The Wooden Spooners return with the unique take on sport. Be it celebrating the forgotten, supplying headlines for sport that won’t make the paper, and providing fresh new ideas to improve their favourite sport. Like this edition where they come up with a bunch of ideas to stop Max Verstappen win every remaining race of the 2023 F1 season.
No one wants to see someone winning everything in any sport, especially the recently acquired US F1 fans via Drive to Survive. So The Wooden Spooners suggestions may seem a little cruel, but they are all for the greater good. And they may not stop Verstappen or Red Bull, but may as least spice up the remaining races.
So read on for the full selection of….
Ways To Stop Max Verstappen Winning Everything
THE PLANK
Given the excitement of the post US Grand Prix disqualifications of Lewis Hamilton and Charles Leclerc for too much wear on a plank of wood underneath their car, that gave us an idea.
What about installing a large plank of wood under the Red Bull of Max Verstappen to so him down. Make it fair, ensure that the wood or material used will shave off easily enough, so by half distance it isn’t too much of an inconvenience.
BAN MAX VERSTAPPEN FROM QUALIFYING
Max Verstappen has been so dominant this season, that it sort of doesn’t matter which grid slot he takes up, he usually wins.
So why not ban him from qualifying all together, making him start at the back of the grid for the remaining grands prix.
But that does seem a little unfair. So instead of completely banning Verstappen from qualifying, how about he gets a one lap shot at pole after all three sessions have been finished. If he’s good enough to still take pole, then good luck to him.
MAX’S PITSTOP STRATEGY AND TYRE CHOICE DECIDED BY SOCIAL MEDIA
Part of the dominance of Red Bull in 2023 has been their masterful strategies where other teams flounder. Not the fish.
So let’s use the power of social media to plan Verstappen’s strategy.
Of course this could lead to major sabotaging by those keyboard warriors on social media who don’t like Max Verstappen, but that’s part of the fun.
Fans choose pre-race the numbers of stops in a multiple choice question from one to five stops. Then two laps before each stop the socials are opened up again to choose the tyre compound.
Who knows, Max is so good, he will still probably win, but think of the interactive adventure for the fans, getting them involved rather than having them turn off due to the Red Bull winning streak.
MAKE MAX VERSTAPPEN START A LAP DOWN
Since Max Verstappen makes super quick progress through the field from lower grid slots, let’s see him put to a real test.
For the remaining Grands Prix of 2023, Max Verstappen starts each race a lap behind everyone else.
If he starts from pole it will actually be exciting to see him drive off into the distance, knowing he can’t cruise and collect the prize.
HAVE EVERY RACE IN SINGAPORE
Max Verstappen is yet to win in Singapore. So why not have the remaining races of the year there.
GET A RICH (SAUDI) BENEFACTOR TO OFFER UP $50 MILLION TO THE RACE WINNER For EACH RACE UNTIL THE END OF THE SEASON
The Saudi Arabian sports investment team have been throwing money around sport for the past couple of years, so why not hurl a little more at Formula 1.
We get the people involved with LIV Golf, Newcastle football club, and other sporting endeavour to lob a cool $50M on the table for every race until the end of the season.
Whilst this won’t sort the Max Verstappen winning everything problem, it would be fun to see the greed.
Greed is good.
SWAP LANCE STROLL AND MAX VERSTAPPEN
In the ultimate test of man vs car we swap Lance Stroll and Max Verstappen. Can Max Verstappen win in a car that is manned by the increasingly underwhelming Lance Stroll.
And on the other hand, can an average F1 driver do well in one of the best F1 cars ever produced.
Actually, wait a minute, we get to test that one every weekend with Sergio Perez.
RAFFLE CAR SEATS ON THE FRIDAY
Taking it a step further, how about raffling off the seats before Friday practice?
Very few teams will agree, except maybe Haas who might get a Verstappen to pilot their wagon.
But think of the TV drama playing out as the drivers are matched with their temporary new home.
GIVE MAX VERSTAPPEN AN F2 RED BULL
Since Red Bull sponsor about six different Formula 2 drivers, why not make Max Verstappen drive one of the F2 cars against his F1 buddies.
What the F2 lacks in power, aero, performance and most other things compared to an F1 car, Max will make up in muscle and talent.
SOME QUICK HITS
MAX VERSTAPPEN TO HAVE A MANDATORY TEN SECOND PENALTY AT ALL PIT STOPS
MAX VERSTAPPEN MUST RUN ALL THREE TYRE COMPOUNDS
MAX VERSTAPPEN IS GIVEN 75% FUEL OF THE OTHER DRIVERS OR DIESEL
PUT MAX VERSTAPPEN IN AN ALPHA TAURI FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON, ALLOW RED BULL TO HAVE FOUR CARS AND LET’S HAVE A FOUR WAY SHOOT OUT FOR PEREZ’S SEAT FOR 2024.
