In a world exclusive, Everyday News can reveal Disney’s upcoming Christmas 2022 smash hit that will delight children and grown-ass adults who love Disney, and will annoy the crap everyone else.
We interviewed one of the Disney interns who revealed the new movie will be called Earth Wizards of Wonder.
“The new movie is about a family of wizards who come down to Earth for some reason, befriend a racially diverse group of children, sing songs, and save the world somehow,” said the Disney rep, who chose to remain anonymous.
“It’ll feature all the cut-and-paste ingredients that have made Disney movies beloved by families worldwide for 1,000 years: magic/fantasy elements, a s***load of songs that will parents insane after their kids play the soundtrack for the billionth time, cute side characters which will sell a ton of toys to make us even richer, and some heartwarming nonsense about believing in yourself or something like that. It’ll be released simultaneously in cinemas and on Disney+ on December 23, 2022, just intime for parents to dump their kids at the movies or infront of the TV so they can stress out over Christmas with no distractions.”
Earth Wizards of Wonder is set to have 20 songs in it, all written to fit the Oscar bait template of Frozen’s ‘Let it Go’ and whatever the songs are in Encanto.
“The songs are the best part. We’re going to slowly release a few tracks on Spotify to allow those sad nerds on TikTok to make their stupid lip sync videos and freak out over a stupid cartoon even though they’re grown-ass adults and should know better. Not that we need the free publicity; we’re f***** Disney!”
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of ‘The Betoota Advocate’. We swear.
