Sarah, a busy mum of two, is hosting a big family Christmas this year, and she’s already planning the dreaded Boxing Day clean up.
“Christmas Day is rotated between my house and Darren’s family’s house, and it’s our turn this year. Yay!” said Sarah with little enthusiasm.
Wanting to avoid a repeat of the 2020 clean up disaster (“I tried to get everyone to pitch in, but there were more yelling and tantrums than cleaning done. Nobody talked to me for a couple of days after.”), Sarah has outlined a foolproof Boxing Day plan.
“I’m going to kick out the overnighters early, park Darren and the boys infront of the cricket with plenty of drinks and leftovers, and give mum and dad money to enjoy the Boxing Day sales and maybe a movie in town. Then I’m going to clean every inch of this goddamn house while binging my favourite true crime podcasts and daydreaming about killing everyone who made the mess in the first place,” said Sarah. “Then, when I’m done, I’m going to pour a big glass of wine and watch some crappy Christmas movie. Because I goddamn deserve it!”
In order to avoid the post-Christmas clean, Darren and the boys have agreed to help with the pre-Christmas rush.
“I’ll be picking up all the relatives and doing all the last-minute shopping, while the boys will wrap the presents, help Sarah with the food prep, and make the house look ‘Christmassy’,” said Darren. “Then on Boxing Day I can kick back with a few beers and show my boys why Test matches are the best type of cricket. It’s a fair compromise. And nobody will get yelled at this time.”
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of The Betoota Advocate. We swear.
