In shocking news, the Melbourne Storm have accepted a merger with the Gold Coast Titans, effective immediately.
With the AFL resuming this weekend, the 1-2 Storm realised their chance to capture the hearts and mind of Victorians had vanished for another year. The Titans and Storm staff held a secret meeting soon after the Titans’ win over Melbourne, keen to push the merger through as soon as possible.
“We have a very small window before that other code begins, and we blew it!” said a Storm employee who wished to remain anonymous. “Queensland embraced us during the pandemic, so it makes sense to base ourselves here full-time. We always thought we’d marry up with the Broncos, but they’re actually good now.”
While the rebranded Gold Coast Storm created a headache for schedulers (bringing the number of teams back to 16), that was soon solved: teams who were drawn to play the Melbourne Storm for the rest of 2023 will now have a bye, starting with the Wests Tigers in Round 4. The Gold Coast Storm will adopt the Titans’ 2023 draw, with their first game against North Queensland in Townsville.
Craig Bellamy will be the head coach of GCS, with current Titans coach Justin Holbrook his assistant. The current Titans and Storm QLD Cup feeder sides will remain.
In a consolation prize for Melbourne-based Storm fans (and Melbourne footy fans in general), every side – including GCS – will move one home game to AAMI Park from Round 5. The Canberra Raiders offered to play all their away games at their second favourite ground, but that was rejected as being excessive.
Staff Writers for the Wooden Spooners was going to take to the streets of Melbourne to get the public’s reaction, but they were swamped by a huge crowd heading to whatever AFL game was on next and decided not to bother.
