A new NRL season awaits, and like any new season we look into our crystal ball and offer up some Bold NRL Predictions for 2023.
The Gurgler likes to throw their predictions at any old sport and we especially like rugby league so if it’s good enough for most respectable sporting news outlets and News Ltd, it’s good enough for us.
So prepare yourself for some quick time travel and take a quick look into the future with our Bold NRL Predictions for 2023.
Bold 2023 NRL Predictions
PENRITH PANTHERS WON’T WIN THE NRL TITLE, FOX LEAGUE AND PAUL KENT WILL BLAME JAROME LUAI, ROOSTERS WILL WIN AND RE-SIGN ALL THEIR STARS AND SIGN NEW ONES
Penrith have been the NRL’s dominant club for the past few years, and have won two titles in a row with a third grand final appearance before that.
But for some reason our 2023 crystal ball can’t see a hat trick of titles for the Panthers, instead it is full of feathers.
That’s right, the Bold Sporting Predictions for 2023 sees the Roosters being top of the roost this year. The beauty of it for the Roosters is that they will somehow not only keep all their players, but will sign at least two stars from other clubs and fit it all under their salary cap.
As for Penrith, the rot will start kicking in around Origin time, where injuries will start hurting them, leaving “Fox League Writers” and Paul Kent to hammer Jarome Luai mercilessly for the last three months of the season.
DALLY M PLAYER OF THE YEAR MATT BURTON WILL LEAD BULLDOGS INTO THE TOP FOUR BEFORE “SHARKING” IT OUT OF THE FINALS
The Bulldogs are on an upward trajectory for sure, and our bold predictions is that they will replicate the Sharks in 2023 in more ways than one.
And they start the new season with a new coach, one who has been waiting for the right opportunity rather than taking any old job (like Craig Fitzgibbon did in 2022). And you could argue that the Bulldogs have a slightly better squad than the Sharks took into 2022.
On field, we can see the Bulldogs sneaking into the top four like the Sharks. We can see Matt Burton leading the Bulldogs and winning the Dally M best player award like Nicho Hynes did in 2022. And we can see the Bulldogs “sharking it” out of the finals with two straight losses.
But given the previous few season, that will be massive progress. Just like the Sharks in 2022.
REDCLIFFE WON’T FINISH LAST, WILL SIT IN THE TOP EIGHT FOR A FEW WEEKS AND WON’T BE THE WORST QLD SIDE BY THE END OF THE SEASON
A lot of people are writing off Redcliffe, sorry the Dolphins in 2023, and there is some justification to see why they would.
New teams in Australian sport do struggle in general, and critics have pointed to some underwhelming recruitment, especially the lack of a big name.
But while the Wayne Bennett name may not have made enough difference off the field with recruitment, he is still a master of coaching and man-managing sides. Not to forget his last NRL season ended in a grand final appearance.
The Dolphins have a good mix of experience, youth, bolters and fringe players looking to prove themselves, and we predict it will be good enough to lie inside the top eight for a few weeks in the early part of the season.
But squad depth is a worry, and given they don’t have 30 players yet, it will only take a few key injuries and a few Origin nods to upset the balance and send them sliding down the ladder. Once the Dolphins get into the wider squad and players like Herman Ese’ese and Jamyane Isaako are starting games, then they will struggle. No offence to the players of course.
Not to dead last though, and our other bold prediction for the Dolphins is that they will finish above the Gold Coast, and probably the Dragons.
NRL’S MAGIC ROUND WILL BE BETTER THAN EVER AND BETTER THAN THE AFL’S NEW GATHER ROUND
The NRL used to follow the AFL, but these days are starting to become a bit more of a trend setter. The Magic Round being one of those improvements. Although, they did steal it from UK Rugby League.
2023 will see the AFL’s version, and on paper it looks a poor cousin. The NRL have all of theirs at one ground over three days, while the AFL’s goes for four and is spread over three ground, mostly at Adelaide Oval.
Plus the AFL’s name of Gather Round is the final tick for the NRL, whose Magic Round is a much better name.
SIX CURRENT COACHES WON’T BE IN CHARGE COME 2024. ANTHONY GRIFFIN WON’T MAKE IT PAST EASTER
NRL coaches are becoming an endangered species more and more with each passing season, and 2023 will be no different.
First of all we predict that Anthony Griffin will be first to go, and may not even make it to Easter. It will end a pretty unhappy setup, but at least it may see a few youngsters given more of a go.
Justin Holbrook will be next on the chopping block, dismissed around the time of State of Origin Two, as the Titans reel from being in the bottom four and have also moved David Fifita on, and the Kieran Foran experiment ends up more Parramatta-like than Manly.
Others to go by the end of 2023 will be Adam O’Brien as he will be unable to unlock the mystery that is Kalyn Ponga in Newcastle, Wayne Bennett (who will move aside for Kristian Woolf at the end of 2023 ahead of schedule), ditto Tim Sheens, and finally Kevin Walters as the Broncos expectations on field catch up with him when they miss the eight again.
In other coaching predictions, Anthony Seibold won’t fix their problems, Ricky Stuart will get angry at many things but keep his job, and Cameron Ciraldo will be Coach of the Year.
