A Brisbane man has embraced his long-forgotten Polish heritage after learning that Poland made the FIFA World Cup.
While Robert Kowalski has never been to Poland, was too young to participate in the culture with his Polish grandfather, and doesn’t even like soccer, he shamelessly jumps on the bandwagon whenever Poland plays in the FIFA World Cup or Euro tournaments.
Robert’s mates are sick of his fair-weather support. “He can’t even speak Polish, let alone recognise any of the Polish players,” said Robert’s friend, Peter. “We invite him to watch the A-League or English Premier League matches all the time, but he says ‘it’s a game for giant sissies’, unless Poland are in a big tournament, then he pretends to care. At least for a couple of weeks, then he goes back to watching his beloved Brisbane Broncos again.”
Robert spent the night learning Polish on Duolingo, searching Ebay for a new Poland football jersey, learning the words to the Polish national anthem, and watching highlights of Poland football games on YouTube…at least until he got bored and switched to watching his DVD of the Broncos’ 2006 grand final win for the umpteenth time.
Despite this lapse in concentration, Robert promised himself he’ll pay attention to the FIFIA World Cup later this year.
“I’ve still got a few months, and the footy will be over then, so the mighty Poland will have my undivided attention. I swear…or maybe I’ll just watch highlights on YouTube if it starts getting boring.”
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of ‘The Betoota Advocate’. We swear.
