Michael “Mad Mick” Stewart has always been the life of the party, loves a good beer, and is the one to steal the limelight and laughs at any social gathering with his still thick scottish accent despite living in Australia for 10 years since a backpacking holiday became permanent.
But there’s something he doesn’t find funny.
The New Year’s Foam Party at the local pub.
“Coronavirus has been a wee bit of a pr*ck, and I’ve been trying to enjoy myself over Christmas, but even I have standards” said Mad Mick.
“I mean, Foam Parties have been around for 20+ years, or at least as far back as when I was in Airlie Beach for six months, but they are the original superspreader events. Maybe not Covid, but you could still get some funky sh*t.”
“It has always been one sure way to catch something, and then the clowns at this pub does it in the middle of the biggest outbreak of Covid in Queensland. Like a children’s chicken pox party for stupid adults.”
“I’ve done crazy sh!t on the turps, plenty of nude motorbike rides, a couple of rodeo attempts, and way too many attempts to win over a girl, but no amount of alcohol made the Covid foam party a good idea.”
Another factor to Mad Mick’s is the current close contact ruling.
“And the Foam Party was gonna go for three hours, so if I was lucky enough to get the Omicron I’d be told not to get tested unless I was in that filth for four hours.”
And he had a parting shot for the state government before continuing his day of Bunnings, a gym session, browsing for no good reason at Chermside, a coffee at his favourite cafe down the road, Subway, a six pack of beer from the local bottle shop, all while he’s driving to six different locations to be gouged for a RAT that some dickhead says he can’t have for free.
“These governments, man…..Wrap us up in cotton wool for two years for a handful of cases, then let rip for thousands.”
“No wonder, I guess. Given how f—ing hopeless they have been with the testing.”
“And people think there’s a conspiracy theory that the governments started Covid for some reason. What bollocks. Look at how hopeless they are. Couldn’t organise a shag in a brothel with a fistful of 100s.”
The Gurgler was going to contact the local pub for their side of the story, but didn’t want to catch anything.
Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of ‘The Betoota Advocate’. We swear.
