It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have returned for the new NRL season to cast their eye over the first weekend of rugby league that was with the 2023 NRL Round 1 Results & Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the 2023 NRL Round 1 Results & Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can, and exlcusive stories you won’t hear anywhere else.
All reports are unconfirmed and most are completely made up, but we’ll let you decide which ones are. Any issues please contact L. Hutz and/or our Legal team, and for any coaching vacancies please contact the Fox League team.
2023 NRL ROUND 1 RESULTS
| Thu | Parramatta | 12 | Melbourne | 16 |
| Fri | Warriors | 20 | Newcastle | 12 |
| Fri | Penrith | 12 | Brisbane | 13 |
| Sat | Manly Warringah | 31 | Bulldogs | 6 |
| Sat | North Queensland | 19 | Canberra | 18 |
| Sat | Cronulla | 18 | South Sydney | 27 |
| Sun | Dolphins | 28 | Roosters | 18 |
| Sun | Wests Tigers | 10 | Gold Coast | 22 |
2023 NRL ROUND 1 RESULTS HEADLINES
NO SURPRISES AT ROUND ONE HIA CHAOS AS NRL UNVEILS ITS TEAM OF MEDICAL EXPERTS
The biggest point of Round One, outside of how great are the Dolphins, was the amount of HIA calls that were being made by an independent doctor from deep inside the dark, dark surrounds of the NRL Bunker.
Whilst players, NRL “legends” aka anyone on Fox League if you ask them, and coaches have all had their sprays and says. But the Wooden Spooners as ever has the scoop, and it will probably make the above list of people even more unhappy.
Having looked found the medical ad equivalent of Flim Springfield, the NRL have hired a rag-tag bunch of medical experts including Dr Nik Riveira, Dr Colussus, Dr Phil and Someone portraying a doctor by putting eyes on their arse and hanging a stethoscope. Needless to say it explains the wildly differing verdict coming from the NRL Bunker. Which, well, shouldn’t be a surprise from that area.
Reports they also looked to hire Dr Oz are well off the mark, as our NRL insider claim the NRL are not that dumb.
NRL COVERING POTENTIAL RUGBY UNION DEFECTIONS BY ENCOURAGING FIELD GOALS
Round One brought quite a number of field goals, with a few games even decided by them.
We have since learned that the NRL is so shit-scared of Eddie Jones taking over the Wallabies that they instructed teams in the off season to implement more rugby union type plays. Like field goals, unnecessary kicking of the ball, penalties given with people not sure about why, and RM Williams shoes with jeans and collars up.
Our NRL Salary Cap insider claims that rugby’s lure has lost its sheen, as players can simply go to the Roosters to get 2000’s rugby money and not leave the sport.
TIM TSZYU SEEN WITH ALMOST AS MANY NRL JERSEYS ON THAN THE WARRIORS
Australian Boxing Headliner Tim Tszyu, is not only in the running for child that most looks like their father, but also biggest bandwagoner.
The Wooden Spooners were happy to see him in the Red and Green of the Rabbitohs, as it is always good to have someone who punches people for a living in your corner, but then we found the below article.
He still has some to go to beat the Warriors season record, but who would doubt hisdrive to beat them.
Talking of beating, we tried to approach Tszyu after the Sharks-Rabbitohs game to see if he wanted to wear an exclusive Gurgler dapper hat, and he asked “Do you want some of this?” pointing to his fists.
After politely declining, we went straight to scoop out the Nutella in our pant.
IT’S BROOKS HUNTING SEASON AGAIN AS THE TIGERS STINK IT UP IN ROUND ONE
It was meant to be a new era at the Tigers, well, when we say new we mean old with the band getting back together. And like most bands, people don’t want to hear from “from the new album”, they want the good stuff from back in the day.
Sadly the Tigers served up some new album stuff on Sunday, but did play a few of the classics. Like benching their star recruit (potentially as punishment for his drunken post GF antics) and Luke Brooks carrying the can for a loss.
The Wooden Spooners are still not sure why the Newcastle swap didn’t feature Brooks, perhaps it is a ploy by the coaching team to have him hanging around so he takes the blame for everything instead of them.
Fox League writers are salivating at the prospect of a slow start from the Tigers.
BAD WEEKEND FOR PANTHERS TEAMS AS BOTH PENRITH AND THE BULLDOGS LOSE or BULLDOGS ONE MORE LOSS AWAY FROM GUS GOULD TAKING OVER AS HEAD COACH
Sometimes there’s always room for a cheap, nasty shot. Take your pick.
WOODEN SPOONERS UNFAIR QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Q: Who should we blame for Newcastle. Kalyn Ponga or Adam O’Brien?
A: Adam O’Brien until they sack him.
SOCIALS OF THE WEEK
Our NRL Social of the Week is from a Simpsons Related NRL Memes Facebook Page like it always is these days which is a must for those who love NRL, Simpsons and a laugh.
