Following on from the successful start to NRL life by the Dolphins, the NRL of course turned their minds and wallets to adding more to the current pie with more NRL Expansion teams, this time bumping that up to 20 teams.
But which teams should be those new franchises? Another team from Queensland to add to the Dolphins-Broncos hype? New Zealand? Perth? Adelaide? Some even exotic than Adelaide?
As ever the Wooden Spooners team have an NRL exclusive, this time they managed to distract the security at the Rooty Hill RSL long enough to sneak into their fanciest conference room for the NRL Expansion Teams Forum.
All the prospective teams who wanted their chance were at the NRL Expansion Teams Forum, most represented by their official mascot or a very important person attached to the bid, and all tried to make their case. The Wooden Spooners have the exclusive details below.
First up was a man dressed as a pirate representing the Western Australian bid who took to the stage to blaring music which sounded like some kind of Pirate Shanty fused with hip hop, a lot of rrrrrrrrrrr’s from the crowd and a cardboard Pirate ship.
The man, who only wanted to be known as Pirate Pete opened up with wanting to putting the RRRRRRRRRRR into NRL, which went down well as an opening joke. From there Pete made a lot of sense about timezones, new markets and sponsorship. With every valid point being Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’d by supporters. The only sour note was struck when Pete added a line about walking his plank, which pretty much brought the mood down. Although this was still enthusiastically Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’d.
So the case for the Perth Pirates was done, next came a South East Queensland hopeful, with a person dressed in army uniform with a giant foam jet on their head. Better music too, with Danger Zone from Top Gun blaring.
Although the speech was muffled because of the giant foam Jet on their head, the Brisbane/Ipswich Bombers/Jets also brought up some good points. Pointing to the already healthy rivalry between the Dolphins and Broncos, pointing out that Ipswich people hate the Brisbane people even more. So there would be four blockbusters year at Lang Park. And that SEQ could clearly support more teams. And eventually they’d have a boutique stadium in Ipswich thanks to the Olympics. Although, not sure when it would be built, or if the locals would steal it before hand.
Next came the North Sydney Bears representative, which brought the day’s biggest cheers from the neutral fans in the room. The North Sydney Bear mascot themselves was presenting, and came prepared with a full PowerPoint shows, filled with the club’s history and nostalgia. The sight of North Sydney Oval in all it’s glory from back in the day, and those Citibank era jersey with Mark Soden and Jason Martin wearing them had the crowd starting up a Simpsons Monorail all-in song begin.
The crowd eventually came to their senses and put the Bears mascot back on the ground and stopped singing.
It was going to be a hard act to follow the North Sydney Bear, but luckily the next presents couldn’t be anymore different.
Representing the exciting Pasikifka bid was PNG Hunters 2017 Grand Final hero Willie Minoga.
While other speakers had music and PowerPoint, Willie Minoga simply folded his arms and stared at the audience with the same menacing glare that made him one of PNG’s cult heroes. Occasionally he pointed to the pre-prepared maps with each country circled, but for three minutes it was mainly Willie Minoga staring at the people. The crowd didn’t know whether to clap, cheer or run away. There was no Q & A.
Next up was the Adelaide Ram, who looked a lot like the Rams Home Loans Ram, so it did appear as if they were badly prepared for the pitch. No one could understand why Adelaide would want an NRL team or a State of Origin, so they were ignored by most.
There was one final pitch to come. We’re not sure if they saved the best until last, but they needed to hurry up as the Dinner Special was about to kick off in one of the bistros in the Rooty Hill RSL.
It was certainly interesting, as it was the Brisbane Firehawk mascot themselves taking to the stage.
Straight away you could hear the murmurs in the crowd….”What the F— is that thing?”
The question being asked was because no one had seen a Firehawk before, and to be fair it is a strange looking bird.
The Firehawk was about 15 seconds into their speech before being interrupted by a punter in the crowd. “What the bloody hell are you?”. This led to a huge eye roll (unseen to public) as he had already explained this many times before.
They explained it best in a previous exclusive interview from The Gurgler’s Wooden Spoon team that you can read here.
The question was also raised why Brisbane needed a second team that was only ten minutes drive away, and had no home ground.
There was a few seconds silence before another hand was raised which was a relief to the Firehawk.
“So, really, what the f— is a Firehawk? Isn’t that the Netball team’s name?” At which point the Firehawk stormed off stage.
Which left the NRL Expansion Teams Forum ending on a sour note, and still no knowledge about what a Firehawk is. But the fans know have a little more knowledge at who should be one of the next NRL teams.
