The EPL Donkey is back for another week with a double decker bus of opinion, and this week’s Premier League Week 2 Tips.
Putting the ass in sass, the EPL Donkey offers his thoughts on the week that was or could be or will be, often with little to do with football, before launching into his Premier League Week 2 Tips for the punters and fans.
The EPL Donkey’s Weekly Rant
After a surprise-free first gameweek, it’s hard not to be distracted by the constant rumour mill of potential transfers, and more Chelsea signings.
Hard/easy to believe that Chelsea have signed Joao Felix for a second time, it’s exactly the kind of signing that they are good at. Expensive and not really needed. If they didn’t already own Lukaku he’d be just the kind of signing they’d do next.
But it’s easy to pick on Chelsea, so I will.
According to Transfermarkt they have spent over $1Bn since the start of 2022-23 season. Which is absurd. So I guess that makes their 2024-25 new season spend of “just” $241M reasonable. And Transfermarkt show that Chelsea’s squad is now 39 players deep.
This sums some of it up – found it on the social via Football Funnies, and it is indeed funny.
What is also absurd is that Brighton are third on the amount of money spent on transfers this summer according to Transfermarkt again, who have done some heavy lifting for this week’s rant. Worse still, of the $170M they have spent, they only recouped $34M leaving them with the worst net spend of all the Premier League clubs this summer.
And worse still, in what kind of non Football world could you keep signing players after the season starts. How hard is it to have all that sorted before a season starts. Delay the season a week and have it all sorted.
Imagine though, by delaying the cut off by a week for the Transfer Window, and aligning all the major leagues around Europe, including the market garden that is the Portugal league, we could have a big trade fair where all the players, agents, clubs and Sky Sports News reports could be in the one place at the one time.
Like one of those US politics conventions, with speeches, musicians, flags, banners and player after player being shopped around. We’d love Hulk Hogan to be there too
Of course Chelsea will need security to handle the line of agents looking to get their players another huge deal.
Man City owners will be in the corners with an abacus making sure they spend properly, or at least have enough sponsorship to cover. Although, when you have one of more Haaland’s who do you need.
An all-day Transfer Window Smorgasbord, where time is called for all Transfers at the end of the convention, until the next one in Winter. Except for Saudi Arabia, who will continue to offer insane money to players.
Pipe dreams for now, but who knows who reads this, probably no one. If they do, and are still around, our Week 2 Premier League tips are here.
The EPL Donkey’s Week 2 Premier League Tips
BRIGHTON v MAN UTD
Brighton to continue their bright start to the season with the manager that will probably be linked with Man Utd by October.
Brighton 2 Man Utd 0
CRYSTAL PALACE v WEST HAM
One for the neutrals and Fantasy Premier League owners. 24 goals have been scored in the last four games between these sides at Crystal Palace.
Crystal Palace 3 West Ham 3
FULHAM v LEICESTER
Leicester got the best result for promoted teams last weekend by ruining Spurs season earlier than usual. Jamie Vardy in fine form as per usual. Not idea who will win, so the default 1-1 has been deployed.
Fulham 1 Leicester 1
MAN CITY v IPSWICH
Ipswich did well for one half against top opposition last weekend in their Premier League return. Even if they play two good halves they’ll probably still lose this 4-0.
Man City 4 Ipswich 0
SOUTHAMPTON v NOTTINGHAM FOREST
Nottingham Forest have a surprisingly record at Southampton. Which makes this game almost interesting.
Southampton 1 Nottingham Forest 3
SPURS v EVERTON
Spurs should bounce back from first round disappointment. Everton look in trouble already. We did say in our Season predictions they’d finish last. Although that also picked Ipswich to finish 12rth, so what would we know.
Spurs 3 Everton 0
ASTON VILLA v ARSENAL
A match up at the top of the table and alphabet. A good early check for real deal credentials.
Aston Villa 0 Arsenal 2
BOURNEMOUTH v NEWCASTLE
Mostly draws and wins to Newcastle with this fixture recently. We’ll take one of each.
Bournemouth 1 Newcastle 1 or Bournemouth 0 Newcastle 3
WOLVES v CHELSEA
Chelsea have a terrible recent record v Wolves. Maybe they should hire some new players. Chelsea that is if you haven’t worked that out.
Wolves 1 Chelsea 0
LIVERPOOL v BRENTFORD
Brentford have lost eight in a row at Liverpool and last won there before World War II had started. And if Liverpool play two good halves this weekend 4-0 and more is capable.
Liverpool 4 Brentford 0
