Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower than a Bunker decision, unluckier than an NRL player roadside drug test, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Finals Week 2 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Finals Week 2 Weekly Rant
So the first week of the NRL finals passes without too much controversy, a few decent games, and eye catching performers in the ones that weren’t close. It all probably means that it will still be Penrith v Melbourne, but that works. A true test of the greatest modern club in the NRL, each with their own system, super coach, and super player/s.
What wasn’t eye catching was the lack of Mad Monday controversy, with a real lack of poorly themed dress ups being paraded around and tut-tutted by morning news breakfast shows around the country. Except for SBS, because they don’t care about rugby league. Nor should they, they’re laughing when the Football World Cup comes around every four years and then no one cares about Bulldogs v Wests Tigers, it’s all about Uruguay and Sweden, or similar. Maybe not the Socceroos given their efforts in qualifying so far.
Maybe the NRL have grown up, too scared to do anything because of the scorn they’d get on Twitter (followed by brackets), and while some of it has crossed boundaries of good taste in the past, a lot of it has also been very funny. Albeit on the edge. Much like that Aerosmith song. No, not that one from the meteorite movie.
Which is why the NRL should get involved in a Mad Monday dress up contest, offering up five spots per team knocked out after the final round of the season. Televising it live from Bali, to save time, and travel for most of the NRL teams. And fans. And give it prime time viewing. What a refreshing change from the Old Man Yelling At Clouds aka NRL360 it would be.
Limiting the contest to five players would allow some kind of quality control, to stop any potential historical dictators, offensive cross dressing, and anything involving animals. As ever. You could even get Todd Carney on board. If he disapproves then it really is a no-go.
Winners would be determined by an online voting system, that could and will be heavily rigged. Or allow the bunker to judge the winner and let them f—k something else up for a change.
Another idea for a TV Spin off for rugby league is inspired by recent trouble for a high profile winger who plays for a Sydney club.
Given the success of the reality TV show RBT, and some rugby league players unluckiness in getting caught on the wrong side of the law, perhaps you could get a specialised TV crew to follow around NRL players on Friday and Saturday nights, working with local police and pulling over as many rugby league players as possible to do the RBT. For Drink Driving and Drugs both. At least voiceover Tim Gilbert will be able to do rugby league again.
Or another Channel Nein staple reality show would be an NRL or Battle of the Codes of The Block. You could foresee the drama now. Rugby League players spending too much money installing 12 toilets around the house for social reasons, AFL Players filling up their house full of mirrors to constantly check their hair and tattoos, rugby union players would pay a minion to do it for them. Soccer players would fall over and writhe around in pain every time they hit the hammer on the thumb, and even if they don’t hit their fingers with the hammer, and if they were A League players another issue would be that no one knows who they are. That sounds way too ambitious.
I guess you could also do a rugby league version of FBoy Island too. Or even better, a Battle of the Codes FBoy Island. It doesn’t even have to be an island either. Just a dark corner of a nightclub could be hired for two weeks. The opportunities are endless.
Unlike the opportunities for this week’s four remaining teams in Week 2 of the NRL Finals.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Finals Week 2 Expert Tips
CRONULLA v NORTH QUEENSLAND
Queenslanders (not We’re Queenslanders, that only refers to lame excuses for bad performances) (and not Queenslander!, that is reserved for Billy Moore to yell at people whenever, wherever he feels like it) will be jumping onboard the Cowboys bandwagon as quickly as they will chasing after the Brisbane Lions AFL train leaving the platform too. And why not, the Cowboys have to be among the most likeable NRL teams, or more so, the least hateable. And what a time to be jumping on any transport in Queensland with both parties promising to keep 50 cent Travel Fares after the upcoming election. It’s never been cheaper to slum it in Brisbane. Talking of nice, and least hateable, once again everyone is going to blame poor old Nicho Hynes, the nicest man in rugby league for Cronulla’s loss. There is something unlucky about Hynes when he dons light blue jerseys for big games, but it would be nice to see him have something go his way. Except I’ve got my ticket for the bandwagon/s, and it only cost fifty cents, so I can only half-heartedly wish him well awaiting the change of trains to head to Doboy.
Cowboys by 10
ROOSTERS v MANLY
Not a game for the neutrals. Most other fans will be hoping for a dour, bash fest that drains both sides and their chances for future 2024 finals success and they lose next week. That’s probably unfair, but in keeping with the overall tone of this weekly preview, admired by the many reader. Given since 2020 the Roosters and Sea Eagles have combined for four wins out 20 games against Melbourne, the next opponent, it’s probably all true.
Manly by 6
