Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower than a Bunker decision, unluckier than an NRL player roadside drug test, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Finals Week 2 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Finals Week 3 Weekly Rant
I often ask myself several questions a day, which is a bit sad as no one is usually around to answer, and I’m a donkey, like Mr Ed, except no one on my farm cares that I’m a talking animal, mainly because they are way too busy farming Sorghum, which I’m not sure what it does, it’s a bit like when that Nutri Grain cereal used to advertise their cereal was high in Niacin. What the bloody hell is Niacin, and why would I need it. Iron Men used to need it I suppose. And who doesn’t respect Guy Leech, and if you don’t I no longer respect you. If you were to say that Surf Lifesaving wasn’t the same since Darrell Eastlake stopped yelling at us to enjoy it, I’d agree. Big Daz could make stuff interesting that really wasn’t. Weight Lifting, Pulling Planes along a runway, anything. That man loved stuff like no one else. And was likeable, dare I say, loveable.
Which sort-of doesn’t lead me to my big NRL question heading into the second last week of the season. Is this the least likeable final four teams in modern history? And by modern history I mean the last ten years or so.
First thing going against them is they are all winners. No underdogs here, they have won every premiership since the Sharks won their only one. So no real underdogs here.
And the clubs themselves can be hard to like.
Two of the clubs have been or are highly suspected of cheating the salary cap. No one likes a cheat. Unless you’re on the inside with wads of cash heading to Sportsbet.
Penrith aren’t necessarily unlikeable, although having Jarome Luai will never help, but because they win everything other fans and neutrals get jealous and look for the nearest Ryobi power tool for the delicate operation of Tall Poppy chopping.
It’s also been argued in the past that Melbourne fans have the thinnest skins in the world, Roosters fans are the most arrogant, and Penrith win everything. So nothing for neutrals there either.
As for Cronulla, well, Scott Morrison was their number ticket holder for some time. Nuff said.
The only thing going for this Finals series is Nicho Hynes, but given the high stakes and Cronulla’s awful Finals record he will either fail to lead the Sharks to glory or will be blamed for not leading the Sharks to glory.
So perhaps like many Queensland rugby league fans it’s better to check in on the rugby league in between jumping on the AFL bandwagon.
You have to admire the AFL for their continued stance on having their Grand Final in a traditional timeslot and day.
It’s on at 2:30pm on the last Saturday in September. And broadcasters can put that in any size pipe and smoke it. Unlike the NRL who bend over for a Channel Nein paddling and ask if they can have another.
The only people that want Grand Finals at 8pm on a Sunday are likely to be employed by Channel Nein or News Ltd, work in the marketing department of some big company, or are an enterprising desperate Cougar waiting to pounce on unsuspecting rugby league young men, no matter none of them should be kept happy with a Sunday Night timeslot.
Or perhaps with the four teams that remain, who cares what time the Grand Final is, or what day, or which teams. Interest in only a Same Game Multi away.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Finals Week 3 Expert Tips
MELBOURNE v ROOSTERS
Roosters have an awful record against both Melbourne and Penrith, with one win in 21 games v those teams combined since 2020, so may as well get them out of the way now, which leaves Melbourne as a genuine threat to end Penrith’s dominance.
Melbourne by 10
PENRITH v CRONULLA
So much time was spent looking for a reason that Cronulla could beat Penrith this weekend and the only one was that a Shark would beat a Panther in a contest underwater. Given this game will be played above ground there’s no point tipping Cronulla.
Penrith by 8
