It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners continue to cast their eye over the biggest weekend of rugby league this season with the 2023 NRL Round 9 Results & Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the 2023 NRL Round 9 Results & Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can, and exlcusive stories you won’t hear anywhere else.
All reports are unconfirmed and most are completely made up, but we’ll let you decide which ones are. Any issues please contact our Legal team, and for any coaching vacancies or Luke Brooks keyboard bashing please contact the Fox League team.
2023 NRL ROUND 9 RESULTS
| Thu | Cronulla | 44 | North Queensland | 6 |
| Fri | Parramatta | 43 | Newcastle | 12 |
| Fri | Brisbane | 6 | South Sydney | 32 |
| Sat | Canberra | 31 | Dolphins | 30 |
| Sat | Manly Warringah | 10 | Gold Coast | 26 |
| Sat | Penrith | 8 | Wests Tigers | 12 |
| Sun | Warriors | 0 | Roosters | 14 |
| Sun | St George Illawarra | 16 | Bulldogs | 18 |
2023 NRL ROUND 9 RESULTS HEADLINES
FOX LEAGUE LOOKING AT MASS REDUNDANCIES IF WESTS TIGERS WIN ANOTHER GAME
Fox League writers, a band of anonymous rugby league assassins, are in danger of needing to look for new work after the Wests Tigers beat Penrith in Round 9.
Now the inside joke here is that the Wests Tigers are unfairly bashed by the”Fox League Writers”, so with the Tigers improving each week, culminating in victory on Saturday that this group of people will have to be fired as they will have nothing left to do.
Although an industry insider assures us that homes will be found somewhere else in News Corp, like doing those TV shows catch ups on news.com.au for people that have already seen the episode, or providing some right-wing fodder on Sky News’ Outsiders news show, or simply are moved on to bash another club. Probably the Dragons.
WAYNE BENNETT HATES GOLDEN POINT STILL
Wayne Bennett sings an Elvis Medley at a club function (year unknown)
Wayne Bennett has always disliked Golden Point, and now he can dislike it more with a new club.
In other news, Dolphins firebrand Ray Stone also hates Golden Point. And losing.
MAYBE ADAM REYNOLDS WAS ANGRY ON FRIDAY NIGHT BECAUSE THE CLUB THAT REFUSED HIM AN EXTRA YEAR ON HIS CONTRACT JUST HIRED AN OLDER PLAYER TO A LONG TERM CONTRACT ON GOOD MONEY DESPITE BEING BIT OF A TURD
Adam Reynolds looked a little angry on Friday night against his former club, and well he might.
Reynolds left his boyhood club after his contract extension stalled over an extra year he wanted but the club didn’t. The club claimed age and injury record as concerns. So he headed to Brisbane who gave him the contract he deserved.
Fair enough, he may well have thought, when his place was taken by Lachlan Ilias who was a long term prospect and a lot younger.
But then they sign Jack Wighton. Adam Reynolds was too old at 31 when negotiating his contract extension. Jack Wighton will be 31 when his Souths contract starts.
And Wighton doesn’t have a position either. Does he unseat Cody Walker? Unlikely? Fullback? Na, his good mate and occasional sparring partner Latrell Mitchell has that covered. He’s currently not going better than the game’s hottest centre Campbell Graham. Nor would it seem sane to move Lachlan Ilias on after pissing off Adam Reynolds by making him the future.
So it seems a luxury to bring in Wighton to play any old position or have as a back up. And the comparison to Reynolds’ situation is inevitable. Some will point out that the Reynolds contract situation also involved the halfback’s injury record, which given his age was a real concern. But looking at Jack Wighton’s off field history, one could argue that a move to the big smoke of Sydney won’t see him sitting on the sidelines for a stint here and there.
NICHO HYNES – THE GREATEST MAN IN RUGBY LEAGUE – MAKES THE SHARKS LIKEABLE AGAIN
Not only is the Sharks halfback Nicho Hynes one of the better players running around in the NRL, as his 2022 Dally M Medal proves, but he is also one of the best human beings.
News after the Sharks-Cowboys game on Thursday which played in memory of Paul Green, was that the first winner of the Paul Green Medal for player of the match gave it back to the Green family.
Conveniently the Wooden Spooners bi-annual NRL Club Popularity Ratings was run on May 1, which is a tradition.
It showed that the Sharks have climbed from a low of 15th just before the 2022 Federal Election to 2nd in this poll. Behind the newly formed Dolphins, based largely on the number of Phins Up headwear they gave away.
Some effort to remove the stench of former Prime Minister Scomo’s beaming jerk-smirk which was seen at most games.
The Broncos dropped back to 17th because they have started winning again.
CRAIG BELLAMY ANGRY ABOUT HAVING NOTHING TO BE ANGRY ABOUT
Craig Bellamy always looks angry in the coaches box, so it was no surprise that the Wooden Spooners learned from a source in Craig Bellamy’s street in Melbourne, that he looked equally grumpy art home this week thanks to the bye.
With having ordinary rugby league to yell at, he started taking on the mower which didn’t start first time, those stinking palm trees around the pool and some local bees.
Reports that his family locked their dog away from him are unconfirmed and likely not true as we are unable to verify if they even have a dog.
2023 NRL ROUND 9 SHORT, SHARP HEADLINES
DOLPHINS RIGHT OF PASSAGE INTO NRL ALMOST COMPLETE AS THEY LOSE A GOLDEN POINT GAME AND NRL ADMIT BLUNDER THAT COST THEM A CHANCE OF WINNING AGAINST CANBERRA
MOAN OF PLEASURE AUDIBLE IN ENTIRE SUBURBAN BLOCK SURROUNDING PAUL K_NT’s HOME ON A SATURDAY NIGHT
SMUG TIPSTER SOAKS UP MOANS OF COMPETITORS AFTER BEING THE ONLY PERSON TO CORRECTLY TIP TITANS TO BEAT MANLY
SO KYLE FLANAGAN IS TO BLAME AFTER ALL
RAY STONE HATES BEING TAKEN OFF FOR A HIA
WOODEN SPOONERS UNFAIR QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Q. Are the Penrith Panthers finished after losing to Wests Tigers.
A. Not yet.
SOCIALS OF THE WEEK
Our NLR Social of the Week is from a Simpsons Related NRL Memes Facebook Page which is a must for those who love NRL, Simpsons and a laugh.
