Melbourne Cup day is a fun occasion for punters, lovers of horse racing, and Melburnians who like a day off.
But for proud SJW (Social Justice Warrior) Benjamin Bichels-Parrat, it’s a serious day of awareness.
While Benjamin (who insists on being called by his full first name) isn’t a ‘sporty’ person, he uses every Melbourne Cup day to highlight his ‘horseracing is cruel’ agenda.
Benjamin started on the weekend, spending four hours on Saturday and Sunday handing out his home-made booklets in the Melbourne CBD, most which were ignored or swiftly thrown in the nearest bin.
“People are so ignorant! I worked hard on those booklets, spent hours researching them, and wrote all the text myself,” said Benjamin.
He also filmed himself for his TikTok channel (for all 50 of his followers, who he constantly annoys by jumping on the latest SJW trend until the next one comes along), but received mostly negative comments, with one guy saying, “Mate, give it a rest! You don’t give a s*** about horseracing for the rest of the year, so why bother? Let punters have their fun.”
But Benjamin was unshaken, and planned to spend Cup day outside Flemington Racecourse, handing out more booklets and filming himself for TikTok.
Benjamin’s parents are embarrassed by his ‘flavour of the month’ activism.
“My Benny had such potential in high school. His English essays were so good and we got a free trip to the Gold Coast after he won an short story competition,” said Benjamin’s mum. “I had dreams of him becoming the next great Aussie author, maybe have a movie made from his books, but he hasn’t written anything since uni. What a shame.”
“He’s only mad at the Cup because he was horrible at sports: he was too small for league, union, and Aussie Rules; too slow for soccer; and he was terrified of cricket balls,” said Benjamin’s dad. “I get there’s moral issues with horseracing, and it’s sad when they have to put a horse down, but the Cup is a fun day for so many people and it makes a lot more people a lot of money. I love putting a few bucks for me and the missus into the Sweep at work. Don’t even care if we win.”
The Everyday News Staff Writers took a break from punting on Cup day to check on Benjamin outside Flemington and were surprised that he wasn’t there: apparently he only lasted two hours before quitting in frustration.
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of The Betoota Advocate. We swear.
