It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have cast their eye over the weekend of rugby league that was with the NRL Round 17 Weekend Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the NRL Round 17 Weekend Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can.
All reports are unconfirmed and please contact our legal team or Buzz Rothfield aka Hans Moleman for complaints.
Please note that the Wooden Spooners headlines will be packing up and moving to South East Queensland to continue the exclusives.
RAIDERS FANS FIND PEACE
Going into Thursday night’s game against Manly Warringah, most Canberra fans were bracing themselves for another ugly loss.
Instead, Canberra produced a famous come-from-behind win at Brookvale Oval.
That allowed Raiders fans to enjoy a rare relaxing weekend, with many catching up on TV, reading, doing family stuff, watching the T20 and ODI cricket in the West Indies and England, and other activities.
While Canberra’s finals hopes are still as tenuous as Noel Gallagher’s songwriting ability, it was nice to have a chill weekend not stressing about the Raiders.
As for the Manly, they’re praying to all the gods they know that Turbo and DCE come through Origin ok and front up for the Dragons game in round 18.
WALKER’S COMEDY TRIBUTE
While Sam Walker’s decision to run backwards 90 metres in the last 20 seconds of Easts’ win over Canterbury-Bankstown seemed bizarre or even arrogant, Walker had a rational explanation.
“I’ve been smashing though Monty Python while in lockdown and I love it. I started with the TV show, now I’m going through the movies,” said Walker.
“I wanted to pay tribute to them in a game, and the chance came with my run at the end. It was loving cross between the Ministry of Silly Walks and the Upper-Class Twists.”
Easts coach Trent Robinson wasn’t having a bar of it. “I grew up watching classic British comedies. It was CLEARLY a Benny Hill reference.”
MANLY’S MARVEL-LOUS SOLUTION
Manly Warringah coach Des Hasler is turning to the Marvel Cinematic Universe to get the Sea Eagles back on the winners list.
After a Tom Trbjoevic-less Manly lost to Canberra on Thursday night, Hasler spent the rest of the weekend studying the Disney+/Marvel TV series Loki, which involves Replicants, the Time Keepers, and branching/multiple timelines.
“I don’t really understand it, but maybe if I keep watching, I’ll find out how to clone Turbo so we never have to play without him again,” said Hasler.
“Maybe I can clone DCE while I’m at it. I’ll probably need a giraffe for that.”
RONALDO’S UNIQUE HIA
Sharks winger Ronaldo Mulitalo had to leave the leave field during their win over the Warriors on Sunday due to a head injury and underwent a HIA as per procedure.
But, unlike most NRL players, the doctor simply asked the Sharks player which state he played for?
Mulitalo replied, “Not sure.”
The doctor cleared him for play immediately.
NRL MOVES OUT OF SYDNEY BECAUSE FEARS OF OMEGA STRAIN OF IDIOT BECOMING CONTAGIOUS THROUGH NRL PLAYERS
The NRL made the big decision to move all of the NSW/ACT-based teams into QLD because of the worsening situation with a very contagious virus spreading.
Having dealt with the Alpha strain of Idiot when the Bulldogs caught it off Josh Dugan, the NRL then had to deal with the Beta strain of the virus when the Dragons went all-in for a weekend BBQ on the same weekend as the Covid-19-hit Bulldogs were flogged by 60-odd.
The big worry was when Jai Arrow appeared to catch the Omega strain of Idiot by breaching the Covid bubble by allegedly bringing a dancer back to camp, despite all the previous COVID-19 breaches.
The Omega strain is the biggest worry, as it makes rugby league players completely lose their minds, throwing away a State of Origin place and placing the entire series and NRL competition into jeopardy.
With the Omega strain of Idiot potentially circulating around NRL clubs, the bosses had no choice but to move all the NRL players in NSW/ACT to Queensland for their own safety and the community’s.
JAI ARROW IN LINE FOR NEXT SERIES OF DANCING WITH THE STARS AND BEAUTY AND THE GEEK
Artist’s Impression
In related news, very few know the reason reason behind Jai Arrow breaking his ‘dancing friend’ into the Queensland camp.
Arrow had actually been approached by Channel Seven three weeks ago to compete in the next series of the Channel Seven’s very light entertainment show Dancing With The Stars.
Arrow’s entertainment lawyer told us off the record that the reason he had to sneak the ‘dancer’ into the Queensland camp was that he needed the extra practice time to nail a few Tango moves, and given the TV show is on Channel Seven; but as he is due to feature on one of Channel Nein’s biggest TV programs of the year, he wanted to be extra careful there was no cross-promoting before being unofficially unveiled as one of the ‘stars’ on the next series.
Arrow’s also set to make a surprise appearance on Channel Nein’s reboot of Beauty and the Geek.
The Souths forward has undergone a ‘make-under’ – including ugly facial hair, huge glasses, and stick-on acne – to look geeky enough to appear on the show. He will appear under the alias Iaj Worra, who comes from somewhere far away (yes, that’ll do).
Jai’s motivation is simple.
“Mate, have you seen the smoking hotties on that show? Holy hell! I’m gonna pretend to be a nerd, score all the honeys for myself, then reveal my true Jai-ness. I’ll be swimming in p****y!”
MATTY JOHNS-HOSTED SHOWS NOW GUARANTEED 50% HINDY & FLETCH FLASHBACKS
Fox League have responded to the popularity of their Matty Johns flagship shows by guaranteeing more airtime for fans’ favourites.
Taking a leaf from the former WWOS Cricket coverage, Fox League have announced that all Matty Johns shows will include video footage, anecdotes and general discussion, which will include stuff ups and memorable moments from the hosts’ playing careers, including millions of replay of Hindy getting dacked, and Fletch doing whatever Fletch did.
“With so little rugby league to talk about on field, and most of the stuff off the field too depressing for words, we just want to give rugby league fans a bit of fun in their lives,“ said an unnamed Fox League source.
Self-promotion specialist Michael Slater is rumoured to be a guest producer for the upcoming changes.
The Fox League also added on the subject of Slats, “No person in sports broadcasting is better at reminding audiences that they were formerly a sportsperson or weaving any current sporting moment into something that relates to their own previous career.”
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