It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have returned to cast their eye over the first weekend of rugby league for 2022 that was with the NRL 2022 Round 3 Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the NRL 2022 Round 3 Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can.
All reports are unconfirmed and please contact Leigh Gulfeys from our Legal team or Buzz Rothfield aka Hans Moleman for complaints.
CYNICAL NRL FAN THINKS MORE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MADE OF LATRELL MITCHELL v JOEY MANU
Latrell Mitchell’s return for the 2022 season had to ensure he met the Roosters as early as possible, says rugby league cynic Ian.
Why else would the Roosters-Rabbitohs clash be delayed until round three he added.
“And geez didn’t they talk it up, like nothing else has happened in rugby league ever.” Ian opined.
“Thanks Christ Souths belted the Roosters so hopefully we don’t have to listen to more of the crap over the next few months.”
WESTS TIGERS FAN PREVIOUSLY SICK OF THE NINTH PLACE TAUNT WOULD ACCEPT THAT NOW
A running joke for a while in the NRL was the Wests Tigers always finish ninth, just missing the playoffs.
And it did happen for a while there, ultimately frustrating loyal fans like Doug, who we caught up with after the game.
“Being a Wests Tigers fan was hard enough in social groups on the turps, as eventually my mates would put sh!t on me that my team was gonna finish 9th again. Tell you what, I’d gladly take ninth at the moment the way they are playing”.
“I mean, we were robbed against the Warriors when the referee didn’t check the grounding of that try. And while I’m at it, how do refs send everything upstairs and not one that looks like a try.”
“In saying all that, Christ I’ll take a ninth lace finish right now, as we are shite.”
EXCLUSIVE: KEEPING LUKE BROOKS WAS A DELAY TACTIC BY MICHAEL MAGUIRE
With the race between who Wests Tigers fans blame most for another poor start to the season, The Wooden Spooners can reveal an exclusive about the Tigers.
During the Off Season there were whispers that Luke Brooks was looking to leave the club. It seemed a win-win-win. Wests Tigers fans would be rid of Luke Brooks, the club would free up an enormous amount of money for the salary cap, and they would weaken an opposition team.
But the club held their nerve and kept Brooks despite the temptation.
The Wooden Spooners can reveal that it was in fact head coach Michael Maguire who insisted. The real reason is unconfirmed, but a club insider told us that Brooks was kept so the fans had someone to get the sh!ts with more than the head coach, hopefully stretching out his time in charge.
Michael Maguire is yet to comment, mainly because we haven’t asked him to.
PENRITH PLAYER’S ASSUALT ON MITCH BARNETT’S FOREARM THE WORST SEEN IN A WHILE
The controversial moment of the weekend was the sickening assault by Penrith player Chris Smith’s head on the forearm of Newcastle’s Mitch Barnett.
It was one of the most sickening headbutts to a forearm ever seen on the footy field, and we hope that Smith is given plenty of weeks off. A standard needs to be set for the kids playing rugby league all around the world.
Bizarrely the referee thought it was Barnett in the wrong, and sent him from the field.
REDCLIFFE SCREW MELBOURNE ONE MORE TIME
The Redcliffe Dolphins have pissed a few people off since their announcement as the NRL’s 17th team.
Firstly there’s the Moreton Bay Regional Council by dropping the name Redcliffe from the title for the NRL adventure.
Then there’s cynical lifelong Redcliffe fans for the above reasons as well.
But the Dolphins have also pissed off Melbourne Storm, by securing a lot of their older, more experienced players for the 2023 season as part of their recruitment strategy.
So what joy for the Melbourne Storm that Ray Stone, one of the Dolphins few non-Storm recruits was the game winner for the Parramatta Eels in the thrilling game on Saturday night. And the fact that Stone probably won’t play again for the Eels after injuring himself scoring the winner, means Redcliffe is to blame more than ever.
Sets up a nice off the shelf rivalry in 2023.
Our office cynic suggests the NRL are behind it all for marketing purposes.
SHORT, SHARP HEADLINES
- Occasional NRL viewer say Of Course Sharks Would be Better than a Dragon in the wet after watching game on Channel Nein on Thursday night.
- 2022 Broncos are still an unpainted turd.
- Benji Marshall’s New Fox League Show is Crap
SOCIAL OF THE WEEK
Our social media clip of the week comes from a Knights fan with a balanced point of view after Mitch Barnett’s send off.
THE SHANE FLANAGAN NEW COACHING GIG-O-METER
With Shane Flanagan returning to the commentary box for Fox League in 2022, we can continue to expect subtle digs at teams who are struggling and that he can see a possible way in for. Or anyone who may be competition or ahead of his son Kyle Flanagan.
So each week as part of the Wooden Spooner’s NRL Headline, we’ll bring you the New Coaching Gig-O-Meter. This features which teams are hot for a new coach, or a team that was and is going cool.
It’s all about the Tigers we feel right now. Michael Maguire can’t have too many games left in him at the current rate, so “Flanno” only has a couple more episodes on Fox League to state his case and whiteant a bit more.
Let’s see which game he commentates on this weekend.
THE 2022 NRL FORM-O-METER
Sometimes NRL competition points aren’t enough to judge relative performance of the team, or at least not complicated enough.
So to make things way more complicated than they need to be, we have assembled 15 stats from the weekend’s action, and ranked each team 1 – 16 for all. Then take a combined score across them all for the team of the week.
So this is actual NRL data in among all the crazy headline, but what better place to put something a little serious.
Penrith leading the way from a Knights side who did well with 13 players, and the Cowboys who played like a team with a man up against the Broncos. That loss has seen the Brisbane team tumble down the ranking, and Manly’s win hasn’t helped them climb too much more.
Stay tuned to the weekly headlines for an update.
THE WOODEN SPOONERS 2022 WOODEN SPOON POLL
Since this is the Wooden Spooners review of the weekend, we thought we’d throw in a rolling poll to who the very few readers here think will be the team that finishes the 2022 NRL season in last place.
[democracy id=”18″]
