In breaking news, an NRL player has purposefully avoided controversy in the 2021/22 off-season.
The emerging player (who chose to remain anonymous) is hoping to make his NRL debut for a high-profile Sydney club in 2022, and – in a rare bout of common sense – decided that risking a potential first grade career because of a rowdy, boozy off-season wasn’t worth it.
When not training, the player busies himself by studying a Bachelor of Sports Management online, playing his PlayStation 5, and binging Bob’s Burgers on Disney+.
When he does feel like a night out, he sensibly invites a handful of responsible teammates to his place, orders a few pizzas, stocks up on drinks at his local bottle shop, and enjoys a quiet but fun night with zero chance of controversy. He also makes sure the spare beds and couches are ready so any teammates can crash there rather than risk a career-ruining drinking-driving charge.
Everyday News contacted a few Fox League ‘journalists’ for comment, but they were too busy stalking well-known troublemakers and hoping to find a week’s worth of clickbait headlines.
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of ‘The Betoota Advocate’. We swear.
