The faceless bigwigs at DC have already announced Henry Cavill’s replacement as Superman, just days after the British actor said he wouldn’t be returning.
Pat Cummins. (Yes, that Pat Cummins, the fast bowler and current Australian cricket captain).
Cummins was picked over all the qualified actors in Hollywood simply because he’s tall, handsome, and looks like Superman.
With comic book enthusiasts slamming DC’s decision on various social media platforms, one sacrificial lamb at DC was forced to explain it.
“After a decade of s***house movies, nobody with any decent reputation wants to touch us, so we were forced to go elsewhere. One of our staff is from Australia and pointed out how Cummins looked like Superman. Once we checked who Cummins was and what the hell cricket it, we could see the similarities. That was all we needed. The outrage from all the nerds will keep us in the headlines for a few weeks.”
Though cricket fans concerned about Cummins being taken away from his captaincy duties needn’t worry, as Cummins said he probably won’t be starring in many DCEU movies.
“The guys at DC said I may make a few post-credits cameos in other movies, but they have no plans to make another Superman movie yet, they just want to tease fans that there might be another one,” said Cummins. “So I’m still available for the Ashes and the world cup next year.”
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of The Betoota Advocate. We swear.
