Gurgler favourite Greg Norman is a people person and a problem solver, he has solved buhsfire problems, posted inspirational videos to get people through Coronavirus lockdown and is trying to revolutionise golf and make some of the richest sports stars in the world even more disgustingly richer. But that doesn’t mean he can’t continue to solve the world’s problems, and there’s no bigger problem in the world right now than the Russia-Ukraine conflict.
This is another in a series of regular problem solving hypothetical exercises featuring the Great White Shark, and one that will be full of no nonsense solutions, along with no clothed Greg.
It has to take someone of his stature, knowledge and experience to sort out this edition of What Would Greg Norman Do? And the world needs a solution to the Russia-Ukraine conflict and fast.
Some may accuse us of trivialising the Russia-Ukraine conflict, but in reality no official solution has worked thus far, so why not see what Greg Norman would do.
THE THREE POINT GREG NORMAN PLAN FOR THE RUSSIA-UKRAINE CONFLICT
So what would Greg Norman do?
Greg Norman is a master businessman, a former high flying professional sports person, the governor of the new Golf revolution and one of the finest nude models over 60 in the world. Who else can command respect of the world’s biggest political and business leaders, sports fans and photo shoot fans more than Greg. Hey, he’s even besties with Donald Trump, so if he can talk sense with the former US President than Greg can talk to anyone. Including Putin.
He has a three point plan outlined below, three separate challenges that whoever triumphs at the end has the upper hand in peace talks, that Greg Norman himself will host.
1 – SHIRTLESS PHOTO SHOOT
Both Greg Norman and Vladimir Putin have had famous photos taken of them shirtless (and beyond – looking at you Greg) and since Volodymyr Zelenskyy is an actor he’s also probably used to a topless photo shoot or two.
Both presidents and Greg Norman choose music and a routine lasting five minutes, with the performance rated by an artist nominated by each country at the United Nations.
Once votes are counted, and unlike a quick referendum, the person with the most votes takes Stage One.
2. THREE HOUR GYM SESSION WITH THE SHARK
In a recent interview Greg Norman said he wanted to live to 110, and if you have seen his fitness program you’d know why he’s a chance.
The Shark will lay down an intense three hour program around a gym, with the great man himself deciding at the end who has impressed him the most.
3. A RYDER CUP STYLE GOLF TOURNAMENT
Who doesn’t like Matchplay golf? Anyone who puts their hand up is simply hard to please.
But the final leg of the Greg Norman plans for peace in the Ukraine involves the two countries nominating their best golfers and a showdown in the style of the Ryder will follow.
Of course with all the ravages of war and politics, neither country is a good idea for a venue. Or maybe it is to highlight just how bad the war has been in Ukraine. With golfers needing to putt around abandoned military equipment similar to at the end of Happy Gilmore.
But perhaps somewhere neutral like Switzerland could host the big golfing tournament.
By the end, and assuming the first two points end up 1-1, the winner of the golf gets the first allowance at the peace talks table.
Is all the above fair? No, but with the war threatening to go nuclear, the world needs quick and decisive decision making, something Greg Norman is famed for.
Easy solutions to complex issues? Now you know What Greg Norman would do. Stay tuned for more Norman news in the future.
