Angrier than a room full of Fox League writers and NRL 360 hosts, slower than a Bunker decision, less popular than a Broncos coach, it’s time for the weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Round 27 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 27 Expert Tips and Weekly Rant
What a weekend of rugby league awaits, the last round of the regular season, and so much to play for across most games.
But especially the Spoon-Bowl clash between the Eels and Tigers, where the loser gets the wooden spoon. Shame it is on at 6pm on Friday, this game should be a standalone game so the winner can be showered with praise and the loser booed until throats are sore.
Yes, just like that.
So the NRL should have scheduled this game for a Monday 8pm kick off, because it demands a standalone day. And, given they’re both last, playing the game on Monday won’t affect their future plans, except if the players have booked their holidays to Bali for the Monday.
But the NRL did get lucky having last and second last meeting in the last round. Which gives me a thought for the future. Perhaps there should be a Spoon-Bowl every season. A final humiliation for the two worst sides of the season. But also, a last chance for the last placed team to avoid the wooden spoon.
So the plan would be that after the regular season is done, the two worst teams for the season are settled, and in a taster for the upcoming finals series they meet on the Wednesday night, winner/loser takes all.
Maybe it’s unfair that if there’s a substantial gap between second last and last that last should avoid receiving a wooden spoon. Maybe it’s unfair to have make players change their end of season or Mad Monday and beyond plans to play a seemingly meaningless game.
First of all, it usually isn’t a surprise when a team comes last or runs close to the bottom. To finish last you’re usually very unlucky or really sh!t. Mostly both. Either way, players of the worst teams should factor in that their team could possibly be among the two stinkiest teams of a season and prepare for the Wednesday night Spoon Bowl. In the case of the Tigers this season, they can plan months in advance.
And Bali can wait. Or Fiji. Or wherever a rugby league player can go for their off season. Just not the local pound. For obvious reasons.
So something to consider for next season, the Official SpoonBowl. If you agree, then write to your federal MP to get them to push it in parliament. We’d say write to your local newspaper, but if that’s Brisbane there’s only one, and it’s sh!t, and worse still they partially own the Broncos and given their performance last week would probably be too worried about looking silly if there was a chance of them coming last. Which on current form is a chance in 2025.
Talking of last, here are the expert tips for Round 27 and the last regular round of the season.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 27 Expert Tips
BRISBANE v MELBOURNE
Maybe Melbourne can rest all their players again. Their two feeder sides are based in SEQ. You get a vibe some Broncos would like to rest their coach. Either way, given the Broncos awful recent record v Melbourne and at Suncorp Stadium, and in general, and they have no Xavier Willison aka The Beast to carry them this week then victory seems hard to imagine.
Melbourne by 34
WESTS TIGERS v PARRAMATTA
Refer above, Spoon-Bowl awaits. Eat.
Wests Tigers by 4
SOUTH SYDNEY v ROOSTERS
South Sydney can truly sum up an awful season with a terrible performance against their main rival, setting a low bench mark for Wayne Bennett to come back to the club and save it after the post Wayne Bennett form departure tax.
Roosters by 20
DARGONS v CANBERRA
Canberra need to win this and hope for a draw between Newcastle and Dolphins. Same for the Dragons except I don’t like them. Rumours are the coach is going to tell them the game has ten minutes left when they run out for the first half. Rumours from Fox League writers and staff that Flanno is the greatest NRL coach ever.
Not Dragons by 2.
BULLDOGS v NORTH QUEENSLAND
The Bulldogs have now had the loss that some teams like to get out of the way before the finals and lost their 100% home record last weekend, so now they can prepare for the loss they probably don’t want against the Cowboys, a team that has a quietly good record away to top four teams this season. Although, the Bulldogs aren’t fourth.
Cowboys by 6
PANTHERS v GOLD COAST
In a weekend full of great clashes for important things or simmering rivalries it’s good to know there’s still one game I don’t have to care about.
Panthers by 28
MANLY v CRONULLA
There’s every chance these teams could meet in a couple of weeks in the finals. That is all.
Manly by 12
NEWCASTLE v DOLPHINS
It’s a tremendous piece of luck to have the most sudden death game of the season to round out the regular season. Neither side probably deserves to make the top eight, but assessing the game with one eye, I’ll say the Dolphins deserve it more.
Dolphins by 1
