It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have cast their eye over the weekend of rugby league that was with the NRL Round 19 Weekend Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the NRL Round 19 Weekend Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can.
All reports are unconfirmed and please contact our legal team or Buzz Rothfield aka Hans Moleman for complaints.
STOP THE COUNT
In an unprecedented move, Andrew Abdo and The Man of Feathers have awarded Manly Warringah’s Tom Trbojevic the Dally M after just 20 rounds.
That’s how good he is. “Turbo is so far ahead of everyone else that it’s not funny,” said Abdo.
“Rather than pretend there even a contest anymore, we’ll just give the Dally to him now and we don’t have to put on a another stupid remote ceremony,” said V’landys.
CANBERRA’S ULTIMATUM
The Canberra Raiders have issues an ultimatum to the NRL: no more Lang Park games. The decision comes after Canberra’s embarrassing loss to Newcastle on Sunday afternoon.
“The boys must leave their heads at Caxton St, because we play like absolute bludgers at Lang Park!” said Raiders coach Ricky Stuart.
“Yeah, we beat the Doggies there in Magic Round, but we nearly fucked that up too.
From now on, if we’re drawn to play a neutral game at Lang Park, we’ll just forfeit: we’ll play at the Gold Coast, Mackay, Townsville, just not Lang bloody Park!”
While Canberra are still in the race for a lower-top eight spot, Stuart said the principle was more important than losing two points.
The Man of Feathers (Peter V’landys) was happy to comply with Canberra’s threat. “Let them forfeit, there’s 15 others club who’d kill to play at the spiritual home of Rugba Leeg.”
THE EARLY PREMIERSHIP CALL
While there’s still a handful of rounds into the finals, the Wooden Spooners can report that Peter V’landys has already started engraving the Melbourne Storm’s name onto the NRL ‘Gladiators’ Premiership trophy.
“After watching Melbourne maul Penrith on Sunday, I went to my shed, pulled out my engraving tools and got to work. It only took me 30 minutes and it’ll save so much time getting it done now.”
Speaking of the Storm, their staff have started fixing up their bandwagon for all the Victorian AFL fans to jump on after Melbourne wins the 2021 premiership.
NO MORE TIGER TOWN
The Wests Tigers have pleaded with Fox League to postpone the rest of their much-anticipated ‘Tiger Town’ documentary out of embarrassment.
The Tigers sit in 13th after losing to the Warriors on Friday night, with their finals hopes all but over.
“A lot of work went into this documentary, which is why I want it postponed until after the grand final,” said Tigers coach Michael Maguire.
“All my stuff about ‘belief’ and ‘playing for each other’ is pretty hollow when we can’t even find a fucking dummy-half against the Warriors and cough up the ball!”
Instead of airing the rest of ‘Tiger Town’, Fox League will show encore episodes of Matty Johns’ one-on-one interviews.
NRL CONSIDERING MINIMUM ENTRY STANDARD TO FINALS
Looking at the current NRL ladder you will see a large gulf between the sixth placed team Manly and the plethora of teams on 18 points from 7th to 11th with an 8-11 record. On current form, it is likely that no side that finishes from 7th and down will have win record better than 50%.
This has not been lost on NRL bosses too.
According to our sources the NRL are considering a minimum 50% win rate for finals in 2022, with no number of finals teams set until the qualification mark is passed.
While this may seem harsh to the battlers in the lower half of the ladder there is an upside.
The NRL advised they will accept every team with a win record of 50% or greater so we could have 10 teams in the finals one season. Which is a better idea than a wildcard weekend.
