It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have returned to cast their eye over the first weekend of rugby league for 2022 that was with the NRL 2022 Round 5 Results & Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the NRL 2022 Round 5 Results & Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can.
All reports are unconfirmed and please contact our Legal team or Buzz Rothfield aka Hans Moleman for complaints.
MANLY RUIN PERFECT ROUND FOR 70% OF TIPPING COMPS BY WORKING OUT HOW TO WIN WITHOUT TOM TRBOJEVIC. ONE TIPSTER BLAMES KALYN PONGA.
With the news that Tom Trbojevic was ruled out of Manly’s next few games, many NRL tipsters were quick to abandon the Sea Eagles for the first tip of the round.
And fair enough too, as Manly were pretty useless without their star fullback last season.
But maybe tipsters were too harsh. It’s not as if Tommy Turbo, as he often to referred to as, has been very good this year season anyway. And the DCE kicking masterclass the week before was another sign.
We asked ESPN Footy Tipping Manager of Communication Jed Freeleigh (fake name) how many fans were sucked in, and the ESPN spokesperson confirmed at least 70% of tipsters had picked Newcastle but got all other seven games correct.
One Gurgler reader even wrote to our website gurgler.chat@gmail.com to moan that it was all Kalyn Ponga’s fault. As not only did the reader lose their perfect round, but they wasted their NRL Supercoach transfer swapping the Manly fullback to Ponga.
The disgruntled punter wrote “Ponga is piece of shit, doesn’t do anything these days, I’m not going to tip the Knights again and change my fullback to Dylan Edwards for Supercoach”.
SHAUN JOHNSON IS JUST GREAT
The New Zealand Warriors are a likeable team, even more so with their recent selflessness staying in Australia away from home. Same with Shaun Johnson who seems equally likeable.
So when Shaun Johnson slotted the winning field goal at their temporary 2022 home of Redcliffe against the Cowboys, one could only be happy for the team and man. And there was genuine joy to be had based on Johnson’ post match interview.
For some related stats, it’s three from three at Redcliffe now. And now five of the last six games between Cowboys and Warriors have seen a field goal.
PAYNE HAAS TO RELEASE COVER OF ELVIS PRESLEY SONG
Work experience guy’s Artist Impression on Cassette Single ready for purchase on Monday.
After taking the headlines last week with his Albert Kelly scuffle over White Shoes, and in general being the Broncos best this season, Payne Haas wants more. More attention, more notoriety.
So the Broncos prop has decided to release a single White Suede Shoes, which is essentially a cover of Elvis’ Blue Suede Shoes but with some words changed around.
Payne Haas’ version include the iconic lyrics with a recent twist “you can do anything but don’t step on my white suede shoes you —-“.
EXCLUSIVE: GOLD COAST TITANS SECURE BUNDABERG RUM SPONSORSHIP AFTER PERFECT USE OF CAPTAIN’S CHALLENGE
The Wooden Spooners can exclusively reveal that Bundaberg Rum have indeed inked a major sponsorship deal with the Gold Coast Titans after their Captain’s Challenge’s on Saturday’s game.
But even more exclusive is that our NRL insider can confirm that this Bundy Rum deal has been tentatively in place for a few weeks now, and that the Titans played up with the Captain’s challenge was on purpose on Saturday night to keep their secret new employer happy or at least onside for future partnerships.
GOLD COAST TITAN’S SECURITY GUARD CHARGED BY MATCH COMMITTEE FOR RECKLESS SHOULDER CHARGE ON PITCH INVADER
One of rugby league’s big talking points of the weekend was yet again a strong tackle where fans and media debated whether it was too hard or talk of that was ruining rugby league.
Well the Wooden Spooners have it on good authority that the match review committee have looked into the tackle and will announce on Monday morning that the security guard in question will be facing a Grade Two careless contact charge.
This means, despite having no priors, that the security guard may miss the next Titans home game if he fights the charge and loses.
He will be free however for as many shifts at Sin City as he likes.
As for the lady who entered the field, there has been footage on the socials that it was one of her dreams to run onto the field.
Unconfirmed reports that friends have set up a crowdfunding page to pay the huge fine and to allow the woman to train for future events like State of Origin at Suncorp Stadium, the V8’s on the Gold Coast and potentially the Melbourne Cup.
FAN SEES RONALDO ON TEAM LIST AND THINKS HE’S AT A SOCCER GAME – INVADE FIELD – LIGHTS FLARE
Local man (name withheld) had no interest in rugby league since moving to Australia from Europe until he glanced upon the team sheet on Team List Tuesday and saw the name Ronaldo.
Of course the European man knew the name Ronaldo, and presumed it was soccer and decided to attend Shark Park.
After finally establishing that the game was not football (aka Soccer) he invaded the pitch with a lit flare, all the time singing some terribly offensive chant about rugby league itself.
The man, who received the same treatment as the Gold Coast woman, didn’t seem to have received the same level of concern for his well being. Maybe because of the flares and what looked like a cape, he was presumed an idiot and filed under No Brain, No Pain.
SOCIALS OF THE WEEK
Our NLR Social of the Week is from a Simpsons Related NRL Memes Facebook Page which is a must for those who love NRL, Simpsons and a laugh.
THE SHANE FLANAGAN NEW COACHING GIG-O-METER
With Shane Flanagan returning to the commentary box for Fox League in 2022, we can continue to expect subtle digs at teams who are struggling and that he can see a possible way in for. Or anyone who may be competition or ahead of his son Kyle Flanagan.
So each week as part of the Wooden Spooner’s NRL Headline, we’ll bring you the New Coaching Gig-O-Meter. This features which teams are hot for a new coach, or a team that was and is going cool.
It’s all about the Tigers we feel right now. Michael Maguire can’t have too many games left in him at the current rate, so “Flanno” only has a couple more episodes on Fox League to state his case and whiteant a bit more.
But don’t rule out the Bulldogs and Dragons where he has some history or relatives.
Let’s see which game he commentates on next weekend.
