Faster than a speeding Ferrari, more expendable than a Perez or two, with less point than a pair of Saubers, and with more run off area than a Mexican track, it’s the F1 Donkey with a unique view on F1 and more. Before each race The F1 Donkey puts the ass in sass and unloads his alternative, slightly unhinged thoughts on F1 including this week’s 2024 Bold Brazilian Grand Prix Predictions and more.
The F1 Donkey’s Pre Brazilian Grand Prix Thoughts
So we head into the third prong of an F1 triple header, and unlike most families of three it will be hard for the middle child, in this case the Mexican Grand Prix, not be the most interesting or least forgotten, depending on which way you order such things.
The Mexican or Mexico City Grand Prix, depending on which way you order such things, seemed to be a race about come-uppence for Max Verstappen, after it was felt by everyone after Austin other than Red Bull staff (excluding Sergio Perez who unable to be found for comment or podium), Dutch fans and maybe at least two of the Spice Girls that Max Verstappen was treated favourably.
What we do know it that Sky F1 from the UK were certainly not on Max’s side. Especially with their Lando love-fest.
So with the outrage or uproar, depending on which way you order such things, you wonder if the Mexican City Grand Prix wasn’t a complete over-correction. Or perhaps the stewards applying rules as per the rule book. Or maybe Netflix demanded penalties to Max Verstappen to make the title fight more exciting, closer with more fight. It would make a change from them inventing fake intra-team rivalries, making Pierre Gasly interesting or Christian Horner worth following around.
But the penalties merely make the whole thing more complicated. Does a car have to be in front? Should they be in front be declining to brake properly for the corner? Can they overtake on the inside or outside if forced off the road? Can someone develop a lever that lifts their wheels like something from Inspector Gadget. Which by the way, the excellent F1 commentator Bernie Collins reminds me of Penny, and appears just as smart, and at least a third as biased as the rest of the team. I know and you know that Collins is 100 times better than Danica Patrick, but most things are. Including but limited to rocks, planks of wood, flotsam and jetsam, plus three types of mushroom and one type of potato.
Of course the Sebago potato is only slightly more interesting and relevant than Danica Patrick, but it is still ahead.
Commentating aside for now, what can we do about the rules/penalties for F1?
Balloons.
Balloons on side of car.
It’s so simple. There are eight balloons attached to the side of the car, and overtaking becomes a free for all. Inside, outside, over the top, in reverse, and not at all for Sergio Perez. Out.
And it’s all good until all your balloons are gone. Once all eight have burst, you serve a ten second stop and go. Then free to go to do whatever else.
Of course they won’t be everyday balloons bought from Silly Sollys, Temu or that dodgy corner shop down the road that stocks only ten things that you know is a front for something but you can’t quite work out what it is yet, but you know it’s probably drugs, or vaping. They will be balloons made of some kind of strong, but easily bursting material, and slotted aerodynamically into the side of the car as not to slow them down too much.
It’s the only fair, and most entertaining way of dealing with it. And to be fair, cars and drivers have become far too reliable.
Unlike back in the day when a driver could rarely go four races without something breaking, and usually spectacularly so, these days no cars break down unless extremely incompetent with mechanical or driving standards and to be honest it’s a bit boring. So anything that encourages more DNFs or race changing penalties or opens the F1 races up to more banging and/or barging, depending on which way you order such things, is right up our alley. Not Phil Alley. Nor Bruce Reid.
So just an idea to inflate the interest of racing. Although the way 2024 is going, who needs or wants more. Only the greedy.
Eat.
The NRL Donkey’s Bold 2024 Brazilian Grand Prix Predictions
And here they are, in a convenient team by team format, so you can ignore Kick/Stake/Sauber at your convenience. The F1 TV Cameras do.
RED BULL
Red Bull to spend this week developing enough AI to replace Sergio Perez with a robot mannequin. Which manages to make it to Q2 before disappointing.
McLAREN
A McLaren masterclass 1-2 in race and qualifying.
MERCEDES
A George Russell DNF special.
FERRARI
A shock Q1 exit for one of the Ferrari drivers.
ASTON MARTIN
Is it too late to order an intra team clash?
RB VISA CASH APP
Liam Lawson to piss off another driver. Probably Ocon.
ALPINE
Esteban Ocon to do nothing remarkable.
WILLIAMS
Double points.
HAAS
The Hulk to qualify fourth.
SAUBER
To make little to no difference.
F1 2024 Season Stats
And some proper stats to ensure this is more of an F1 article.