AT LEAST EIGHT BIG NAME PLAYERS WILL BE LINKED TO REDCLIFFE DOLPHINS AND/OR SEEN TALKING WITH WAYNE BENNETT THEN USE THE DIAL-A-DOLPHIN SERVICE TO GET THEMSELVES A BETTER DEAL WITH ANOTHER CLUB
With the extra money found for the Salary Cap, the deal making with NRL players is going to be a busy activity for players and clubs. Many will be looking for the deal to set them up for life.
And we envisage a lot of big name players somehow managing to find their way to Redcliffe, or Wayne Bennett to find his way to a coffee shop near them, or in fact the News Ltd papers making up either of those situations.
Either way, the players will enjoy being linked to the Dolphins, as it will add a few 100K to the deal they want with the club they actually want to play for. We call it the Dial-A-Dolphin hotline.
The end result is that the Dolphins long wait for a marquee players will go on in the 2023 post season.
READ: DIAL-A-DOLPHIN RECRUITMENT HOTLINE
KALYN PONGA WILL SWITCH BETWEEN FIVE EIGHTH AND FULLBACK AND PLAY FOUR GOOD GAMES THIS SEASON. AT LEAST TWO OF THEM WILL BE FOR NEWCASTLE
Talking of players using the Dial-A-Dolphin service, casual-toilet-enthusiast, Stae of Origin game three hero, and Newcastle Knights top earner Kalyn Ponga has an important season following his re-signing to the club.
But our bold predictions sees the hot and cold form continuing, and this may be because the Knights will move him between fullback and five-eighth, or maybe because he is a touch overrated.
Either way, his lack of pushing Newcastle forward will see the coach sacked before the end of the season.
MANLY WILL WIN 90% OF THEIR GAMES WITH TOM TRBOJEVIC, BUT TRBOJEVIC WILL ONLY PLAY 50% OF THE GAMES. THERE WILL BE ZERO GAMES PLAYED WITH A JERSEY WITH RAINBOW STRIPES
Tom Trbojevic is one of NRL’s best, but has had an unlucky run with injuries and we 2023 being no different.
When he does play though it will be a 2021 Dally M vintage, and keep Manly’s final hopes alive, but ultimately injury will prove
We are presuming there will be no games played with a rainbow jersey after it caused the implosion of their 2022 campaign.
NRL WILL PULL THEIR HEADS OUT OF CHANNEL NEIN’S ARSES AND RE-INTRODUCE MID SEASON INTERNATIONALS
Following on from the tremendous success of the Rugby League World Cup, there will be bugger all international rugby league this season.
Our bold 2023 NRL prediction is that the NRL head honchos will realise that they need to have more, not less international rugby league, and create the mid season Pacific Test Four Nations series alongside other internationals, a full Women’s State of Origin series and the men’s series moved to Sundays.
Meanwhile, the NRL goes on a three week break, which is no problem, as currently the NRL is crap for two months while the State of Origin byes, player unavailability and late withdrawals goes on.
THE NEW ZEALAND WARRIORS WILL TURN MT SMART INTO A FORTRESS AND WIN ALL BUT ONE GAME AT HOME IN 2023 AND WITH PLAYERS WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO PLAY IN NEW ZEALAND
After a selfless few years in the Covid wilderness the New Zealand Warriors and their fans will no doubt will be looking forward to a full season at home in 2023.
And on the back of the feelgood vibe, a new coach and players who are actually committed to playing in New Zealand, they will be hard to beat at Mt Smart.
Sadly, they will return to being reasonably hopeless away from New Zealand.
QUICK HITS
We’ve probably taken too much of your time already, so here’s some quick ones to finish. This may be where we lost the plot a little.
DRAGONS WILL DROP THE ST GEORGE-ILLAWARRA NAME AND ANTHONY GRIFFIN IN THE SAME AND ONLY ONE DECISION WILL BE POPULAR
MITCHEL MOSES WILL USE 2023 TO DRAG MULTIPLE CLUBS ALONG FOR HIS NEXT CONTRACT
THE NRL WILL CONSIDER CREATING A BARBARIANS TEAM FOR THE 18TH LICENSE TO COVER EVERY BASE IN NEW ZEALAND, PERTH, CENTRAL COAST AND SEQ.
THE GABBA WILL BE A CRAP PLACE TO WATCH RUGBY LEAGUE THANKS TO CLOSURE OF SUNCORP STADIUM
COLD COAST WILL CONSIDER RE-INTRODUCING CAPTAIN CHARGER TO SPARK HOME GAMES.
NON EXPAT MELBOURNE PUBLIC WILL STILL CALL THE NRL RUGBY
BEST NEW SIGNINGS
DAVID KLEMMER – WESTS TIGERS
JOHN BATEMAN – WESTS TIGERS
SEAN O’SULLIVAN – DOLPHINS
TARIQ SIMS – MELBOURNE STORM
REED MAHONEY – BULLDOGS
VILIAME KIKAU – BULLDOGS
ADAM ELLIOTT – NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS
JACKSON HASTINGS – NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS
ZAC HOSKING – PENRITH PANTHERS
WORST NEW SIGNINGS
REECE WALSH – BRONCOS
DAVID FIFITA – CANBERRA RAIDERS
KIERAN FORAN – GOLD COAST TITANS
KODI NIKORIMA – DOLPHINS
TYSON GAMBLE – NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS
