It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have returned to cast their eye over the first weekend of rugby league for 2022 that was with the NRL 2022 Round 2 Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the NRL 2022 Round 2 Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can.
All reports are unconfirmed and please contact Leigh Gulfeys from our Legal team or Buzz Rothfield aka Hans Moleman for complaints.
WINDEX CELEBRATES CRAIG BELLAMY’S 500TH WITH A GIFT
In a cheap shot the Wooden Spooners can reveal the Windex, manufacturers of window cleaning products, have approached Craig Bellamy with a tribute of 500 bottles of Windex for his 500th game.
Their executive marketing manager playfully suggested that Bellamy would probably want to carry one around with him for all games this season, and that Windex would be happy to offer a discount for future needs.
Bellamy accepted the gift with good humour, and indeed keep a bottle handy for this weekend, as the Storm had a bad record against Parramatta last season. The Storm play the Eels this weekend.
RAGE ALSO GET ON THE CRAIG BELLAMY’S 500TH BANDWAGON BY MAKING HIM GUES PROGRAMMER FOR A WEEKEND
Also getting in on the 500th celebration was ABC TV’s Rage Program, which decided to get a different audience than usual by inviting the Storm coach onto the Rage couch for the Saturday night DJ role.
Of course the producers made him play songs that matched his famous coach box temper, with I See Red, Killing In The Name Of, You Oughta Know, Cee Lo Green’s Fuck You, and some Kelly Clarkson.
After watching the junior lighting artist drop a lightbulb mid speech, and a work experience assistant cough while he was talking, the Wooden Spooners have it on good authority that Craig Bellamy stormed off the set for 30 minutes.
PAUL KENT PREPARES TO TELL BUZZ “WELL MY TURBO IDEA WASN’T THAT STUPID AFTER ALL
NRL 360 is an important show for Fox League, the discussions on it supply 50% of the NRL articles on Fox Sports the following day.
So of course an article or two was written last week when leading opinionater Paul Kent said that Tom Trbojevic shoudl be moved to the centres after one less than stellar performance.
Of course Kent was shot down on the show that evening, but round two provided another argument as the Roosters shut down Tom Trbojevic rather effectively too.
Content with himself Kent did go on the NRL 360 set on Tuesday night, and in an exclusive the Wooden Spooners have the pre show vision of Kent giving everyone the finger and telling them to kiss his arse over his Turbo comments the week before.
“ENTITLED TO DIVE” SAYS 95% OF A LEAGUE FOOTBALLERS DISCUSSING SEAN O’SULLIVAN’S DIVE
One big moment of the closely fought Panthers-Dragons game was the alleged dive by Penrith halfback Sean O’Sullivan after passing the ball.
While
The Wooden Spooners did an exclusive poll of 85 A League players, and 95% of them agreed with the dive which led to a sin binning.
One A League player discussed under the condition of anonymity explained “Sport is all about taking all the advantages you can, and if that means falling down a little, or holding your head when you’ve essentially been clipped on the shoulder, then so be it.”
We even photo shopped Cristiano Ronaldo into our picture to attempt to give our picture some more glamour.
“WE’VE COME A LONG WAY” SAYS JEFF AND DAVE, BULLDOGS FANS WHO WERE AT THE LAST BRONCOS V BULLDOGS CLASH
Last season lifelong Bulldogs fans Jeff and Dave who are based in Brisbane treated themselves to an excursion to Suncorp Stadium for the game against the Brisbane Broncos. It was memorable for the wrong reason.
“It was 2-0 at half time, and was easily the worst game of any sport I’d seen to that point.”
“Both teams were rubbish, especially the Buldlogs and the Broncos. So you can imagine our surprise when the Bulldogs v Brisbane clash was so entertaining and worth watching last weekend.”
“And it looks the Bulldogs might not finish last this season. I’d thank Phil Gould for his impact, but I don’t like him.”
CASTING AGENT CIRCLING FOR NEW COACHES AHEAD OF NEW TIGER TOWN SERIES
After the Tigers reverted to form against Newcastle last weekend with a 26-4 loss, the Wooden Spooners have it on good authority that the executive producers of that show have engaged casting experts to assist in finding the new head coach of the Wests Tigers who will help ratings.
Whilst Shane Flanagan has been mentioned as a coach, the executive producers have advised he may not be interesting enough. This goes against the good work Fox League producers have been doing by crow-barring him into games on Fox League of teams he’d like to coach.
THE SHANE FLANAGAN NEW COACHING GIG-O-METER
With Shane Flanagan returning to the commentary box for Fox League in 2022, we can continue to expect subtle digs at teams who are struggling and that he can see a possible way in for. Or anyone who may be competition or ahead of his son Kyle Flanagan.
So each week as part of the Wooden Spooner’s NRL Headline, we’ll bring you the New Coaching Gig-O-Meter. This features which teams are hot for a new coach, or a team that was and is going cool.
And there’s been a change with the Rabbitohs joining the maybe pile and the Cowboys dropping out for now with a good win over Canberra last weekend.
THE JARRYD HAYNE MEDAL ALLEDGED UPDATE
GEORGE BURGESS
The Dragons interchange forward made his season debut in Round Two, but he has also made another list – the Jarryd Hayne Medal for Worst Off Field Behaviour.
Burgess has been accused of Sexual Touching, but he is still selected to play in Round Three. But he is first in line for the Jarryd Hayne Medal.
THE 2022 NRL FORM-O-METER
Sometimes NRL competition points aren’t enough to judge relative performance of the team, or at least not complicated enough.
So to make things way more complicated than they need to be, we have assembled 15 stats from the weekend’s action, and ranked each team 1 – 16 for all. Then take a combined score across them all for the team of the week.
So this is actual NRL data in among all the crazy headline, but what better place to put something a little serious.
This week Penrith are in front, but Newcastle are right up there too. It a long way down to an extended midfield at the moment, but one surprise is Brisbane fifth last despite winning two in a row.
A few of the teams mentioned in our above Headlines are down at the bottom.
Stay tuned to the weekly headlines for an update.
THE WOODEN SPOONERS 2022 WOODEN SPOON POLL
Since this is the Wooden Spooners review of the weekend, we thought we’d throw in a rolling poll to who the very few readers here think will be the team that finishes the 2022 NRL season in last place.
[democracy id=”18″]
