It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have cast their eye over the weekend of rugby league that was with the NRL Round 16 Weekend Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the NRL Round 16 Weekend Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can.
All reports are unconfirmed and please contact our legal team or Buzz Rothfield aka Hans Moleman for complaints.
THE NEW MERCY RULE
Desperate to cut back on blowout games (Saturday night alone had a 148-6 differential), the Man of Feathers (Peter V’landys) has implemented a ‘mercy rule’: from round 17, if a team leads by 50 points or more, then the game will be called off, with the winning team to take the two points.
“I hope this will give fans of the losing team some relief. I actually got the idea from an episode of ‘Bob’s Burgers’, where Tina and Louise’s soccer games are called off if their team loses 10-0. I love that show, especially Gene, he says the strangest things, and his songs are funny,” said Feathers, who started to log into his Disney+ account while talking to us.
WHAT A LOVELY DAY FOR FOOTY
In a huge middle finger for Channel Nein, the Man of Feathers has decided to reschedule Brisbane’s remaining night games at Lang Park to Sunday afternoons.
“Brisbane has the perfect climate for afternoon footy. Hell, if Queenslanders can play cricket on glorious Sunday afternoons in the middle of winter, then the Broncos can play footy then too,” said Peter V’landys.
“That lovely sunshine looks amazing on the Fox League broadcast, and it’s so much easier for fans to get to and from Lang Park during the day. The walk down Caxton St is far more pleasant than on a Thursday or Friday night.”
An infuriated Nein CEO Hugh Marks says that without the Broncos’ revenue, the station will go broke. Feathers, however, doesn’t care.
“Commercial TV is an outdated medium anyway. Everyone watches footy on their phones, their tablets, or at the pub” said V’landys.
“Nein can show Friday night reruns of Married at First Sight for all I care!”
RAIDERS FANS GO BACK TO THE FUTURE
In an attempt to cheer themselves up, Raiders fans will boycott Thursday night’s likely flogging against Manly for a special viewing party.
Canberra fans will meet at Belconnen Mall to watch a triple header of the Raiders’ 1989, 1990, and 1994 grand final wins.
Adding to the festive atmosphere, fans will be encouraged to dress up as their favourite 1980s/90s Raider, and there will also be a quiz on the “Green Machine era” (1987 to 1995), with the winner to receive a DeLorean, which they can use to travel back to the early 90s, when the Raiders were actually good.
Festivities start at 7pm.
NORTHERN BEACHES CONSPIRACY TO NRL COVID BREACHES
The NRL has been rocked with some recent breaches to their COVID-19 bubble. We’ve had Josh Dugan, Dylan Napa and the Bulldogs Five, and recently a house party at Paul Vaughan’s house.
Sure they’ve done the wrong thing, and lord knows what kind of punishment on and off the fields the Dragons are going to get, with rumours of nearly the entire team at the party.
But before jumping on the morning news breakfast tutt-tutt bandwagon, have you ever considered who gains the most out of this? There’s some very convenient timing to say the least.
Artist’s impression of mystery man lurking outside Royal Hotel.
So, who was the lucky team that got to play the Bulldogs after five of their stars were stood down and inexperienced players put in their place?
Manly.
And on the weekend after State of Origin II where their star Tom Trbojevic would be backing up.
How convenient.
Artist’s Impression of Dragons party.
And who do the Dragons play next after their bye?
Manly.
And after yet another Origin clash.
Can you join the dots?
Rumours have it that on the day of the Bulldogs session at the Royal Hotel there was man in a trenchcoat looking suspiciously like Des Hasler outside taking notes.
And eagle eyes will note our footage from the Dragons house party this weekend. There’s someone lurking in the background.
And after the for-and-against-boosting wins, Manly will be closer to the top four than ever.
What convenient timing we say.
More to come.
VICTORIA’S LOVE/HATE AFFAIR WITH “RUGBY” CONTINUES
While the Melbourne Storm continue to dominate all comers with their 13th straight win, the majority of Victorians (outside the Storm’s loyal fanbase) couldn’t give a toss, such is their obsession with their precious aerial ping pong!
…at least until they find out (through their one rugby league-loving friend) that the Storm have made another grand final and they prepare to sit down on the first Sunday night in October, pretend to understand what’s happening in “the Rugby” and then gloat at full-time and change their Facebook profile page to the Storm logo, which will last until the next AFL season starts.
If the Storm lose the grand final, they’ll forget about it five seconds after full-time and complain that “the Rugby” is dumb and they don’t even kick the ball that much.
More to come.
NRL BUNKER DEVISES LOOPHOLES TO GET AROUND OWN FORWARD PASS RULE
Those watching the Broncos-Sharks game will have noted the very forward pass that was thrown in the lead up to what was the Sharks’ first try of the afternoon at the time.
Despite the sideline official being in line with the pass that went between two metres and five metres forward, it was not called back.
Nor did the on-field referee call it either, having presumed someone in line with the pass would note if it went the length-of-an-SUV forward.
So try was awarded with all and sundry with any rugba leeg knowledge knowing the forward pass couldn’t be reviewed. No matter how obvious.
Eventually taking the game’s ruling into their own hands, which is what they are meant to do we guess, the Bunker eventually worked out that a forward pass can sort of look like a mid-air knock on. As such they can rule on a knock-on. Even if to the untrained, non-Bunker eye it looked like a regular forward pass.
The Bunker ruled the forward pass was actually a knock on and thus ruled out, sparing another bad headline in a weekend that was already on the nose for COVID-19 and one-sided thrashings.
Rumours of a Kerry Packer-Australia’s Naughtiest Home Video Show call to the Bunker demanding to find something, anything to deny the try from Man of Feathers is unable to be confirmed.
More to come.
FINAL FEATHERS NEWS
Rumour that another Kerry Packer-Australia’s Naughtiest Home Video Show call to Wayne Bennett at half time of the Tigers-Rabbitohs is also unable to be confirmed.
The Rabbitohs were leading 26-0 at half time and the rugb leeg superboss was desperately hoping that round 16 of the NRL didn’t end with another ‘to-nil’ thrashing.
Other whispers are that Peter V’landys texted Adam Reynolds halfway through the first half, which is why he ran dead before putting the ball down, are also hearsay.
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