Bulldogs in Sydney.
The other tips are below.
The NRL Donkey’s 2025 NRL Round 2 Expert Tips
NEWCASTLE v DOLPHINS
People putting crap on the Dolphins players wanting to stay with family because of the cyclone are heartless, anti fans. And I’m sure it makes Ray Stone mad. Another thing that makes Ray Stone mad is losing. And I’m pretty sure he’ll hate to lose in Newcastle, again. I’ll even go out on a limb, and say he hates Newcastle the City, both in the UK and NSW. Ray Stone aside, after seeing these teams in action on Friday night in different games, one does wonder if there’s another cyclone around.
Dolphins by 2
WARRIORS v MANLY
Feels like so long ago I’d almost forgotten the Warriors were well beaten by Canberra in Las Vegas. The Warriors will be more at home in Auckland and away from the bright lights of Las Vegas. Talking of bright, it’s hard to know if Manly were really, really good or just really good and Cowboys sh!t in Round 1. DCE is some kind of rugby league specimen. Hard to like to a degree, but good.
Manly by 10
PENRITH v ROOSTERS
Roosters have lost a million in a row v Penrith, and were comprehensively pantsed last weekend. With better luck and weather conditions for the Broncos it could have been a loss of 80 points or more. But they should improve by 50% at least this week.
Penrith by 40
ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA v SOUTH SYDNEY
You have to wonder why the NRL scheduled this clash so close to the pre season showcase that is the Charity Shield. And weren’t the Bunnies charitable this season? Terrible. But unlike Fox League we know who the master NRL coach is heading into this game, and he arrives with a few kilos more of smug after his team beat his previous team. I wonder if Wayne deep down loves that every club he leaves goes downhill. Good for the reputation I guess. But then again, it may stop clubs hiring him if they know they suck after he leaves. Tough one. Especially for Wayne if he takes the PNG job and lets it go badly after he leaves. Can’t imagine there’s too much charity if Wayne Bennett does anything bad for rugby league in PNG.
Souths by 2
NORTH QUEENSLAND v CRONULLA
Cronulla’s trip to Las Vegas and a week off last weekend makes them more invisible than usual. After tipping the Cowboys to beat Manly last weekend I feel the need to disappear too. Stats weigh towards Cronulla, but they did towards Cowboys last weekend. Starting not to care.
Cronulla by 14
CANBERRA v BRISBANE
At least something good happened in Brisbane last weekend. Or that should be something good happened to Brisbane. Can they do it again? Short answer in nah. Long answer is not available.
Canberra by 6
PARRAMATTA v WESTS TIGERS
The Spoon Bowl teams from last season meet nice and early, and despite both teams losing in Round 1, the Eels looked the more likely to play in another. It was so bad their five eighth has signed for another club. At least Wests Tigers are able to sign players, not see their good ones leave. But the Tigers still can’t win. Maybe this week.
Wests Tigers by 2
BULLDOGS v GOLD COAST
After a cyclone, flooding of their training base, power cuts, and Tom Tate as Mayor, the Titans are leaving the Gold Coast as fast as a DCE. Tough game ahead as the Bulldogs looked good last weekend. But I have a good feeling about the Gold Coast this weekend. Not the City, the team.
Gold Coast by 6
READ MORE FROM ROUND 1 and 2:
NRL ROUND 1 LAS VEGAS ONE MINUTE MATCH REPORT
NRL ROUND 1 LAS VEGAS NRL DONKEY
2025 NRL Season Preview Stuff
We’ve done a lot of stuff ahead of the new NRL season, and here it all is.
READ MORE: THE GURGLER’S 2025 NRL SEASON SPECIALS
NRL DONKEY’S 2025 NRL SEASON PREVIEW
NRL 2025 SEASON LADDER PREDICTIONS
WOODEN SPOONERS 2025 NRL HEADLINES
WHY YOUR TEAM CAN’T WIN THE NRL 2025 PREMIERSHIP
