It’s time for weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s angry man Buzz equivalent known only as the NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Round 20 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 20 Expert Tips and Weekly Rant
Not wanting to stuff around this week, the Round 20 expert tips are out before the result of State of Origin Three known. But given this is an expert tips section allow me to quickly predict what will happen in advance.
- It will be cold, so beer stays colder, so Qld fans will drink more, so atmosphere will be fever-pitch, any bus going within 100 metres of Caxton Street will be rocked. Except the Great Circle Line, none of you better touch those buses…..
- The pre-game part will be drawn out and sh!t, with way too many musical montages and ads for crap on Stan.
- The pre game entertainment will suck.
- You’ll be over the Westpac ad before kick off. Although the Gus Gould bit telling them to shut up will still be funny every time.
- Reece Walsh will do something punchable or nothing at all and be shown up by bench player Kalyn Ponga.
- Qld will win 30-16 and Andrew Johns will sulk like a baby for the next 11 months.
- And Michael Maguire will not risk a second facial expression.
Now that’s over and done with, this is one rugby league website for NRL is going to focus on the actual NRL, unlike the NRL who are currently in Channel Nein belly-rubbing mode which will conclude at the end of this weekend when all the players are back or when The Block returns. Whichever come first.
Talking of The Block, there is not enough rugby league involved in The Block. What about a Battle of the Codes like on Sale of the Century back in the day. Might I say there’s not enough Pete Smith speaking either. Although with rugby league players on site you’d have to have some pretty stringent safety rules. And ban all worksite dogs. You also couldn’t have The Block featuring rugby league players in any of the $67M suburbs they have the show in these days. Too dangerous for the local inhabitants. Wondering if somewhere like Forbes or Yeppoon could be a better, more rugby league friendly location. Where’s Yeppoon you ask? Well, next to your knife and fork. Boom, tish, here all week.
But leaving The Block, and the contestants talking about grout for the rest of this week, and onto this weekend, and the only thing colder than the weather is a few of the teams chances of making the finals. Interesting that the three most recent losers to Penrith in the Grand Final are now busted arse and looking no hope of making the September showdowns. So I guess the silver lining to Penrith winning every year is if they play the team you hate in the Grand Final this year and win, that team you hate will be sh!t the following year. Anyone up for a Roosters – Panthers final then?
One does wonder with all the wind around in Brisbane that NSW may inject Matt Burton solely for his kicking. Like the NFL. Which the NRL has tried to become for years. Is Michael Maguire that kind of visionary? After watching that Tiger Town fly on the wall documentary I’d say no. Those sports documentaries are hit and miss for the teams involved. It’s worked out well for Wrexham but not Sunderland. Equally the Drive to Survive F1 doco has worked out well for nearly everyone, with the Netflix series the sole reason Daniel Ricciardo is still on the grid and anyone knows Christian Horner as something other than Mr Ginger Spice. We prefer someone with a name like Helmut Marko for the record. While still on sports TV shows, I’d like a series to follow around Greg Norman. I tried to do a very low budget version a few years with just a single camera and a smile but the courts intervened. But when Greg teases like he does it’s hard to help yourself.
Back to someone else who can drive a ball, Matt Burton’s bombs may need clearance from the Brisbane Airport before Origin Three, or at a minimum, the kicks will be annoying enough for the local residents to complain about the air traffic. But it won’t happen. Queensland will have a Dane Gagai inspired evening, turning back the clock to win the Wally Lewis Medal again from the wing, and only playing one game. Or they might just give it to Billy Slater again. Anything’s possible. Except for enjoying Channel Nein’s coverage of the game. Oh, back to Origin again, sorry, it’s a habit this time of year. Onto the weekly tips.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 20 Expert Tips
CANBERRA v WAHS
You know it’s Origin time when……
- There’s a stupid f—ing Westpac ad.
- The term Origin bolter is in every second rugby league story.
- You hear form Billy Moore again. But not Danny Moore. And of course never Dudley Moore. Although I’d certainly like to hear more from former Bullet NBL star Andre Moore. But less from golfing compeditor Ossie Moore.
- And…..the Warriors are on Channel Nein.
Given the surge in Warriors popularity and their general appeal and well-wishing to neutrals that Channel Nein would have more Warriors games. But Channel Nein won’t be told to do what people want. Like standalone Origin, more Warriors games, and bringing back Supermarket Sweep, that crazy game show where people filled their shopping trolleys with as much stuff as they could in a minute. Given the Cost of Living crisis it is unbelievable that no one has brought that back.
