It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have returned to cast their eye over the final weekend of NRL that was with the 2022 NRL Grand Final Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the NRL Grand Final Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can.
All reports are unconfirmed and most are completely made up, but we’ll let you decide which ones are. Any issues please contact L. Hutz or our Legal team, and for any coaching vacancies please contact the Fox League team.
2022 NRL GRAND FINAL HEADLINES
CHANNEL NEIN IS STILL SH!T – AND SUCKED IN ON YOUR BAD RATINGS – BRING BACK SUNDAY 3PM
For all the excitement of an NRL Grand Final, there is always a lingering horror when the realisation kicks in that we have no choice but to suffer the Free-to-air broadcaster for the big game.
It’s not just the ads, or the crap presentation, or the ads, or the fact that the game is on a Sunday night, it’s the whole package which doesn’t seem to improve with every new year.
Interesting then, that the ratings for the NRL Grand Final were the worst ever. Perhaps that’s due to a lack of Qld audience, or the 12K bandwagon viewers from Victoria if the Storm rugby side had made the final, or that mainly western Sydney were interested in the match. Or maybe the Sunday night format is a tired one and that the NRL should do like the AFL does and grow a pair and move the Grand Final back to a genuine afternoon kick off time of no later than 4pm.
For the record, this anti-Nein rant did not include the State Championship game, which was called by the always excellent Peter Psaltis and Gus Gould. Both were/are under-used by Channel Nein.
WE THOUGHT WE’D NEVER SAY IT – BUT BRING BACK GUS – AFTER BILLY SLATER PRE GAME MONOLOGUE
A staple of the tired Channel Nein coverage is the pre game monologue, which is usually delivered by Phil Gould before most major games.
As cringe worthy those may have been, Gus provided a little something extra to take into the game whether you liked him or not. And who knew more about the emerging Penrith dynasty heading into the match.
The latest installment from Billy Slater had the cliché-O-meter bursting, and left us wishing for Gus’ return. One change from Channel Nein they shouldn’t have tried.
JIMMY BARNES FAN DISAPPOINTED THERE WAS NO SOUL DEEP SONGS AND THAT HE DIDN’T SEE COLD CHISEL 20 YEARS AGO
Davo Wrigley (fake name) has been a big Jimmy Barnes and Cold Chisel fan forever, but after nailing the first two Jimmy Barnes songs as part of the GurglerBet Exclusive Offering, he was disappointed that nothing from Soul Deep was played.
“I thought with Diesel there it was a Dylan Edwards certainty that something would be played from Soul Deep”. Having recently discovered The Commitments movie and realising soul music isn’t crap, Davo had recently realised Soul Deep was quite good after all these years wasted believing Soul Deep was like the last 15 seasons of The Simpsons.
Although Davo remains a fan of Jimmy Barnes, there was a note of disappointment in the overall performance.
“Love Jimmy forever, but I wish I had of seen Chisel at Boondall back in the 90’s.”
BORED NRL GRAND FINAL PATRONS MISTAKE NEW DOLPHINS NRL JERSEY FOR 2023 AS YET ANOTHER AD FOR VANILLA COKE
One piece of side interest on NRL Grand Final day was the launch of the Dolphins NRL home jerseys for their first season in 2023.
First of all, who are the Dolphins to launch their jersey at the ground on Grand Final day. A little full of themselves. But that has been their case since arriving by talking big signings and ending up with Jarrod Wallace and calling themselves just the Dolphins.
Secondly, they will probably be wishing they did a more low-key unveiling as the view on Dolphin based social media since the launch is about 95% negative.
The Dolphins management had spoken of strong colours of Red and Gold, but sadly have stuffed up looking at the Taubmans wall at Bunnings and have pulled a colour closer to baby turd or tan out of their arse instead of gold.
Those not interested in any form of Dolphins at the ground looked bemused when the jersey was unveiled, as most presumed it was just another ad on the big screen for Vanilla Coke. Upon second glance of the jersey, the same fans were convinced that it was a vanilla coke ad.
MOST NRL FANS FORGET ASHLEY KLEIN REFFED THE GAME BECAUSE INCOMPETENCE WAS MISSING. BUT WAS BOOED REGARDLESS
Unlike most games controlled by Ashley Klein, most NRL fans struggled to recall who officiated in the 2022 NRL Grand Final. That’s because the game flowed, and The Bunker failed to ruin the spectacle for a change.
Although one decision raised eyebrows for being interpreted exactly how common sense should during the season.
This didn’t stop fans booing Ashley Klein as he received his Grand Final medal. Reports that this was from a pocket of Wests Tigers fans wanting to sample Grand Final day are unconfirmed.
DOZENS OF PINK TELSTRA HATS SEEN IN OP SHOP ON MONDAY MORNING FOLLOWING LAME NRL MEDAL PRESENTATION
The Wooden Spooners can confirm, after a bleary eye walk with much needed McDonalds after drinking until 4am at the Rooty Hill RSL celebrating the Panthers win, that the local Op Shop had a new display of at least a dozen Pink Telstra caps that looked distinctively like the caps handed out to juniors on Grand Final night.
With the Pink Hat akin to a hand-made jumper or a set of clothing given each birthday as fashion advice from siblings and other family members, these were quickly handed over to the nearest Op Shop, as the kids who received knew the value would be minimal or zero.
The local Op Shop was glad to have the Telstra merch to take over from the existing Optus Team shirts display after Optus’ recent woes.
NEWS LTD STILL FIND A WAY TO SMASH JAROME LUAI AFTER GRAND FINAL
With the Wests Tigers condemned to the wooden spoon, and half to News Ltd / Fox League staff left with the thumbs to twiddle, the media giant decided to focus on on of their other main targets for 2022 – Jarome Luai.
While some of Luai’s actions don’t come across as the greatest examples of sportsmanship, he certainly isn’t as bad as the NRL360 or other News people will make out.
The latest is the uproar over the use of a certain word in a personal tweet, which anyone who has watched an episode or two of The Wire would understand why there should be a lack of hysteria.
But outrage sells and clicks. And NRL360 don’t have long left for the season.
WOODEN SPOONERS UNFAIR QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Q: Are the Panthers too arrogant?
A: Na, except if you’re Paul K-nt.
SOCIALS OF THE WEEK
Our NRL Social of the Week is from a Simpsons Related NRL Memes Facebook Page like it always is these days which is a must for those who love NRL, Simpsons and a laugh.
