A veteran weatherman has sensationally quit his nightly news job.
Peter Fafara – the weatherman for 10 years at Channel 14 Nightly News – was full of hope for the new year after a relaxing Christmas break. But that hope was quickly shattered.
“I barely got set back up before the producer pulled me in and gave me the bad news.”
Peter was going to be demoted to the 4pm bulletin and the weekly news, effective immediately.
“I haven’t watched any news over my break, so apparently they’ve been using a bunch of uni kids to fill my spot. The d***head producer said the ratings have been so good that they’re going to continue with the kids on the main bulletin,” said a frustrated Peter.
“I met some of them – the guys look like Chris Hemsworth and the girls are all pretty and blonde or brunette. It’s not the kids’ fault they won the gene lottery, but the exploitation of the good looks is pathetic! They’re all perfectly nice, but none of them will be studying Meteorology and forgoing a decade-long career in commercial news like I’ve done. They’ll just be the pretty face until they’re dumped for the next batch of pretty faces. I put up with all the tired Brick Tamland jokes when Anchorman came out, but this is a step too far.”
Quitting his job immediately, Peter went away with his wife Emma and their daughter Sarah to stew for a few days.
“The girls are as pissed off as I am, but once we calmed down we were able to brainstorm my future. We actually sat down and did a fancy-pants vision board, it was a nice bonding exercise.”
Peter rebounded quickly: he has an interview for a teaching job at the local uni and is getting into social media.
“Em made a few calls and hooked me up with the uni job, and Sarah helped me set up ‘The PeterCasts’ on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and YouTube. I came up with the name. I think it’s pretty snappy.”
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of The Betoota Advocate. We swear.
