The NRL Donkey has changed his Dolphins hat for an Oscar Piastri McLaren one but is ready to serve up the same kind of opinion and expertise that has been so welcome in the rugby league community. Before each race he will provide sass and predictions, including this week’s 2024 Belgian Grand Prix Bold Predictions plus an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of F1 and beyond for another week.
The F1 Donkey’s Pre Belgian Grand Prix Thoughts
F1 is going on a summer holiday, and while I normally wouldn’t want to associate with Cliff Richard in any form, it isn’t a bad line to get the first F1 Donkey rant ever underway.
While most teams will be looking to wind down for a month, one team is determined to make life harder for themselves over the break. Well, two teams actually. I talk about the two Red Bull teams in a family that is looking more Diff’rent Strokes post show than on screen. Although, Red Bull could really do with a Mr Drummond running the show rather than Mr I-Let-Netflix-Fame-Go-To-My-Head Horner. And if there’s some real honesty, I’m sure the Gary Coleman of the TV show time would do a better job than Sergio Perez. Defintiely not the current Gary Coleman, he died 14 years ago.
It’s easy to pick on Perez given his current form, so I will.
Look at these stats below, based on % from pole Perez is the second slowest driver from Round 7. OK, that includes a slightly unfair calculation after spinning in a wet Q1 at Silverstone, but maybe he shouldn’t have spun off. So it’s his fault, and he should eat the stats.
Needing to win the Belgian Grand Prix and go back in time to stay within the reported 100 point buffer to Max Verstappen at the summer break to keep his job, it’s safe to say without a Terminator 2 style apocalypse that Perez won’t bridge that gap. So will he be fired? That’s the saga that seems to be at the forefront heading into this weekend.
Much like Days of our Lives and/or Bold and the Beautiful it is pretty dull and the acting sucks, but this Red Bull soap opera has one simple solution.
Red Bull have four drivers excluding Max Verstappen who is unavailable playing video games. One of them (Sergio Perez) is going terrible, one (Daniel Ricciardo) is going slightly better and the other remaining current driver (Yuki Tsunoda) is going slightly better than him. Seems the only one that is not driving at all has the best reputation on the account he has been unable to tarnish his reputation. In fairness, Liam Lawson did an outstanding job last season when needed.
So the unknown should be preferred to the expected mid to upper mediocrity or lower in the case of Perez. That means Liam Lawson gets one of the seats post summer break.
But who goes you ask? Here’s my idea to provide certainty and entertainment.
Mr Netflix or Dr Marko, which sounds like a great comedy duo coming to a pub near you, will announce on Saturday morning that Liam Lawson will be driving for RB after the summer break, which leaves three drivers fighting for two seats.
So that is worked out as below….
The fastest qualifier for the Belgian Grand Prix gets the Red Bull seat.
The second fastest qualifier for the Belgian Grand Prix gets the other RB seat.
The slowest qualifier is fired.
Imagine how much extra investment fans will have in qualifying knowing that not only grid order is decided but so is future employment.
It’s entertainment on another level. And we’re sure Mr Netflix will tell his mates.
And for the rest of us, the drawn out, increasing tedious saga of the Red Bull drivers will be sorted once and for all and we can go back to enjoying Max Verstappen getting the sh!ts with not winning. And Lando Norris getting the sh!ts with not winning. And Oscar Piastri not giving a sh!t about winning. And Logan Sargeant…never mind.
The NRL Donkey’s 2024 Belgian Grand Prix Bold Predictions
And here they are, in a convenient team by team format, so you can ignore Kick/Stake/Sauber at your convenience.
RED BULL
Max Verstappen to give two fingers to Red Bull and continue to play video games until 2am this time. Take the engine penalty. And still win.
Sergio Perez will bin it in a wet qualifying. Again.
McLAREN
Lando Norris to qualify on pole and finish second and throw his second place hat in the bin.
Oscar Piastri appearing to be as happy with his fifth place as his win last weekend.
FERRARI
Charles Leclerc to lead the race early and crash out. Same for Sainz without the leading.
MERCEDES
Lewis Hamilton to almost win the race, but loses out in a late race duel with Max Verstappen who will blame him for whatever happens.
ASTON MARTIN
Fellow drivers giving Lance Stroll a wide berth at La Source hairpin to start the race to no avail.
RB / VISA CARD / VCRAB / RED BULL JNR
Daniel Ricciardo to continue to be the most spoken about 13th place getter of all time.
HAAS
Hulk to do something amazing in qualifying. Top one of either Q1 or Q2. Or Both.
WILLIAMS
Logan Sargeant to spin out.
ALPINE
Now that Ocon has signed for Haas he don’t care about team order no more. Expect a crash, if Pierre Gasly’s car lasts long enough.
KICK / STAKE / SAUBER / ALMOST AUDI (Not Aldi)
To briefly show up on the TV coverage for a few laps as they look for action down the midfield.
