*** WARNING: this article features discussion and images of clowns, so if you have coulrophobia (a fear of clowns), please skip ahead.
While the new horror film Terrifier 2 has become a big hit, there’s one surprising group protesting it.
The Clown Appreciation Group of Australia (C.A.G.A) are fighting against the stereotype of evil clowns, and have launched an online petition to ban the film and have protested outside cinemas.
“I’m sick to death of clowns being used as horror movie cliches,” said C.A.G.A spokesclown Mr Jingles. “And then there’s that guy from Slipknot who dresses as a clown, the f*****g Insane Clown Posse, and the various clown serial killers. And the biggest one of all is The Joker, who can range from a trickster to a full-on psychopath! Now this Art the Clown dickhead is coming to destroy us for good!”
Mr Jingles’ love of clowns came from a childhood in the circus.
“My parents were both circus performers – my mum was a fire breather and my dad a trapeze artist – and I hung out a lot with the circus crew. I loved the clowns the best: they were funny, made me silly balloon animals, and were always pulling goofy faces. These were the innocent days before they became a source of fear.”
Through C.A.G.A, Mr Jingles is working hard to restore the childlike wonder of being a clown.
“We’re constantly doing kids’ birthday parties and try to show the little ones that clowns are good, clean fun.”
Unfortunately, the protests have backfired, with many punters assuming the C.A.G.A members are part of a marketing stunt for Terrifier 2, leaving Mr Jingles unsure what to do next.
“Maybe we can rebrand as mimes? Everyone loves mimes,” said Mr Jingles.
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of The Betoota Advocate. We swear.
