In a week full of charged political debate from Australia Day to Government handling of Coronavirus to the Grace Tame no-smile talking point, Ron Nugget (fake name) had one more piece of anger left in him. And once again it was about defending the Prime Minister against an unhappy participant of a photo.
Ron Nugget had spent most of Australia Day and the day comment and re-commenting on various News Ltd articles about Grace Tame’s cold demeanour and disrespect for the Prime Minister on Australia Day.
He would then check into Sky News to ensure his opinion was the right one.
The regular viewer of The Outsiders, Fox News US and a subscriber of the Courier Mail did his four hour scan of the news this afternoon/early evening, and can’t believe it’s all happening again.
Looking at the Prime Minister aka Scomo’s photo opportunity as he watered his bare patches on the front lawn caused by “those bloody ars_hole lawn grubs” he flagged us down as we walked past on our way back from the TAB to chat.
“Look at this”, as he points to the photo on his phone, “another day, another thing disrespecting the Office of the Prime Minister in a photo.”
“First it was Miss Sourpuss 3000, now this arsehole doesn’t look like they want to be there either.”
Having had a few beers in addition to betting, we had to adjust the eyes for a bit, and it revealed the disrespectful soul was indeed a koala. Which we pointed out to Ron.
“What, just because it’s a koala it has the right to be rude to the Prime Minister. The leader of this country?”
“If it doesn’t want to be one of the official animals of Australia then it should hand back the title.”
“And you know what else? If it doesn’t want to be there he shouldn’t have been there and stayed in the bloody tree. I mean, it’s not like it’s a fireman’s hand the Prime Minister was forcing to shake.”
“While I’m at it. How blooming ungrateful can someone be, the PM is there to announce $50M worth of tax payer money for koalas. More free money for bludgers yet this mongrel can’t even raise a smile to say thanks.”
“First we give out money for Covid bludgers and then my market goes down and my superannuation pension drops, now we’re handing out millions to loafers who hang in trees all day.
“I bet he’s Greens-leaning, ALP voting koala too. They must have tried hard to find one of those on the Sunshine Coast.”
Without breaking stride he gives it to the Irwins too.
“Wouldn’t surprise me if the Irwins found that koala on purpose. They seem to like the Hollywood stuff more than animals these days. Haven’t been the same since Steve died.”
Before Ron could accuse us of war crimes or The Wiggles of branch stacking at Triple J to win the Hottest 100, and to get home in time for Cannington Race 1, we scurried off. Wishing Ron all the best with his lawn grubs.
“I bet the Outsiders on Sky News won’t settle for this” he shouted as we disappeared down the street.
We bet they won’t either.
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of ‘The Betoota Advocate’. We swear.
