The Australian Federal Election continues to meander on with promises that won’t be kept and childish barbs that don’t really matter, but we don’t really care for the politics it’s all about the 2022 Election Night with mandatory Antony Green and beer ‘n’ snacks.
After sitting through countless biased FTA news bites, biased newspaper articles and biased Sky News you deserve to have a good 2022 Election Night, and our guide promises to give as many barely interesting tidbits as possible to enjoy that night.. And like most election promises will probably not deliver.
But our Barely Interesting 2022 Australian Election Guide won’t go through what the two major parties are offering and try and help the swinging voter, we’re just here to provide a little barely interesting information for the casual election observer.
Like what’s the difference between the Great Australian Party and the Australian Federation Party and the Australian Value Party. Or which seat provides the potential for post-election newspaper headline puns. Or we wheel out the Hate-O-Meter for some of the minor parties. And so much more and something for everyone.
2022 ELECTION NIGHT – CANDIDATES TO WATCH
With so many seats in both houses of parliament up for grabs there’s loads of candidate attempting to get elected on 2022 Election Night there’s no way you can get to know all of them or even some of them.
There’s a bunch you’ll probably know already from the news that are reasonably important, but that’s not our style, we think you should know the more obscure ones, the ones with excellent, pun-able names who you should keep an eye out for as the results come in thick and fast on 2022 Election Night.
BOB COUCH (ONP – Boothy – SA) – For another seat you can watch out for during the night.
TIM HOLLO (GRN – Canberra – ACT) – An almost perfect surname for a wannabe politician in Canberra.
BASS (Tas) – the single best seat for potential puns for the newspapers the next day. Bob Salt “in the wounds”, Bridget Archer “on target”, Alison Baker “insert cooking pun here”, Stephen Humble “pie”, Kyle “Damp” Squibb, and Ross Hart “attack”. So many pun worthy winners.
KATRINA LOVE (Animal Justice Party – Franklin – TAS) – Not a better name for an Animal Justice candidate. Well there’s a better one coming.
BILL BURN (WA Party – Curtin – WA) – decent name for a politician for after the election.
IAN GOODENOUGH (LNP – Moore – WA) – and even better name for any politician which sums up how a lot of Australians vote.
MICK JONES (GRN – Capricornia – QLD) – For The Clash fans.
GREG DOWLING (UAP – Herbert – QLD) – Former rugby league player.
ROD JENSEN (KAP – Leichhardt – QLD) – Former rugby league player.
ANDREW KLOP (Animal Justice Party – Casey – VIC) Perfect name for an animal justice party.
FELIX DANCE (Socialist Alliance – Qld Senate) Who’d think that the socialist party would allow one to dance.
WILL COATS (LNP – Clark – TAS) – Funny, something he’ll definitely need in Tasmania in winter.
ANDREW CRIPPS (LNP – Senate – QLD) – At least Cripps is representing the right colour party.
MAX DICKS (IND – VIC) – Juvenile yes. Just like our Daily Dick pics too. Where using photos of Oxley Candidate Milton Dick for amusement is great.
Like on our Instagram page where there’s loads of Dick Pics.
2022 ELECTION NIGHT – SEATS TO WATCH
For the 2022 Election night you need to get to know the most important seats, and so here they are….
You may actually like a better guide to Key Seats – so try Antony Green’s Key Seats Guide at the ABC.
2022 ELECTION NIGHT TV GUIDE
The Gurgler will recommend only the ABC coverage. Only Antony Green will do.
Sure the commercial networks will have bigger names and louder opinions, and Sky News might be entertaining to watch if the ALP are winning with the slight Liberal bias, but you only need one person – Antony Green.
And only when he calls the election will we be satisfied. As the photo below points out.
2022 ELECTION NIGHT – GET TO KNOW THE MINOR PARTIES
With so many political parties looking for votes in the 2022 Federal Election, and so many of the minor parties sounding the same, we thought we’d take a look at some of these relatively unknown parties.
FUSION
Formerly the Science, Pirate, Secular, Climate Emergency Parties. For those who praise science and hate cyclones.
TNL
The New Liberals. As if we need a new one.
INFORMED MEDICAL OPTIONS PARTY
Ironically named the Informed Medical options party given their stance on vaccines, and the fact they get most of their informed-ness from Social Media, which is never wrong
SFFP
Another merger of minor parties. So if you were looking for Shooter’s Party on that Senate ticket they are now conveniently hooked up with the Fishing and Farmer’s Party. See also, Katter’s Australia Party for guns.
2022 ELECTION NIGHT – THE AUSTRALIAN PARTIES DEBATE
There’s more choice with minor parties than ever for the 2022 Australian Federal Election. The main ones are led by “mavericks” which is a very polite way of saying nutbag.
But below the One Nation, UAP, Katter etc rung on the ladder there are a bunch of parties with Australia in the name, but are they similarly aligned? Are they worth your Australian vote? Find out below if they are for you.
The beauty is they’ll never be elected so can promise anything. And they do.
The party’s main page starts off with a New World Order YouTube clip, so off to a good start. Plus there’s an image to download the party’s app that looks worse than out photoshop jobs.
Looking at their policies, one promise stood out – “Should the Great Australian Party win a seat in parliament, we would attempt to pass a bill making the Nuremberg Code law in Australia.”
Another that caught the ye was finance related and is certainly different – “GAP will abolish income tax and remove compulsory super. This will automatically bring in 33% more revenue in the home of every working Australian.”
Finally who wouldn’t respect the need for a standard national gauge for rail width in the country “Standardisation of transport systems with adoption of standard rail gauge in all states including any upgrade to drought effected area’s.” The area’s isn’t a typo on our behalf.
Vs
There’s a bit of religion here, which is all good if that’s your go. It’s also all god. Poor pun we know.
There’s also some anti-vaxx too if you’re into that “AusFedParty rejects any forceful vaccination “mandates” imposed anywhere across our great nation since they cause disunity, fear and ultimately mistrust of the Government and the Health Care Sector. On the other hand, freely exercising an informed choice promotes respect for and empowerment of the individual.”
Has been known previously as Country Alliance and Australian Country Party and Australia Party/Give it Back and Australian Country Party/Give It Back.
Vs
The Australian Citizens Party has some out there views, which may well attract punters on election night.
“The Citizens Party rejects the prevailing “green” view of the environment as somehow separate from, and threatened by, humans.”
From Wikipedia “The party espouses the claim that the Port Arthur massacre, in which Martin Bryant murdered 35 people and injured 37 others, was instigated by mental health institute the Tavistock Institute on the orders of the royal family, and that the Australian Liberal Party was founded by pro-Hitler fascists.”
Plus – Ukraine – Russia conflict
Plenty going on here, if it is for you enjoy.
Vs
Seems to be anti politics in general, and pro Rural Regional Australia, Defence without scaring people into ships off our coast, and the Brisbane 2032 Olympics.
Seems the most normal choice of the Australian Parties.