Back to the game and Canberra aren’t travelling well, which will lead a small minority to complain about Ricky Stuart, who will dismiss their concerns with a laser like stare and hopefully a few sweet karate moves.
But if there’s any team that can hack a cold, miserable place to play it’s the Warriors.
Warriors by 8
SOUTHS SYDNEY v WESTS TIGERS
Losses for both teams last weekend makes this game almost pointless. Which with eight rounds to go is a pretty good effort. At least the Rabbitohs looked OK, while the Wests Tigers audacity to win multiple games in a row was punished by a team that were previously busted arse.
At least it’s in Gosford, which makes it a little more worthwhile, so as ever look for those giant sauce bottles. We’re hoping the exploding sauce out of the top for try celebrations idea we suggested four weeks ago has been implemented. If not it’s an opportunity missed.
Talking of missed, this is a mini match watch if ever I’ve seen one. At best.
Rabbitohs by 4
NEWCASTLE v BRONCOS
You know things are going bad when even Channel Nein don’t want the Broncos. Fox League plastering over their channel that they have the Broncos exclusively for five straight weeks. Well I guess it is nice to have some Qld Cup on. That’s a bit harsh. Certainly towards the Man Mountain that is Xavier “The Beast” Willison who was the Broncos best again, and as per usual.
Fact, whilst Xavier Willison was on the field Brisbane won the game 22-8. What other conclusion can you draw. No wonder he looked injured when on the field, he’s been carrying the side.
The Broncos are certainly missing Adam Reynolds. Probably by the same people who blamed him for the Grand Final loss. Broncos look more likely to lose the title of Brisbane’s best club rather than making any Grand Final right now. An award they would have struggled to lose in the pre-Dolphins era.
Newcastle were equally hopeless last weekend, and looking at the final scores you’d have to say even more hopeless. But I guess less was expected.
Flip a coin.
Brisbane by 2.
MELBOURNE v ROOSTERS
Game of the round, and of course not on Channel Nein., who couldn’t find enough charity to have the Warriors and the best game on paper for Round 20. Sure they do the TV times at the start of the season, but in very few scenarios is Manly v Gold Coast better than this game. Nein’s loss is Fox League snob’s gain.
If you read The Gurgler’s much more boring and stat filled Round 20 Preview you will see that this match is overstocked on great stats making picking a winner harder than finding somewhere to hide if the Storm conceded three tries in a row this weekend. One wonders if Craig Bellamy and the HR department at the Storm are close.
This could be a Grand Final preview, which would be a shame as neither side is that likeable. Although I do know Melbourne fans can be quite thin skinned, so if you think that the Storm making the Grand Final is a great thing for rugby league, I invite you to email our Gurgler inbox and describe why in 35 words or less. The tie breaker is we’re thinking about a winger who played under Wayne Bennett.
Melbourne by 2
PENRITH v DOLPHINS
Talking of Grand Final previews, who’s up for a Dolphins-Panthers Grand Final. Wayne Bennett would. The statues of the Bee Gees certainly would be. Ray Stone wouldn’t, as everything makes him angry. But most of the rugby league community would probably get behind it.
Dolphins have been accused of having any easy draw where they hardly left Queensland, and while I won’t tell Ray Stone you said that, some of it is true. But the Dolphins also have the best record v Sydney teams this season and did beat the Sharks in Cronulla a few weeks ago. And Penrith have lost at home recently to the North Queensland Cowboys. An omen? It’s certainly not ironic. Like most of that awful Alanis Morrisette song.
Neither would a Dolphins win be ironic.
Dolphins by 6
MANLY v GOLD COAST
There’s plenty of reasons to like this game, and Des Hasler is one of the reasons.
Other reasons include David Fifita giving Queensland Origin selectors one more finger if they lose on Wednesday.
Tommy Turbo is getting back towards his best.
Remember former player Colin Best? I guess he could be easily described as Best and Less.
And the song Eagle Rock is pretty cool. As long as people keep their pants on.
So for all those reasons and more we are tipping an upset.
Gold Coast by 6
NORTH QLD v BULLDOGS
Ah, the Cowboys. NRL’s most impossible team to tip.
They are at home, against a side who have won just one of their last million away games.
So defying logic, as is needed with North Qld, an away win it is.
Bulldogs by 1, again.
