February 4, 2025, 6:56 am

EVERYDAY NEWS – The Secret Shame

A self-regarded ‘sports nut’ has made a shocking confession: he doesn’t actually like many sports.

Gavin Mattchyn, a 30-year-old accountant, made the revelation after a few too many at a New Year’s Eve party.

“To be truthful, I only like three, maybe four sports tops. I love cricket, I love my Rabbitohs in the footy, I half-follow the ‘Tahs in the rugby, and I like a bit of basketball now and then. But anything else, I can’t be bothered,” said Mattchyn during a secretly recorded conversation at the party.

Embed from Getty Images

Mattchyn’s ‘reputation’ as an athlete was also revealed to be a hoax. “I played a few sports at school, but once I hit 16, I cared more about f****** around with mates, getting pissed, and chasing chicks. Once I got that out my system, it was time to go to uni and enter the real world. My dad tried to get me to play golf, but I was bored shitless after a few holes. I work long hours, I don’t have time for sport. I’d rather sit on the couch with a few drinks and watch the footy or cricket.”

Mattchyn’s mates aren’t at all surprised by his confessions.

“Old mate’s always talked a good game when it comes to sports, but he’s hopeless at our trivia nights, unless it’s about his Bunnies or a bit of cricket,” said Mattchyn’s mate, who chose to remain anonymous.

The Gurgler tried to contact Mattchyn, but apparently he’s still recovering from the New Year’s Eve party and is drowning his sorrows by watching South Sydney’s 2021 season highlights on YouTube.

Everyday News is a brand new general news/parody section of The Gurgler, and definitely not a lame rip-off of ‘The Betoota Advocate’. We swear.

 

Related Articles

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Stay Connected

0FansLike
0FollowersFollow
182FollowersFollow
- Advertisement -spot_img

Latest Articles