It’s time for weekly Rugby League rant of The Gurgler’s angry man Buzz equivalent known only as the NRL Donkey, who provides his NRL Round 17 Expert Tips as well as offers an alternative, slightly unhinged view full of sass of the world of rugby league and beyond for another week.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 17 Expert Tips and Weekly Rant
So Round 16 of the NRL last weekend saw the bottom team Gold Coast Titans, who hadn’t won a Saturday game at home for a million years, and who were the minority cheer squad at their own home ground, thrash a team who finished in the top four just the season before. Crazy, but did you notice the scoreline….66-6. Three sixes eh? Now I’m not saying that Beelzebub was involved, but it was certainly convenient as the only 66-6 win to any team in the post 1998 NRL history is a team where there’s a nightclub called Sin City in the town. Probably frequented by the players themselves or their groupies, and the occasional shifty person. But then again I am wondering what the Devil has put aside for me. For me. For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Head banging guitar solo aside, is it also convenient that this crazy scoreline and result came in the same week as the Opposition leader Peter Dutton unveiled his team’s plans for Nuclear energy. We may have to get used to it too as the newspapers keep telling us that everyone hates Albo, despite pledges to fix Leichhardt Oval. Maybe out of spite Leichhardt Oval will also be added to the future Nuclear Power sites by Dutton and co. Which wouldn’t be nice and would really annoy the Greens.
Maybe before Sunday the Wests Tigers would have offered up Campbelltown for a nuclear power station, given the Tigers woeful record at their home ground, but after breaking their Campbelltown hoodoo, and their Canberra Raiders hoodoo, and their Sunday hoodoo in one afternoon with a most magnificent victory, we’d say they will pass now. As they should. Campbelltown doesn’t sound as fun to say as Tarong anyway.
Continuing on the power debate, this writer has said it many times before, in Letters to the Editor of many Quest Community newspapers and in a song as part of a failed bid to represent Georgia at the Eurovision song contest in 2021, that Rugby League itself could solve the Australian energy crisis.
Imagine installing a turbine inside the Melbourne Storm coaching box every week. It would provide instant power for up to 1.5 million hard-working Australians for a week on just one Melbourne Storm loss. Instead of H Bombs we call it the F-Bomb power. The side effect would be millions tuning into the NRL to watch the Storm games every weekend to see if they’re going to get cheaper power this week.
We could probably add Ricky Stuart into the mix by replacing some of the microphones at his press conferences with Wind Turbines. Throw in the hydro power from a Wayne Bennett death stare and somehow harnessing the negative energy at the NRL Bunker into clean energy and you have gone a long way to solving the energy crisis and getting Australia even closer to emission targets. So right now, I am calling for a high-level Think Tank featuring two representatives from each NRL club, at least four former NRL referees including Mogsheen Jagwat, plus a dozen of the best from the CSIRO, and for good measure we’d like to hear the thoughts of the ever-electric Warwick Capper too.
Talking of Warwick Capper, the former Gold Coast mayoral candidate brings us nicely back to the Gold Coast itself, where we hoped you have enjoyed your flight and take in all the wonderful things the Gold Coast has to offer. If Ripley’s Believe It Or Not was still around, and I’m not saying it isn’t, I just can’t be bothered googling it, the Titans 66-6 win would and should be played there on a continuous loop until the end of the season. By which time they’ve probably sacked another coach. Maybe they will install Mayor Tom Tate. Or another former Mayoral candidate. It’s the Gold Coast, anything can happen.
The NRL Donkey’s NRL Round 17 Expert Tips
BULLDOGS v CRONULLA
Looks like State of Origin period has stuffed two teams that wear light blue jerseys, as Cronulla have lost three of their last four as their late season choke arrives a few months early. I hope rugby league’s nicest man Nicho Hynes won’t be blamed for everything. Meanwhile Bulldogs are top four contenders and unbeaten at home this season.
Bulldogs by 10
WARRIORS v BRISBANE
So how will the Warriors react to being beaten 66-6 by the Gold Coast. Without star halfback Shaun Johnson. Although he played last weekend and that didn’t work out. Meanwhile the Broncos have one of the most expensive reserves list in NRL history with Reece Walsh, Payne Haas and Patrick Carrigan all named outside the top 17. All I know is none of them better stop “The Beast” aka Xavier Willison making a deserved rare start.
Warriors by 12
NEWCASTLE v PARRAMATTA
Parramatta dropped to last despite picking up an easy two points for the bye last weekend. It’s Choose Your Own Adventure for Parramatta’s stats coming into this game. The Eels have won six in a row v Newcastle but have lost all six away games this season. Does history beat current, or do Parramatta just suck so who cares. Newcastle field their 30th different spine for the 2024 season with UK import making his debut at five eighth.
Newcastle by 2
MELBOURNE v CANBERRA
Canberra have a really, really good record in Melbourne v the Storm in recent seasons, winning the last four games there on a Saturday. The problem is they were really, really bad against the Tigers last weekend. Local glaziers are on stand by and The Seismology Research Centre (SRC) have put on extra staff to cope with demands if the Storm make it five losses. In fact given the combination of rugby league’s angriest coaches, if the NRL Bunker has a really bad day we might have to warn Western Australia to watch out for earthquakes too.
Melbourne by 6
DRAGONS v DOLPHINS
With South Sydney having the bye this weekend supercoach Wayne Bennett only needs to prepare one game this weekend. Coincidentally against another side Bennett has coached. Could he coach three teams at once, for sure. Meanwhile the Dragons inconsistency is down to either too much or not enough. Dolphins fans will be hoping the same Dargons team that got pantsed 38-blot earlier in the season is the one who shows up.
Dolphins by 8
PENRITH v NORTH QLD
Not sure why this game has zero appeal. But it does. Penrith grind out low scoring victory. Move on.
Penrith by 6
ROOSTERS v TIGERS
Like last weekend there’s a bunch of stats against the Tigers winning this weekend – Roosters have won the last seven games v Wests Tigers and 17 of the last 18 + Roosters have won nine in a row on a Sunday v Tigers too + It’s also 11 home games in a row v Tigers. With the combined margin of the last three being 146-24 + Wests Tigers have won one of their last 14 away games + none of their last nine on a Sunday. And again only a complete loon would tip them to win.
Wests Tigers by 2
READ MORE: MORE NRL ROUND 17 TIPS AND STATS PREVIEW
