A new NRL Season is almost here, with many websites and journalists doing their bold predictions for the 2023 NRL season, who is going to look after the most obvious? That’s where Captain Hindsight’s Obvious 2023 NRL Season Predictions comes in.
Normally the sensible know-it-all obviousness of Captain Hindsight is here to give you a wheelbarrow full of I-Told-You-So after each major Sporting Event, heading up the Australian branch of the Monday’s Experts International Club.
But The Gurgler is going for something different, to get Captain Hindsight to give the obvious NRL predictions in advance, before he would tell you that they were going to happen after the event.
Captain Hindsight’s Obvious 2023 NRL Season Predictions
PHIL “BUZZ” ROTHFIELD WILL BE NUMBER ONE SH!T STIRRING KNOW-IT-ALL JERK ALL SEASON
Phil Rothfield seems to hate rugby league. Perhaps it is like Michael Corleone in Godfather III where all he’s trying to do is get out of NRL, but they keep dragging him back. Or maybe he genuinely loves being one of rugby league’s biggest turds.
Either way, this is Captain Hindsight’s first obvious NRL prediction for 2023, as “Buzz” has spent much of the off season, sh!t stirring, putting up “whispers”, or being rugby league’s version of the cover of New Idea.
Captain Hindsight Non Bold Prediction: Buzz to Negatively Report on Gus Gould and Bulldogs in 2023.
PAUL KENT WILL BE A CLOSE SECOND
Where there’s Buzz, there’s also Paul Kent. Both know the game and are unpleasant. Where Phil Rothfield gives off a grumpy next door “Keep Off My Grass” neighbour vibe, Paul Kent gives of the Smuggest of Smugger pricks vibe.
Although, this swarm and smug does make NRL 360 as watchable as ever. Well, once they removed Ben “White Noise” Ikin.
But Kent is biased and clearly has agenda with certain clubs and people, much like most of the News Ltd organisation, and Captain Hindsight can’t see anything changing this year, or ever.
Captain Hindsight Non Bold Prediction: Kent to hammer Jarome Luai for most of 2023.
WAYNE BENNETT WILL BE GRUMPY
Wayne Bennett’s challenge at the Dolphins aka Redcliffe, looks a tough one.
Their 2023 squad is devoid of a big name superstar, yet packed with well-meaning, but ultimately run-of-the-mill trundlers, and no name rookies.
Captain Hindsight Non Bold Prediction: Wayne Bennett to snap at reporters when they lose.
VICTORIANS WILL STILL CALL THE NRL “RUGBY”
No matter how much the Melbourne Storm succeed in 2023, the state in which they are located will continue to call the 13 man game rugby.
Whilst this is a minor insult given that the name “rugby” is usually associated with the painful-to-watch 15 man game, the NRL and Storm continue to ignore it.
Captain Hindsight Non Bold Prediction: A boost in interest in “Rugby” in Victoria if Melbourne make the Grand Final.
MANY PEOPLE WILL HATE THE CHANNEL NEIN COVERAGE
For most rugby league fans, they only have to slum it down to the depths of Channel Nein four times a year, and for most that is five times too many.
But what can you do? Not watch Origin? Wait for the Fox League delay?
Or simply watch it and cane them on social media. And enjoy The Block promos.
Captain Hindsight Non Bold Prediction: A biased, blokey coverage of all three State of Origins, with the occasional cross-promote.
TODD PAYTEN WILL NOT EMPLOY A SECOND FACIAL EXPRESSION
The Cowboys surprised many with their 2023 performances, making the finals after a horror 2021. Not that you could tell from Todd Payten’s face, which always looked stern, with a hint of Casino Security Officer about him.
Can the Cowboys maintain that finals momentum, or will that intense stare from ayten turn into an intense grimace?
Captain Hindsight Non Bold Prediction: Many intense stares from the Cowboys boss in 2023.
NORTH SYDNEY BEARS WILL BE LINKED TO MANY LOCATIONS TO BECOME 18TH NRL TEAM
People love the Bears, which makes you wonder how they were eliminated from rugby league in the first place.
Oh that’s right, a stupid merge between clubs who hated each other, and being screwed over by the Governing body.
Well, the NRL has the chance to put that right by re-admitting the Bears back into the NRL.
And until that happens, Captain Hindsight can see weekly articles from “Fox League Writers” with new locations for where the Bears could set up a base and become the 18th team. In between the “Fox League Writers” bashing the Wests Tigers or similar.
Captain Hindsight Non Bold Prediction: Multiple clubs linked with a move to Perth.
MANY BIG NAME PLAYERS WILL CONTINUE TO DIAL-A-DOLPHIN
One major thing heading into the 2023 NRL Season in the arrival of the NRL Dolphins into the competition.
Now recruitment hasn’t gone too well for the Redcliffe based side, with many a superstar not willing to do the hard yards and join the fledgling NRL club.
But that hasn’t stopped some of the biggest off-contract stars getting in touch with Redcliffe, and leading them on to various degrees and depths.
And they all get the deal they want elsewhere.
Captain Hindsight can;t see that changing anytime soon, especially if the Dolphins have a slow start to 2023.
Captain Hindsight Non Bold Prediction: Out-of-favour Broncos players using the Dial-A-Dolphin service in 2023. The good ones will get better deals at Broncos, and the underperforming ones will be hired by Dolphins.
READ MORE – The Dial-A-Dolphin Hotline
A FORMER NRL PLAYER WITH LESS THAN TEN GAMES WHO HASN’T PLAYED IN OVER A DECADE WILL BE ARRESTED ON A MINOR CHARGE YET REPORTED IN MAINSTREAM MEDIA AS “FORMER NRL STAR”
There’s nothing like playing a handful of games in a sport to be termed a star if you make the news for non-playing reasons.
But Captain Hindsight can easily see this happening in 2023.
First of all, seeing a rugby league player being arrested on a minor charge, is a piece of hindsight brilliance that only Captain Hindsight can offer.
Secondly, it will be obvious that the person’s link to rugby league will be blown out of proportion like it usually is.
Captain Hindsight Non Bold Prediction: Wikipedia to gain some more clicks when the “NRL Star” is named.
A GRAINY PICTURE OF A RUGBY LEAGUE PLAYER DOING SOMETHING STUPID IN A TOILET WILL EMERGE
Almost a certainty that a rugby league player will do soemthing stupid in 2023. It’s not a matter of if or when it is how many and how soon.
But Captain Hindsight can see it now, grainy surveillance footage on the news of an NRL player exiting a toilet, with or without a friend, sending the mainstream media into overdrive.
Captain Hindsight Non Bold Prediction: Toilet footage to be blown out of proportion for a good week. And discussed on NRL 360 with outrage and scorn towards the players, unless he is a Sharks player, coached by Ricky Stuart or being managed by one of the hosts.
