It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have returned for the new NRL season to cast their eye over the first weekend of rugby league that was with the 2023 NRL Round 2 Results & Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the 2023 NRL Round 2 Results & Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can, and exclusive stories you won’t hear anywhere else.
All reports are unconfirmed and most are completely made up, but we’ll let you decide which ones are. Any issues please contact our Legal team, and for any coaching vacancies or Luke Brooks keyboard bashing please contact the Fox League team.
2023 NRL ROUND 2 RESULTS
| Thu | Penrith | 16 | South Sydney | 10 |
| Fri | Parramatta | 26 | Cronulla | 30 |
| Fri | Brisbane | 28 | North Queensland | 16 |
| Sat | Roosters | 20 | Warriors | 12 |
| Sat | Dolphins | 20 | Canberra | 14 |
| Sat | Melbourne | 12 | Bulldogs | 26 |
| Sun | Wests Tigers | 12 | Newcastle | 14 |
| Sun | St George Illawarra | 32 | Gold Coast | 18 |
2023 NRL ROUND 2 RESULTS HEADLINES
HOME WIN FOR REDCLIFFE-BASED DOLPHINS AT REDCLIFFE BASED KAYO STADIUM IS GREATEST THING TO HAPPEN ON THE PENINSULA SINCE THE BEE GEES STATUES
The Dolphins have taken the NRL by Storm by winning both of their opening NRL fixtures, and briefly sat on top of the ladder against nearly all expectations.
According to a group of Redcliffe locals outside the Kayo Stadium gates on Saturday, it is the greatest thing to happen on the peninsular ever.
One in particular was pretty chatty, high on the excitement of the win, and buzzing from the two Rum & Coke cans he had smuggled out of the ground.
“Yes, the Bee Gees statues are great, and put Redcliffe on the map, so is the Hornibrook bridges and but nothing tops having your own rugby league team in the NRL kicking arse.”
When we pointed out that Dolphins had put Redcliffe on the map despite not having the name Redcliffe in the title, our friends turned a little dark.
“Bloody bullshit that is. Everyone calls them Redclfife, so we gonna call them Redcliffe.”
FANS CALL FOR LIFETIME BAN ON PAUL K-NT AFTER HE SAYS RACIST 15 YO FAN SHOULDN’T GET LIFE BAN
Paul K-nt is a bit of a stain on rugby league. Sitting a few times a week at his 360 degree table ranting on about all the bad things n rugby league. Like most of the Fox League writers, we wonder if they like rugby league at all.
So it comes as no surprise that he was alone in declaring the 15 year old accused of racism at the Penrith v Souths game on Thursday night shouldn’t get a life ban.
This is from the man who said the Pacific nations departures ahead of the best ever Rugby League World Cup were the worst thing ever. And somehow he found enough compassionate for this kid, in between his perceived hatred of Jarome Luai and others.
We could go on, but best to leave him where he lies and hope one day he gets a lifetime NRL ban.
PARRAMATTA FAN RELIVED AS PARRAMATTA DISAPPOINT EARLIER THAN USUAL
After getting so close to a drought breaking premiership last season, one Parramatta fan is actually glad his team is now 0-2.
Geoff remarked at our post-game Fan Zone at CommBank Stadium “Last Year’s Grand Final still hurts, so I’m actually glad they are rolling that pain up into the disappointing start to this season.”
When we pointed out that their next three games are away to Manly, followed by Roosters then Penrith, he look even more downtrodden.
“Sh!t, that could be 0-5 to start the season. At least tell me we play the Wests Tigers soon after that?”
When we confirmed that match happens in Round 6, it put a little pep in his step as he headed for the station.
STORM HALFTIME BREAK MEASURES ON THE RICHTER SCALE
Melbourne Storm continued a recent poor run at home on a Saturday night to Sydney teams (obscure fact yes but true), losing to the unfancied Bulldogs quite convincingly in the end.
As one could expect with Australian Sport’s angriest coach, that didn’t go down well.
The dressing room sprays at half time and full time were so brutal they measured on the Richter Scale at the local Melbourne Office.
Doug Aholl from the Victorian Head Office of Science and Stuff for the Federal Government confirmed exclusively with the Wooden Spooners that there was movement in inner Melbourne close to the level of an earthquake aftershock on Saturday night, localised around the AAMI Stadium location.
Of course it was an exclusive for the Wooden Spooners, because it was a rugby league story in Melbourne and no other press cared.
FOX LEAGUE CONSIDERING NEW RUGBY LEAGUE SITCOMS TO SIT ALONGSIDE MATTY JOHNS, FLETCH AND HINDY HEAVY PROGRAMMING
One of the talking points after the Knights brave and hard fought win over the Wests Tigers on Sunday afternoon was the post game footage of security intervening between former Tigers now Knight Jackson Hastings and current Tiger Tommy Talau and former Knight now Tigers David Klemmer.
This comes on the back of former UK team mate now Tiger (well eventually) John Bateman rumoured to really dislike Jackson Hastings from their time together in the Super League.
So, seems everyone hates Jackson, hence Fox League are going to turn it into a six part sitcom pilot for later in the season.
They are rumoured to wanting Tyson Gamble to co-star as the biggest turd in rugby league, to open up for a potential spin-off series.
The Wooden Spooners told our TV insider that we remain unconvinced it will actually happen, who then told us, “Don’t worry, Fletch and Hindy will be involved for sure”. Which of course increased the chances of it happening.
SO, REECE WALSH IS GOOD AFTER ALL
Reece Walsh attracts a lot of attention, and recently less so for football than other category.
So it was a mild srurprise to the Wooden Spooners that he starred for the Broncos on Friday night.
You know it was Friday night, because it was the Broncos.
WOODEN SPOONERS UNFAIR QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Q: Are the Knights better without Kalyn Ponga
A: Yes
SOCIALS OF THE WEEK
Our NRL Social of the Week is from a Simpsons Related NRL Memes Facebook Page like it always is these days which is a must for those who love NRL, Simpsons and a laugh.
